I am tired.
I am tired of being left in this bleak wooden box, craving the sunlight on my eyelids and the feel of it’s warmth on my skin.
I am tired of this façade, tired of playing my games and wishing upon crimson stars.
I am tired of the imperfection that surrounds me; I crave the attention I so richly deserve, the attention that was promised to me all those years before.
I am tired of pipe dreams, and false memories…
I am tired of hating the man I call father, I am tired of not caring about him and the things he thinks about me.
I am sitting outside now, the wind is cold on my skin, it washes over my pale breasts, and along the curve of my back; the wind makes me numb as I write, it is soothing to me. I am sitting naked now. Naked as the day I was born. Naked lying under the light of the stars, and shivering every time small droplets of rain fall onto my skin.
I am tired.
I am tired of being left out of the conversations about me, knowing every word spilt from their lips is poison.
I am tired of being styled, manipulated into the subservient ‘good child’ of this corrupted world we live in.
I am tired of being praised for the small things I do in a day, tired of being told I am an amazing person when I am but a human being.
I am tired of being shown that life is black and white when there is no black or white; there is nothing but gray.
I am tired of being left out of the conversations about me, knowing every word spilt from their lips is poison.
I am tired of being styled, manipulated into the subservient ‘good child’ of this corrupted world we live in.
I am tired of being praised for the small things I do in a day, tired of being told I am an amazing person when I am but a human being.
I am tired of being shown that life is black and white when there is no black or white; there is nothing but gray.
I can feel eyes on my back, my mother is standing in the doorway now, looking down on me as I lay here in the rain, laptop and I laying on the picnic table; the sound of rain beating down on the small tarp that covers me. She swears that somebody will see me and take pictures, swears that at any moment somebody will jump the wooden fence and rape me in my own backyard… Funny thing is, I would love to see them try.
