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July 4, 2005
Spent all day today on GW with Kaz. I'm so glad he helped me, and for so long. I'm still pissed about his friend though. But at least my level is higher. Went to go see fireworks. Came back. All hell broke loose. I swear Jon is never coming to my chats again. He invited Ivy, knowing she was still mad at me for what he told her, and of course a big arguement happened. All because I asked Ivy if she was still mad at me. So she goes on and on about what an awful person I was to Kaz or some crap like that, when Kaz is the one who's not been nice to me. I know I messed up with him, I know I made mistakes, but I loved him, and he made a whole lot of mistakes too, and I still loved him even then, but he didn't love me. I can't help it that I'm not perfect. Anyway that's not the point, she goes on and on about how bad I treated her and stuff, back when I was confused and going through all that crap and how I felt about Ralph, and Kaz, and Josh, and stupid relationships, and how I just didn't want to dela with seeing people together in that way, at that time. And of course Jon joins in too, being a jerk. Well at least I found out last night that Ralph isn't mad at me. At least I've got one thing going for me, so I invited him last night. But I dunno about inviting him anymore. I don't know if I should invite anyone who's even somewhat involved in this. I might, I might not. So far crossed off the list is Ivy and Jon, and possibly Ralph, depending on how things go, and if Ralph then also Andrew, because he's Ralph's friends, which really sucks because I think he's cool and he's really nice. Kaz does get annoyed by him though... Anywas I give up. I give up on friends, on people in general really. I'm getting to where I really, really, really dislike people. Because you can't please them no matter what. Every little thing you say, especially the things not meant for them to hear, they get pissed about. I've been talked about worse by other people, than I've talked about them myself, but everyone else gets pissed at me, while I'm always the nice, forgiving person, giving everyone who says something mean about me ten more chances. Yeah Jon complained about how nice I am. So the one time I say something not so nice, he goes and tells the world. What does he want from me? He makes fun of everyone, and says mean things about people all the time, and it's okay, but if I say anything, to him it's not okay. And even after he told Ivy that, I was still nice to him! I knew I shouldn't have been but I was, and now things are worse. So that is it for Jon.
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