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I guess I figure that it's time for me to grow up and move on.... I don't get why I have to live a life always feelin' sorry for myself or always feeling that my plans for the future are pipe dreams. I don't understand as to why many people believe this. Maybe society's grasp on them is just that great or maybe they just don't have the ability to uplift themselves from their own self-doubt and woe.... I've always looked around for someone to be my strength; someone to be my guiding light.... I believe that I've found that one person, but at the same time...., no offense to her, I feel that all that I've been looking for is an illusion; a fabrication concocted in the same pool as that foolish notion of "perfection".... I don't need that strength... It's grown to become an falsehood to me. Granted, I will become anyone's strength at anytime and I will stand even though it looks as though I'll fall, but the notion of having someone else as a pillar of strength, I feel, makes me weaker.... sad I've lived a long life in my eyes... I've lost many people in many ways and I have cried one tear after the other until I could cry no more..... I've been to the point where a wail and a scream would replace my tears instead of adding to them and now..... Now I don't cry because I know that I am the pillar of strength to many of those that I love.... When you cry, you shed off a skin of pain, anguish, and plight, but when I cry I feel all I do is let my guard down and show my weakness to others.... I am a backbone to too much people to falter and break... I guess I just find it funny that all I've grown to become is someone who supports so many others, but who won't allow others to support him.... I dunno why I feel I am as I am; one who is destined to be alone that also acts as a tether to hold many people together..... One who leaves naught for himself because he gives it all to those that he loves and trusts.... I dunno why I am this way, but I can say that I like it.... I love the feeling of being depended on and the feeling of helping those that need it and I guess I like the feeling of standing on my own two feet without others holding me up on their shoulders... I love the feeling of strength I get by giving my strength up so readily.... I dunno... Some people would call me a sucker... Other people would call me big-hearted.... Hmhmhmhm... Sometimes that's even considered to be weak in certain people's eyes, but I just continue to be the way that I am without even noticing it.... Maybe solitude isn't the fate I'm destined for.... Maybe... Although for right now... For right now, I believe that solitude is a love that is always....Always...and never...