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Caught in the deception of who I really am and who I want to be. I wonder if anyone or anything can pull me away from this path of destruction. I’m forcing myself away from the reality just so I can breathe. And I thank everyone with this fake relief. I want to smash everything into pieces and disappear into the nothingness that remains of my heart. This heart so torn and broken, the pieces glued back together and securely chained in place. No one cared, no one cared to tell me where all the pretty things in life are. And this is my ‘God’ stuck in the heart of every nice girl. So when the sun goes out maybe it wont be so dark. Maybe it wont be so lowly. These precious things, let them be now, let them wash away. These… these precious things, let them break, let the pieces wash away.
And Im really an ugly girl, just pretending to be something better as I wait for the ice to melt. For this cold to thaw and for the chains on my heart to drop away. I can’t stay here unmoving. This is winter and the cold inside of my heart. But its just a little warmer when I think of winter. I tell myself I need to wake up. That I can’t be supported by others forever. But I like this security. I like this false hope. I don’t want to make up my mind and be all alone again. I don’t know if I can love myself as much as others want to love me. My surface is cold, untouchable. There are no precious things. And I tell people I always want them near and they tell me ‘things change my dear’. Just as winter melts and spring comes. Is there any worth in trying anymore? After all there is no mirror on the wall. No crystal palace. I am empty and the ice is getting thin.