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Two rednecks are out hunting in the woods. A heavy tree branch falls on 1 of the rednecks. The other one calls 911 on his cell phone. He starts screaming at the operator that his friend was killed by a tree branch, and the operator says, "Calm down. First make sure he is dead, he can just be unconscious." A few seconds go by, and a gun shot is heard. The redneck gets back on the phone and says, "Ok, now what?"

You Know you're a Redneck if...

. . . your front porch collapses and four dogs get killed.
. . . your wifes hairdo was ever ruined by a ceiling fan.
. . . you go to your family reunions trying to meet women.
. . . taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
. . . on Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.
. . . your childs first words were, Attention Wal-Mart shoppers!
. . . your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug-zapper.
. . . you vacuum the sheets instead of washing them.
. . . youve ever valet parked a snow plow.
. . . you break wind in public and blame it on your kid.
. . . youve ever paid for a six-pack of beer with pennies.
. . . you think paprika is a Third World country.
. . . you ask the preacher, Hows it hanging?
. . . you have a bumper sticker that says, My mothers an honor student at the local junior high.
. . . youve ever been to a wedding reception at the Waffle House.
. . . your kids favorite bedtime story is Curious George and the High Voltage Fence.
. . . youve ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
. . . your favorite restaurant has the word eats anywhere in the name.
. . . you have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
. . . the game warden knows the serial numbers to your guns by heart.
. . . you have a personal account of a UFO sighting.
. . . you think a hard drive is driving more than one hour.
. . . you were expelled from summer school.
. . . youve ever stolen toilet paper.
. . . you think the police cant see you because your truck is painted camouflage.
. . . youve ever been hunting on a tractor.
. . . youve ever talked back to characters on the movie screen.
. . . you use Armor-All on your leather jacket.
. . . your tires are worth more than your truck.
. . . you tried to claim loss of teeth as an exemption on your taxes.
. . . you have a hook in your shower to hang your hat on.
. . . youve ever stolen a Neighborhood Watch sign to put in your yard.
. . . you proposed in a Dennys.
. . . your favorite restaurant has a gas pump in front of it.
. . . you have an above ground pool and you fish in it.
. . . youve ever picked up a woman in a convenience store.
. . . people hear your car a long time before they see it.
. . . you call your boss dude.
. . . your toothbrush is a hand-me-down.
. . . you have ever taken lawn furniture to a drive-in.
. . . your kids fall down in the house and get grass stains.
. . . your church has a happy hour.
. . . youve ever lost your wife in a poker game.
. . . youve ever shot someone over a mall parking space.
. . . someone asks, Wheres your bowling bag? and you answer, Shes at home with the kids.
. . . you are allowed to bring your dog to work.
. . . you fish coins out of public fountains.
. . . you consider tattooing a do-it-yourself job.
. . . you see a sign that says dip in road and you stop to see what flavor it is.
. . . youre smoking in your drivers