nepie
Everyone, at some point in their lives, enters a dark tunnel of hardship. There's always a light at the end, but not everyone can see that precious glow. I've been in my own tunnel for a long time. I saw the light at the end for a long time. I thought I knew what was at the end: a happy reunion with all my SFX friends and an apology from the girls there. Then, the light got a little brighter for a short time, then disappeared, or so I thought. I was desperate for that light because I thought I knew what was at the end: the fixing of all my broken friendships. The light never disappeared. I closed my eyes and couldn't see. And now I've had my eyes reopened. I see that pretty light again, and I don't know what it holds. I know what it doesn't: everything I thought it held before. But I'm very curious, and I want to know what's there. So I'm pushing on. I'll get out someday. I just needed a little push in the right direction. It's not going to be better overnight, but it will one day. I can feel it. I know one day true happiness will come back. Love, even, could show up. Who knows? I can't wait to find out! Thank you.
lol. I was right. Amazing. Well, minus the love part. I give up on that.
nepie
Dear God, what have I done?
I cannot function like this. I don't understand.... A million times I have said things I regret saying later. But I have never done something so horrible as that. I...I had thought it was all gone by now, that I knew how mistaken I had been. Maybe I was right the whole time about myself... Jesus, this is so confusing and I'm lost. My conscience has trapped me. My heart just speaks, even though I know it's not what I really want. It's my own punishment, I suppose, for my sneaking at school, but still... How could I say something like that? omgoodness
I cannot function like this. I don't understand.... A million times I have said things I regret saying later. But I have never done something so horrible as that. I...I had thought it was all gone by now, that I knew how mistaken I had been. Maybe I was right the whole time about myself... Jesus, this is so confusing and I'm lost. My conscience has trapped me. My heart just speaks, even though I know it's not what I really want. It's my own punishment, I suppose, for my sneaking at school, but still... How could I say something like that? omgoodness
Ouch. Just ouch. But I was fooling myself. I see that now heart
nepie
Crud, I can feel my happiness leaking away, replaced by worry. Funnily, being told that I'm hated is what made me happy rofl Yea, that's never gonna change. I'd bet money on that. I'm hard to like, impossible to love, and easy to hate forever.
Funnily, being told that I'm not hated made me even happier! Funnily, the fact that I can actually like who I like makes everything brighter.
nepie
My personal favorite. That wonderful trying-to-smile-but-really-wanting-to-be-halfway-across-the-globe thing that I have going on sometimes...LOL! This just makes me laugh. Rabbit in headlights, that's me ^_^
nepie
funny story: After the concert, we were going to take a picture, but someone was missing. Castillo starts counting. "2, 4, 6, 8, 9...Paz!" rofl So Paz is the new 10. Therefore, 5+5=Paz and 2x5=Paz 4laugh
Paz=10! I forgot! lmao. OH, how do I survive the insanity.
Yay for rereading old crap, which is really entertaining ^_^
~nepie
