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ive been debating on whether or not to put this in my journal...i finally decided i needed to get it out someway... so for the past week ive been cutting my arm up with a razor blade. i know its a stupid thing to do. i hate that i do it. and if my mom ever catches me she'll kill me. but at the same time i like doing it. i like to run my fingers over my scares. ive always had a thing for blood. and when i look at my arm...sometimes its hard to believe its mine. its so unreal. i love it and hate it at the same time. but i think i need to stop. ive tried alternatives that ive found on the internet...but they didnt help. they just made me want it more. even before ive started doin that ive done other crap. like wrist scratching/banging and head banging. ive dont head banging since i was like in 8th grade. im really not sure what kind of comments to get from this journal entry but whatever.