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Commander Rutherford's Guide To Being a Pirate.
Commander: Pirates can do that.
Axel: Interrupt people while they're eatting waffles?
Commander: Mmhm.
Axel: Ah.
Axel: I see.
Commander: (I mean, technically he's just a fisherman, but he has an eyepatch...)
Commander: But yes. Pirates have complete authority to interupt your waffle-eating.
Axel: D=
Axel: ...Do I have any pirate friends?
Commander: I don't think so.
Commander: Pirates are kind of hard to come by.
Axel: Ah.
Axel: I had a friend who was a pirate wanna-be..
Axel: They don't count.
Commander: No, not at all.
Axel: Stupid posers D=<
Commander: Innndeed.
Commander: But see, on the pirates thing, I consider there to be a checklist of
things you need to be a pirate.
Commander: First of all, you need a cool pirate name.
Commander: Then you need leggings, something frilly, and either a sword, parrot, or peg-leg.
Commander: Sword can be fake.
Commander: Then you need either a pirate hat with a feather or an eyepatch.
Axel: What about those knives that come out of nowhere when they have to fight?
Commander: And then you need to go Commandeer something.
Commander: You can do knives. But they're optional.
Axel: Ah.
Commander: And that's how you become a pirate.
Axel: Interesting..
Commander: I mean, if you want to be a /real/ pirate, you need a ship, though...
Axel: Can I put this into my journal? 'Commander Rotherford's Guide To Be A
Pirate'
Commander: But if you just wanna be a pirateish landlubber is good.
Commander: Yes, you can, if you'd really like.
Axel: Awesome!
Axel: Hm. An example of a pirate name?
Commander: Britt the Boozey.
Commander: Joey the Blade.
Commander: If you don't like 'the's you just have to come up with something badass.
Commander: Like Bloodbringer, as a lamer end of the one name deal
Commander: Oh, and your first act to become a pirate is to commandeer something, second task would have to be to find treasure using a map.
Commander: Treasure typically being something like a Perkin's on Highway 33.
Axel: Are you allowed to use Mapquest.com?
Commander: But maps suck, and you'd have to deal with it.
Commander: No, you have to use an Atlas.
Axel: Ahw.
Commander: Because if you want to be hardcore, you've got to.
Axel: Ahh... I see.
Commander: If you want to be a sissy pirate, you can go ahead, and use Mapquest.
Commander: Nobody's gonna be your friend, though.
Axel: o-o;;
Axel: No one likes a sissy pirate. *shakes head*
Commander: Exactly my point.
Commander: For health purposes, you can avoid getting scurvy, though it /does/ add to your pirateyness.
Axel: What's scurvy? D=
Commander: A disease.
Axel: Ah.
Axel: ._.
Commander: From not getting enough Vitamin C.
Axel: Ooooh...
Axel: I see.
Commander: Yes.
Commander: And all pirates must celebrate National Rum Day.
Commander: But I'm moving it, the dude had it on Mother's Day.
Axel: No. You cannot D=
Commander: Pirates should always bring their mums presents on Mother's Day.
Axel: He was drunk on /that/ day!
Axel: D:
Axel: Coconut Rum!
Commander: Fine, then they have to bring their mum presents before they get
drunk.
Axel: Mhm.
Commander: There. Fixed.
Axel: Indeed.
Axel: Leave it to Commander.
Axel: o:
Axel: To get the job well done.
Commander: I think that's aout it, unless you've got any other possible questions?
Axel: I think that covers all of it.
Axel: The basics, anyway.
Axel: Unless you really wanna get into detail.
Commander: I don't think that's necessary.
Commander: They can contact me if they want details.
Axel: Alright.
Axel: Oh!
Axel: Do you have to be impolite about everything?
Commander: No.
Commander: People like nice pirates. Just make sure you define the line between
nice and sissy.
Axel: What would the definition be?
Commander: If you find a lost child you can bring it back to it's mother, but you
can't compliment the mother that she has the prettiest nails you've ever seen, because that's pretty sissy when it comes to pirate standards.
Axel: And the bringing the child part is nice, yes?
Commander: Yes.
Axel: M'alright.
Axel: I think we got all of it covered now.
Commander: Oh.
Commander: Pirates also can't use the word 'cute'.
Axel: How about adorable? Will 'Your parrot is adorable.' be concidered being sissy?
Commander: You can really only say that if you're a female pirate, I think.
Commander: Or a less masculine pirate.
Commander: You can't say if you intend to be a badass evil pirate.
Commander: If you're a nice pirate, you can say that.
Commander: You can, however, say 'pretty' and 'beautiful'.
Axel: Do you have to 'arg' at everything?
Commander: Defintely not.
Commander: You'll just annoy everyone.
Axel: *nod*
Commander: If you wear underwear on your head you don't need any of those
other things.
Commander: I forgot that completely.
Commander: (Really best on that note if it's unused underwear.)
Commander: Unless you want to be a Gross Pirate.
Axel: M'alright.
Commander: The underwear has to go over one of your eyes.
Commander: In effect it'd work as an eyepatch also.
Commander: But then you need an accent.
Commander: That's the one exception to the former rules.
Commander: And I really do believe that's in for the basics.
Commander: *it
Axel: Anything else?
Commander: Not that I can think of for now, other than you can't be seen listening to rap or country music.
Axel: How about hip-hop and r'n'b?
Commander: That's a gray area, it all depends.
Commander: If a stupid ten year old girl will listen to it, you shouldn't.
Commander: Stupid is a key word.
Commander: And that's just a guideline, really...
Commander: If one is confused, they can ask me.
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And that concludes Mellotine's guide to being a pirate.
Comment or PM Mellotine for further questions. I hope this has helped you to be a better pirate.
*bows*
Click to go to TINGE art shop.   Xalas · Sun Sep 23, 2007 @ 01:20am · 1 Comments |
