Nobody in our group of friends writes journal entrees anymore except for me and Sarah. Kind of sad really. I'm disappointed. For many reasons. First of all, I am happy. I am not depressed. I am not sad. I DO smile. I do laugh. I'm content, looking for my next move in life. You can't blame me for being quiet every once in a while. And thinking. Can you? I'm a teenager. My horemones are just now getting to me. I need time to sort it out. Kacey just called me "half way emo". And that hurt. Because I don't want to be that.
I feel left out. Like the "joke killer". Which Matt says I am. I'm the ruiner of all funny things. And Cody gets mad at me for no freakin' reason. And I'm tired of saying nasty things. Feeling like I have to say sick things because of the people I hang out with. I hate complaining. ANd writing these journal entrees. At the beggining I was giving tips on how to be spaztic! What happened to that? Teenage life, school, not to mention deperacy! Gee wilikers. What's happening to this world? Please save me.
When we prayed with the band this last Friday...I felt like I was going to cry. Because it didn't seem right. I want to believe, but...my parents don't take me to church. And everybody expects me to know everything. I hate being an athiest. I believe in Heaven. And going somewhere. But I barely know Noahs Ark. That's kind of pathetic if you ask me. I just want to go to church with somebody. ANd I want to stop being a complete loser of life.
Starting with my outlook on everything.
-Maggeh-
