Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

We are a Church's Fried Chicken. Yes, our spicy chicken is extra crispy. No, we do not have any other sort of extra crispy chicken. No, we are not a KFC. Stop asking if we have ribs. Stop giving us coupons that require us to give you ribs. The closest thing we have to ribs is the very small chicken ribs in the white meat chicken. If you want KFC, you can take the 2-minute drive down the road to get your ribs, chicken-in-a-bucket, and neon green coleslaw. I'm afraid our chicken is served in cardboard boxes unless in small quantities for eat-in, and our coleslaw has carrots in it and is delivered in bags of fresh-chopped produce, into which we have to mix the dressing, all by hand, daily. With gloves, of course.

I'm sorry if you're offended that your fries will take 3 minutes to cook fresh, or that the 'patty' (read: It's a whole chicken breast) for your sandwich takes 6 minutes to cook from a raw state, or that we cook our hot wings for 8 minutes when they're ordered so we don't waste product. The only product we can cook in advance is the chicken, because it takes 15 minutes to cook. 35 minutes for roasted. And what can we do with it when it's too old and no one has bought it? We're certainly not going to serve our customers obscenely old chicken. That's disgusting, and definitely not FoodSafe to boot.

No wait... I'm not sorry. I don't care if you're about to miss your bus; if you wanted really fast food, you could easily go to the McDonald's right next to the ******** bus stop. I don't care if you only have an American Express card, I'm not allowed to take it. I don't care if you don't have your required photo ID and only have your credit card, I can't serve you if you don't have ID to prove you're the cardholder. Nor do I care that you think that one corn-on-the-cob rolling in the butter is ugly; we deliberately put an ugly one there, it's for display. We wouldn't want to serve it to you anyway, it has probably been there since 10:00 in the morning. And yes, I do expect some small amount of sympathy when I see you staring at the six shortening burns on my left arm and the apparent grillmarks from multiple burns from the metal shelf above the fries on my right, and I will ask you to leave if you laugh at my misfortune. Why? Because you threw packets of pepper all over the floor for me to clean up. Yes, I saw you do it.

Bloody insensitive bastards.