Me and my boyfriend of almost 2 years pretty much broke up yesterday. I didn't go to school, and I'm not at school right now. I'm waiting until my dad gets home and takes me, so then I'll be able to go to SOME school.
I'd rather not, though. I'm too effing depressed. But I don't blame him, since he's doing the same thing I did. Twice. And now I know how hurt he felt, and it sucks. I just want it to be okay.
If anyone cares, here's the story. He met a girl from an online dating sit and on Thursday he met her in real life. They pretty much stayed out all night and then I asked him to hang out on Friday and he said he was hanging out with his guy friends, when he was really hanging out with this girl. I found out on Saturday and I just broke down. I was mad and extremely sad. I stayed up until like 6am and I had thought that we had figured it all out, and stuff, that it was good for a while. Well, I went over to his house on Sunday and I thought it was really good, we both just comforted each other, I cried, he cried, we all cried. I also thought we were just going to be kind of friends, with some benefits. He had to do chores and work, so I left and I told him I had a surprise for him after work and to call me. He called me and I took him to this lake sort of by our houses. We walked, and we talked. I didn't know what to talk about much, so I couldn't help by talk about this. I bet the other girl doesn't even know about me. But we spent like 30-ish minutes together and we talked and stuff. I thought it was nice, and I enjoyed it. I asked him and he said he did also. I also brought up doing something on Monday after his work and maybe we could just sit and talk about whatever. Because I want to be close to him. Well, I had already decided to stay home on Monday from school and just sit around and feel sorry for myself. Well, after a little bit of talking online, he finally told me that he had already made plans for Monday night, and he's "sorry" for no bringing them up right away. So we started talking more and he's all like "I don't want you to be all clingy." And I'm like "I'm not trying, I'm just trying to be a girlfriend, because that's all that I know how to be around you" and he's like "I don't think I want you as a girlfriend. Actually, I know I don't.".... And so, we just kind of fought and I guess he pretty much told me to go away. And he kept on bringing up these 2 guys that me and him took breaks for because I was slightly interested in them. And he kept on guilting me about it, although he doesn't realize that I guilt myself ENOUGH about it. And I'm sorry that it happened and if I could, I would go back in time and change it all, or at least not do it or something. And I've been really clingy and really caring lately and he's just thinking that I'm going to change if I ever get him back, and I won't just "change back". I will stay the same as I am right now. I will realize that that's how I should act and I will continue to act as such.
And so, I'm going to try to go to a counselor and I'm just hoping that he will realize that this girl makes him happy... but nothing more than a friendship happiness. And hopefully he'll realize that I make him happy and I try my hardest to make him happy.
I think that this is all my fault. I'm the one to blame for this all. And I really am. My mom may not think so, but I am to blame. I can't do anything right.
I'm sorry that's so long, but who even reads this anyways?
I'm off to go get ready for school. Maybe my dad will come home soon.
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