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I guess I'll be writing in here now that I know noone pays attention to reading these
. And I wouldn't want them to ,maybe I'll elaborate some other time.

I wish it was , I hope it always is . But drowning all over again . Knowing I just took my last gasp of air . Just sinking to the bottom watching the sunlight slowly dissapating. feeling the watter rushing in lungs , filling them up. But the cold, always the cold I could never prepare for. Feeling it my chest as it spreads. I can see my hand reaching for the surface to no avail.

Everytime I wake up gasping for air as if someone breathed back life into me..again. I wake up gasping and coughing, chest hurting.