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ok, addicted to gunbound/rakion [[softnyx.net]] omfg...

chemistry, need a lil help. basically, i just need to memorize hella crap. my goal is to at leave have a D this quarter lol. If I pass this class with a C+ or higher by the end of the school year, i'll be so ******** happy.

i'm tired of being addicted

I need to like ******** move this computer somewhere else in the room, and to also like clean my room. Maybe on the weekend, but for now, I have to hold on!!! lol.It's only Tuesday.

Winter is approaching...cuz i got emo when i saw the like cloudy no-sun sky. i felt better when the sun came out lol.

anywayz, i'll talk bout that later.

so yeah, off ******** day man. so wahtever. i don't really have to say anything. I know i have hella problems to do for fuking chemistry. s**t...senior year, the only AP class I'll have is freaking Physics, and that's it!!!! lol.

ok...chemistry...copied algebra II hw. [[btw, dong bang shin ki is the wrong cover...been listening to like tvxq's new album "the rising sun" ...tiz kewl..

into pop-rock s**t coming out. and korean pop s**t. gawd. lol. stupid a** kc. everyone's so ******** busy it's hella not fair.

i'll see if i can go to freaking like dv idol, but i need a ride and $5. for homecoming, i'll just go w/ friends or ask kristina if she wan go.

*yawn*. please get my lazyness out of here NOW!!!

~oh, and i need new picture for myspace ******** alarm clock. guess what? i learned how to ******** ignore my alarm clock, lol. it's like omfg, i can't get anything to wake me up now1` lol.

well, nothing else to say..but, i need to stop playing video games. but, i have no motivation for school at the moment. each weekend is not fun. all i do is play video games, but that's only because i feel like i have nothing else useful to do. also, tired of staying at this house. dangit. 2 more years of school *sigh*. i miss those track-schedule things in elementary school.

i want a month vacation after 3 months [[even though it did feel short]].

allergies ******** piss me off! !!! i keep itching my neck and forehead. i think it's exima again. ******** ******** hell can't stop itching. and like my eye also, infected [[not contageous so don't look at me funny]] ~when i was in philppines. iono why, had to rub my eyes.

not hanging out with old friends from sophmore year last year as much as i used to, i keep doing that every year, hang out w/ different people or something. mostly because classes not same w/ them/everyone has more hw and stuff. halloween's on a monday. i think i'll bring some candy for japanese class. cuz yeah, only class...ok maybe choir [[freakin big]]...that's like fun/easy class.

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maybe my allergies is all the hair on my head. maybe i should spike my hair and listen get in tune with all the other asians/filipino peple. maybe i don't need to fulfill my dream, and just be a stereotypical 'smart' asian and not have too many friends and be quiet all the time. i have dreams, like not being like them and/or being different. i don't want to be put in a category of "oh, you're a doctor" ...having prejudgement that i'm smart and blah blah blah/stereotypical asian. I know it's about the money, but i want to enjoy life and stop staring at this computer screen for fun.

I want to drive away and go to the library to study, sleep over at friend's houses, and just go there to chill everyday. I would like a dad or someone to help the family with things instead of asking mom all the time for money, and putting more stress on her because i want to be "independant" and do things my way.

i want to sleep on a comfortable bed, eat good homecooked meals ALL the time, have my family support my sports, be more carefree instead of worrying about little things i can't control.

i want to express myself more, and be more open with those that i love, instead of hiding in my 'shell' that i think i can't seem to break. I want to be known more than that non-smart person that's quiet in class, or that person that's annoying.

i want to pursue a career that i know has decent income that I like, without worrying too much about the money, but the fact that it keeps me alive everyday.

i want to stop taking thigns for granted, and stop beeing such a spoiled dork. i want to work hard and blah blah blah...

i want to be important and noticed, just as anybody else wants. i want people to accept me for who i am, not what they want me to be....

i want to stop worrying about what i look like and to stop comparing myself to others and be greatful for my life...

i want a talent, which everybody has at least one. i can't find one talent that i'm super good/happy with. singing is not that good, because i keep on comparing that to others who sing good, brining my self-esteem down.

singing isn't something my family would do for a good income. singing isn't a career that will always be open for a job(from waht i know), and takes lots of practice and the right steps to pursue it.

i'm tired of thinking life should be perfect, and following guidelines i have. i wish i could express my true self, retarted, and try everything i can in life.

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please take me out of here,

away from my own mistakes.

lead the way to a new place to start again,

where mistakes do not even exist.

just living is a challenge in itself,

but help will always be there they say..

i keep looking everywhere,

but, where is my help?

where is my future to take me?

does my destiny even exist?

will i last that long?

please please somebody help...

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looking around,

everyone's trying to help themselves.

when someone asks for money, you turn away.

when you ask for money, they turn away from you.

life is only as you wish to do with it.

just one thing, don't forget there are others there

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rant rant rant i need ******** the homework for chemistry, lol. i'll try it some other time.