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Hey... its been awhile...

Everything was going really well. Visitations were back on a strict schedule. I have been taking her once a month for an overnight. I have been helping Mandie with her book. Our roleplay has surpassed the Harry Potter one and was quickly catching up on LBB. But... I have hit a major depression.

I dont see my characters clearly or at all. I cant think... And I cant stand to be around friends. I dont want you all to see me like that. Not only that... But I hated to have Jana. I felt so empty with her in my care. I was picking her up and praying that 8pm would come so I could go back to hiding from the world. I was hiding in World of Warcraft. Though I felt bad because I was pushing all my friends away again. And the circle of depression began again...

Though I was just starting to come out of the slump. I had the will to rp again. I'm starting to get sick of WoW, and I was starting to enjoy my time with Jana once again. And tonight, I fell right back in again... I take jana home to find Fran really dolled up and a guy sitting on the couch. Her parents not home, and she calls the guy Uncle James to Jana. She is dating... Thats why she told the child specialist there was no chance of reconcile. We hadn't even tried yet she said we had. The Idea that she is dating hurts so much...

I can't hide all this pain anymore... I cant keep hiding. Its catching up so fast.. I can't keep smiling, making everyone think everything is fine. Because I'm far from it. The worst part... I cant afford counciling. I have no spare money. Unless I get a second job. But that means I might loose my times with Jana. I'm stuck... I'm drowning...

... I have been too proud to admit it... but I need help.

This might sound all boo hoo i need attention... these are just my feelings, my thoughts...

She was the woman I wanted to marry. The mother of my child. I cant give up on family even though she gave up on me...