Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Title: Show Me That I Matter

Those that I get close to I constantly grow feelings for. Iwant to pop the question, but the idea of the word NO makes my chest sore. I want to be love and I really want it bad. Seeing me struggle just seems pathetic and sad. I try not to show it, and I hide it pretty well. My heart is my friend and foe, it's beats I can hear, and it's as clear as a bell. I want to trust it and go with it, so I may no longer fear that dreadful feeling that will make my heart shread and tear. I stand in front of the mirror asking over and over,"why do I hurt this way?" with this feeling growing more and more.
My mind is no longer the controler, and my emotions have taken over. I dread the day I find someone, exadurationgly I'll grab a clover for good luck, although I may need it. I'll feel stuck trying to ask the question " will you go out with me?"
What's her answer going to be? I'll just have to wait and see.