My First Day of Silence
I'm still figuring out what is the best way to do this. I know I'm going to talk at lunch, because the whole day is a little too much, and I was thinking about being able to talk between classes, but I don't think I am because it just gets in the way of getting to class. I'm just trying to do what's best for me! Hannah is making me feel really bad about it because she says I'm an idiot for doing this. I just want to get a scholership for an Ivy League School. She should at least try to give me some support. It isn't an easy thing to do.
But to tell you the truth, grades isn't the only reason I'm talking. It's just an exuse to not have to talk. I've been really depressed lately and the best way to hide it is to not talk.
Jenny said she would take the vow with me, but guess what? After one period of saying that she said she'd give up. Now I'm alone again, so lonely. Everybody else talking. It's my decision, but to have somebody who supports me would be great. At least I have writing, and typing. And computer. *hugs computer* I should be doing my current event, which I will make journals for. I will have different articles to choose from and everything we have to do for that science class. That way it will be easier for people, and I'll get some extra practice.
I want to get switched into Ms. Braley's class so bad! Ms. Turner has no heart. If she does than it stopped beating because it's so cold. I wish she would have some kind of tutorials or extra credit so I can get caught up in that class. It's driving me crazy that I have an 81. We also too a quiz today and I probably failed it...which would bring my grade down even more. I'm seriously about to cry. School is the only thing I'm good at. Nobody understands me at home, so that's where I go for my "sanctuary" of learning. I can't wait for college. I want to have a dorm and everything. Hopefully my parents won't force me to go to a school close to where we live. All the good schools are far away from where I am. Princeton, Harvard, ect. I would rather live in a dorm than live in an apartment. Schools make me feel safe.
I know, I'm writing a lot in this journal, I just have a lot to say that I've been keeping in all day. I don't want any of the teachers to tell my parents of my vow of silence. It would be embarrasing. And I just want to get all A's like last year. I know I don't know everything, but a lot of the teachers this year can not teach! For example, Mrs. Conner. We just do those stupid sentences and highlighting the nouns and such. That's NOT for Pre-Ap classes. ANd then there's Ms. Turner. She just reads in that droning voice from her book and expects us to know what we should know. Now a good way for our level to learn. That's college stuff, we still have about five more years.
The only thing I love about school right now are my friends and Theater Production. I feel like an idol in there, like people look up to me. It's a good feeling, but sometimes I feel like I'm taking away the spotlight from people. And that makes me feel crummy. We also have to do a play tommarow...and I have a couple of preppy girls in my group that really annoy me. They just talk while we're rehearsing the play. Not cool.
He hasn't got on aim for a while. And I might not see him this week. I want to get to know him a little better before I even think about telling him how I feel about him. But if I don't get to see him how is that going to happen? I don't know. But he's so easy to talk to it's scary. I wonder if it will be easy to talk to him if we start going out. Like that's going to happen.
Picture day was today, Sarah let me borrow a tank top to put under my penguin shirt because it was a little too low cut. It was a good picture day for me. My hair wasn't messy and we took pictures in third period, before Athletics and everything that had a chance to mess up meh look. I don't care if it turns out or not, but I hope it wasn't one of those embarassing pictures of me doing something strange like blinking or making a weird face. Thank you Sarah for letting me borrow it! I'll wash it and give it back some time this week...probably. Hmm. WOw. I don't know if we have Band-Aid practice tommarow. I hope we do. Sort of. I need to study and I also want to hang out with the high school peoples. They make me feel smart and cool.
I cried on the bus today. I was listening to that "Find A Way" song that I "hate" so much. It's so sad and it reminds of me of something that gets me down. It's nobody's fault! It's just my stupid feelings. *kicks feelings* Nah...feelings are cool.
A message to meh fellow school mates:
The Social Studies Homework: Cryptogram - It's just the preamble for the constitution. The letters are unalign but just feel in the blanks.
Math Homework: Please give me the answer to the riddle. I don't feel like figuring it out.
Current Event - I will make a serperate journal for the current events. Starting now.
Ok, I guess that's it for right now. It's great to just let things out. *sigh* Leave a comment! And guys? I like long comments that reflect everything I wrote, not comments that just focus on one thing in the journal. It annoys me for some reason. So elaberate! *laughs*
-Maggeh-
I'm still figuring out what is the best way to do this. I know I'm going to talk at lunch, because the whole day is a little too much, and I was thinking about being able to talk between classes, but I don't think I am because it just gets in the way of getting to class. I'm just trying to do what's best for me! Hannah is making me feel really bad about it because she says I'm an idiot for doing this. I just want to get a scholership for an Ivy League School. She should at least try to give me some support. It isn't an easy thing to do.
But to tell you the truth, grades isn't the only reason I'm talking. It's just an exuse to not have to talk. I've been really depressed lately and the best way to hide it is to not talk.
Jenny said she would take the vow with me, but guess what? After one period of saying that she said she'd give up. Now I'm alone again, so lonely. Everybody else talking. It's my decision, but to have somebody who supports me would be great. At least I have writing, and typing. And computer. *hugs computer* I should be doing my current event, which I will make journals for. I will have different articles to choose from and everything we have to do for that science class. That way it will be easier for people, and I'll get some extra practice.
I want to get switched into Ms. Braley's class so bad! Ms. Turner has no heart. If she does than it stopped beating because it's so cold. I wish she would have some kind of tutorials or extra credit so I can get caught up in that class. It's driving me crazy that I have an 81. We also too a quiz today and I probably failed it...which would bring my grade down even more. I'm seriously about to cry. School is the only thing I'm good at. Nobody understands me at home, so that's where I go for my "sanctuary" of learning. I can't wait for college. I want to have a dorm and everything. Hopefully my parents won't force me to go to a school close to where we live. All the good schools are far away from where I am. Princeton, Harvard, ect. I would rather live in a dorm than live in an apartment. Schools make me feel safe.
I know, I'm writing a lot in this journal, I just have a lot to say that I've been keeping in all day. I don't want any of the teachers to tell my parents of my vow of silence. It would be embarrasing. And I just want to get all A's like last year. I know I don't know everything, but a lot of the teachers this year can not teach! For example, Mrs. Conner. We just do those stupid sentences and highlighting the nouns and such. That's NOT for Pre-Ap classes. ANd then there's Ms. Turner. She just reads in that droning voice from her book and expects us to know what we should know. Now a good way for our level to learn. That's college stuff, we still have about five more years.
The only thing I love about school right now are my friends and Theater Production. I feel like an idol in there, like people look up to me. It's a good feeling, but sometimes I feel like I'm taking away the spotlight from people. And that makes me feel crummy. We also have to do a play tommarow...and I have a couple of preppy girls in my group that really annoy me. They just talk while we're rehearsing the play. Not cool.
He hasn't got on aim for a while. And I might not see him this week. I want to get to know him a little better before I even think about telling him how I feel about him. But if I don't get to see him how is that going to happen? I don't know. But he's so easy to talk to it's scary. I wonder if it will be easy to talk to him if we start going out. Like that's going to happen.
Picture day was today, Sarah let me borrow a tank top to put under my penguin shirt because it was a little too low cut. It was a good picture day for me. My hair wasn't messy and we took pictures in third period, before Athletics and everything that had a chance to mess up meh look. I don't care if it turns out or not, but I hope it wasn't one of those embarassing pictures of me doing something strange like blinking or making a weird face. Thank you Sarah for letting me borrow it! I'll wash it and give it back some time this week...probably. Hmm. WOw. I don't know if we have Band-Aid practice tommarow. I hope we do. Sort of. I need to study and I also want to hang out with the high school peoples. They make me feel smart and cool.
I cried on the bus today. I was listening to that "Find A Way" song that I "hate" so much. It's so sad and it reminds of me of something that gets me down. It's nobody's fault! It's just my stupid feelings. *kicks feelings* Nah...feelings are cool.
A message to meh fellow school mates:
The Social Studies Homework: Cryptogram - It's just the preamble for the constitution. The letters are unalign but just feel in the blanks.
Math Homework: Please give me the answer to the riddle. I don't feel like figuring it out.
Current Event - I will make a serperate journal for the current events. Starting now.
Ok, I guess that's it for right now. It's great to just let things out. *sigh* Leave a comment! And guys? I like long comments that reflect everything I wrote, not comments that just focus on one thing in the journal. It annoys me for some reason. So elaberate! *laughs*
-Maggeh-
