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Everyday of my pathetic little life i ask my self a few questions, there really simple in nature but in reality they are all i can ******** think about it. QUESTION 1: Was it worth it? QUESTION 2: Why/why not? Try it someday it really is interesting. Now lately all that iv been been feeling is hate and the contrast, love, only one problem, when i feel hate i get pissed off, and i just want to brake something and my problem is i dont accept help EVER, even when Chelsea the one person that i know i will always love and will always be there for me i convince myself that she did it for herself and her happiness and i know that its probly not true but i need to know for my sanity that i did something for once, that i could get through this only with the thoughts implanted in my head by my best friend. Back to the mater at hand tho, when im pissed off i can Not think happy, i need calmness but lately like iv been saying i have Not had calmness, i have no time to meditate NO my life is one cycle, just School FRUSTRATION/THE FEELING OF FAILUR then Home, HATE/PAIN after 10 ******** hours of this bull s**t i really just want to kill something i kno its bad but i Really do BUT Wait! phone call from Brittany HAPPINESS/LOVE And ******** what all of you think about her shes amazing and i love her and she loves me.. HAPPINESS Now i go from wanting to kill something i just want to relax and Be happy ONE FUKKIN PROBLEM. IM PISSED OFF so how do i solve this problem? I DONT i do what i always do when something needs to be done, i turn my back to it. WHY? once again with the fukkin questions because that is who i am, that who i always have been, now The answer i know one person wants to know WHY DID I START TO SMOKE AGAIN, WHY DID I GET HIGH AND ******** IT ALL UP???? Simple, it made it easier to turn my back on all the s**t that was going on. All the ******** s**t with my dad with my friends and with Cassie, see but there inlaid the real problem, Cassie the one that i really did love at the time didnt like Brittany my best friend at the time and didnt like me smoking, however i liked them both because they made me forget my problems, Brittany just made me laugh and wanted nothing more then to make me happy, and she did, she always made sure i had the ability to smoke if i wanted to and when she hugged me, she made me feel like i was loved, her hug was so warm and when she told me she loved me, it was totally in context and appropriate i might add, i knew it was true and it made me think, that for once i might be happy for more then the average 5minutes. i got home that night and me and Cassie got in an argument, but the next day i went out again but this time i really was pissed, i felt alone, and then she held my hand, she made me feel like she was there for me. When i felt so alone, she made sure i knew she was there for me, she held my hand to make sure i didnt do anything stupid kill my self. i got home and fought with Cassie again this time worse but we got over it. then she held my hand at school and everyone saw and this really angered Cassie, we fought and shortly there after we broke up. after we broke up Brittany and i Kissed, just a small kiss but there was so much love behind it, it made me realize, i had someone that didnt want me to change, who loved me for who i really am, and someone who i Really didnt want to let go of. in all the fog and confusion i knew i loved her and she loved me.

i love Brittany, and i love Chelsea, that is fact and i dont want to change it. what i do want to change tho is i want love Cassie again but not in the same way i did before, i do want to be friends but i really dont think it will happen, were to different.