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I looked at my Christmas list, and realized that it isn't complete. The problem is that the thing that I'd really like under my tree this christmas is something that I know Santa won't be bringing me, and something that I'm not sure I should mention here. What I'd really like under my tree is an attractive girlfriend. That would be an absolutely amazing way to start my new and final semester. It would be an absolutely amazing way to carry out the last half a year that I will be spending in the town where I have spent all of my life that I can remember. It would be a beautiful ending to this chapter of my life, and I'm sure would lead to an amazing beginning to the next chapter that I am about to start.

I sometimes wish that my life wasn't as complicated as it is. Things just seem to always fall down on me and try to crush me under the weight of everything in the universe. I used to just make jokes about all of it to make myself feel a little bit better, but lately it hasn't been that simple. Lately it hasn't been the world crashing down on me. It seems that the world has developed a new strategy of instead, spinning out of control at the speed of light and leaving me to attempt to catch up. I miss when everything made sense, and everything was going to wait for me to be ready for it. I miss when I was going to have not only a friend, but an actual girlfriend when I moved. I miss when I wasn't going to move and I had all the time in the world to figure out what I was going to do. As much as I hated highschool with all of those superficial people who I just wanted to punch in the face, I really miss the ability to just look at everything and decide what I wanted to do just because it was what I wanted to do instead of because I needed it to graduate or something like that. I miss when all of my time was spent making jokes and slacking off, and it didn't matter if I didn't show up.

Now that being said, where I am right now, I make jokes and slack off, and half of the time it really wouldn't matter if I didn't show up for class, but the fact is now I feel like every class I go to is precious and that I am going to be missing important time with my important friends if I don't show up. I feel like if I slack of on much of anything then the world will slip out of my grasp and I won't be able to catch up to it. I still find myself slacking off, but I just wish the world wouldn't be in so much of a rush to keep turning. I miss when the world was small and easy to hold onto. I miss when I didn't have anything to lose.