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Ahhh!!! >.< I was afraid this would happen, and it did... I feel terrible for having to turn him down, but... but I'm really happy with Zen.... I'm not making any sense am I? Okay *takes a breath* You remember the British guy? Vampy... Well, I was gettin' kinda worried about the way he was acting, and I was right.... @.@

I told you about the cheek licking, right? And then he started be a bit more.... playful? He kissed my cheek once and I thought I made it very clear that I was unavailable >.< He said he had a girlfriend too so I tried to accept that his demeanor was just friendly... But this time it was getting to the point where it was painfully obvious he was headed towards something more then I had in mind... (mind you, we've only talked... 3 times? 4 tops o.o and mostly about marshmallows whee )

And I swear, I tried to... to... I don't know, delay it? @.@ kept shrugging off the advances, being blunt and carefully bringing it back to just friends.... But he wasn't following the lead. *bites her lip* I really don't know him that well, but.... but I still hate knowing that what I said... made him hurt.... v.v I keep reminding myself, that even if... If I were to leave Zen for him (which is the furthest thought from my mind... >.< ) then... I wouldn't be... the girl he likes so much *bites her lip and takes a ragged breath* I wish this wasn't so hard T.T

If I could just be callus and... and bitchy *laughs* this probably wouldn't happen to me @.@ Or if it did, I wouldn't feel so bad about it.

But my question is.. Why, oh why did he admit he 'liked' me if he already knew I was with someone else? <.<; And there's something I just don't trust about him o.O I mean, I know most people don't react well when a feeling like that isn't returned, but he really clung to the thought that somehow I'd decide he was the one. I mean, really clung @.@ That's all beside the fact he's cheating on his girlfriend, whether or not I accepted.

Maybe that was my own fault though, my actions might've come off as unsure instead of decided, but consoling... v.v I just couldn't bring myself to brush him off completely, but now that I think about it, leaving him some semblance of hope might turn out to be far more cruel. Perhaps I should've just slapped him when he kissed me and had it over with <.<; But I felt bad enough as it stood, being as it was that when told him it wasn't gonna work that way he started crying on my shoulder T.T How much tougher can it be to push some one away!?

I talk this whole thing over with Shin ('cuz I know he's been through something fairly similar and I trust his advice) and he agrees that telling Zen the whole story is imperative ^.^ So guess what I get to do tomorrow? "Hello" "Hi" "Guess what" "What" "A guy, who already knew I was take, told me he likes me then cried on my shoulder when I told him I wasn't leaving you and proceeded to act as though I was his girlfriend, despite several attempts to softly ward him off, stroking my hair and even kissing me once >.< It was lovely... Oh yeah, and the only reason it happened is 'cuz I'm too soft hearted to send him packing @.@" Of course with slightly more detail, but that's the gist of it...

Oh yeah, and in the course of babbling Shin's ear off, I realized the best solution to Vampy's end of the problem is to state in no uncertain terms "New rule, keep you hands to yourself. And for awhile, no poking or licking either >.< Not that you should be licking me in the first place" and if he asked why, or argues I'll tell him it's either play it cool for awhile till we get well back with in the ring of friendship, or stop talking right here and now. <.<;; I know it might hurt him a bit, but it's better then leaving it the way it is, possibly losing Zen and being mad at Vampy for doing it >.< Right? .... *bites her lip* Ah, damn my softness! It's a curse I tell you @.@ A curse!!