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August 9, 2005
Not much happened today. There was a storm, it didn't even last real long, but the power went out. And they always take forever to turn it back on. So I kept getting kicked offline because the DSL modem has to be plugged in. So I had to get on crappy slow dial up. And they took so long getting it back on, two and a half hours I think, that my computer battery ran all the way down. Luckily they got it on not long after that. Kaz was playing a game most of the day, which is good. I worry less when he's away. Pretty much all yesterday and today I've been worried and feeling sick. And then I get hungry and I feel more sick when I eat. I don't know what to do. Everytime bad stuff happens, especially involving Kaz, it starts out with me being upset, emotional stuff, and then it turns into physical stuff, like feeling sick and hurting. And Kaz thinks I should have experience going out with other guys if I'm ever going to go out with him again or something. So that plus how lonely I always feel makes me want a boyfriend more. But there's like only two guys who are even nice to me. And that's online. And in real life, none of the guys I know really seem right for me. They are all like Josh, I don't think I'd ever have any real feelings for them. Well last night I actually made Kaz ask one of the guys who is nice, Brett, if he had a girlfriend. It was pretty funny actually because Kaz IMed him and talked all ghetto and stuff, and of course acted like he was a druggie, because that is just so funny to him. He kind of hid the question in there so it wouldn't be obviouse or suspicious, but Brett said he did have a girlfriend, he moved away from her, but it sounds like they are still together. And the other guy who is nice to me is a lot older than me, which sucks, because I think he wants a girlfriend too. He said he wished I was older. And now I will predict the future! Chris is going to come here, read this, and lecture me on why I don't need a boyfriend.
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