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So as a couple of you people know.. i've had a.. very close person.. die December 6th.
he was my everything. if i seem overly hyper or happy or giddy, it's just an act. if you want, ignore it, or tell me to quit being a faker. i've found that the only way i can deal with this (and also keep my promises to him) is to either write dedications every night or (when it's really bad) talk about him. so pleas excuse any actions that you may deem unworthy of me for the next month or two. i'm trying, really really hard, to ... stay alive, if that's the right way to put it. trying to keep my promises.

you may be wondering who it was that's died, and how it happened. just to get it out, i'll type it here...

it was my.. boyfriend and best friend that died. Michael, MTC, Wally, whatever you want to call him. He was in a car accident in Seattle, which resulted in him falling into a coma. Then, a week later, he woke up and called me. I was the last person he spoke to. His funeral was in Juneau, Alaska, his birthplace.

I know it's probably a lot harder on his family, but i can't imagine it. They already have enough issues, like a horrible stepdad and a unknowing mother, and then this was thrown onto their shoulders. the death of yet another child in their family. Michael's little sister, Kasey, thinks he got what he desevered, since her other sister died for him. His brother, Kevin, and the two little adopted chinese twins, Trenh and Tina, have been depressed constantly. But i've tried to suck up my depression to honor one of my promises and put on a happy face. It's not working too well for me.