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June 30, 2007
One thing I hate about staying here is there is nowhere to sleep. My parents are in the extra bedroom so that leaves me with having to find a place to sleep. Sometimes I get that room but since I was up late I wasn't going to fight for it. Why make someone else sleep on a couch when I'm up half the night? Someone said I could sleep in Chelsea's room. I didn't want to wake her up so I was quiet and she didn't wake up. But later after I'd been there a while she did, I guess I moved or something, and she didn't know who was there. I was almost asleep. She put her hand on my leg and I thought she was the dog. Apparently she also thought I was the dog. The dog meanwhile was in his own bed. XD But yeah, when she said something, I was like, "It's me! I'm sorry!" XD But yeah. And then later that night the dog grabbed some stool that was in her room and dragged it across the tile floor, making an awful sound. It woke us up and I think her mom must have woke up too because I think she came in and took the stole away from the dog, I'm not sure because I wasn't awake enough to know what was going on, other than a stool being dragged by a dog. In the morning my mom came in and woke me up and told me to get dressed to go see my grandma in the hospital. So I got ready and my aunt asked Chelsea if she wanted to go see her also, but all she would say is, "No, I don't like hospitals." This just upset me a bit because I feel like she doesn't care. So she doesn't like hospitals. Well who does? At least if you're not the one who's the patient, if you're not the one dieing, then what's the deal about going there? I sure as heck don't like hospitals but there's no way I wasn't going to go see her. This might be the last time I get to see her. And my cousin won't go because she doesn't like hospitals. I never see her even around her grandparents, and they live there in the house with them. She seems to ignore them. I mean, she is busy, she's in high school, has a bunch of silly friends, is on some dance team, and whatever. But from what I see, I don't think she spends any time with them at all. And here I am, I never get to see them anymore, and I used to get to see them all the time when they lived near my house. But no, she wouldn't go see her, just wanted to sit at home and play with her new dog that she plays with all day, and watch her big screen TV, and text people on her phone all day. And I thought I was bad about the computer. At least I'd rather go see my grandma than sit in front of my computer all day. But she'd rather text people on her phone all day instead. It could be that she doesn't want to see her like this, in the hospital and all that. I guess it scares her, and I can't blame her, but it makes me feel bad that she won't go, and that she acts like she doesn't care. She seems to be the only one who's just going along, not paying much attention to what's going on while everyone else is upset. And her mother is afraid to leave her at home. I guess she's one of those paranoid parents. The girl is old enough to stay home. I was staying home by myself when I was two years younger than the age she is now, no problem. Yeah, it is Miami, but hey, this is Orlando, and that's almost as bad. Plus she's got not one but two dogs now that bark pretty loud, even if they aren't exactly brave dogs, people outside don't know this. But whatever, so my aunt didn't want to leave her there too long, and couldn't go with us right away. She said she was going to talk to Chelsea about what's going on before she came. Well I'm glad she was going to do that, because that girl doesn't seem to be aware of what's going on. We went to the hospital, and when we got there, I was glad to see that my grandma was awake at least. I wanted her to know I was there, but I don't know if she recognized me or not. My mom thinks she did though. She couldn't even talk, she just made a few sounds. I really don't know if she had any idea of what was going on or not, and that's what upsets me the most I think. Because I don't know if she even knew who I was or that I was there or what. The last time I saw her, she could talk. She stopped speaking English long ago though, so I haven't been able to actually talk to her for several years now. And apparently after that, she started getting confused with Spanish. She would say something, and it would sound like real words to me, because I didn't know Spanish and whatever she said sounded passable for Spanish, but no one was ever able to tell me what she was saying after a while. x.x But when I saw she couldn't make any sort of speech at all, it was just awful. I stood there and held her hand for a little while and at one point she kind of just stopped moving at all, and it scared me really bad because I thought she was dieing right then and there, but then she moved again and I was relieved but it scared me so bad I went and sat down, and a minute later I was sick. After that I knew I couldn't be there when she died and just hoped it didn't happen while I was there. We were there for several hours but nothing changed. She'd be awake sometimes, and asleep sometimes, but there really wasn't much difference if she was awake or asleep. After a while we went down to get lunch at the hospital's resteraunt place. Then we came back for a while more, and by then I was wanting to go home. My aunt, who had said she was coming after she talked to Chelsea, didn't get there until around the time we were coming back to the room, and it had been hours later. She was supposed to take me back, but she'd just gotten there, so I had to wait longer. Someone sent for a priest and he came in and prayed for her, but it was mostly in Spanish, so I don't know what was said. After that we were there for a little while more, and I tried to use a computer right outside the room but it had a stupid password if you tried to leave the hospital's website. What a bunch of crap. Finally me, my mom, and my aunt left. I felt a little bad about it but there was nothing to do there but sit around and watch her lying there which was awful, not knowing if she knows you're there, and not having anywhere to sit, and I was so afraid of her dieing while I was there I just wanted to leave. I at least got to see her one more time. As we were leaving I took a picture of the big pineapple fountain in front of the hospital. That hospital had pictures of pineapples everywhere, made me think of Kaz LOL. And our pineapple fountain at home. When I got home it was about an hour and a half after the zombie raid party thing started in towns. I figured I might be too late for it, but that I might as well check and see, and have something to keep me busy. Well they had moved it to someone's house but it was still going on. I guess I missed the main part of it. I had wanted Kaz to come with me since it said you could bring a date but he wasn't on. I would have called him but I didn't bother since they moved to someone's house for the rest of the time and were just playing truth or dare by then. And it was all girls anyway and they seemed happy that it was an all girls party at that point. XD So I just played T or D with them for a while until they moved to a thread, then I posted there once but by then I was distracted by other things, people talking to me and making chats and stuff and I wasn't really in the mood for hanging out in some online party anymore, so I just talked to people in the chat. Well later, as if a bad day just had to be made a bit more worse, when Kaz came in he said he was in some other chat, and I asked him where and he took forever answering me, finally saying it was on this chat website thing, so I went there and it was Drakengel and a bunch of people from Flyff. Well I wasn't too happy that here he was thinking about Flyff so much when I told him not to go on for a week. He wasn't on Flyff, but it was on his mind obviously which makes me feel like he can't stop thinking or talking about it because he's stuck on it. Plus I was mad that he didn't tell me about this other chat right away. And I was annoyed at Drakengel because I feel like she's part of the problem, always telling him to get on Flyff and play with her and her friends and whatever, leading him to get on more and get mad at me for not being good at Flyff and stuff. I thought she was a nice person though, she always seemed nice to me (though she never asked me to play, only ever seems interested in talking to and playing with Kaz) but she did let me ride on her fancy bike and gave me a ring that sent my character directly to Kaz's until the time on it ran out. But anyway, I had tried to PM her about two days ago when the problem first occurred with Kaz getting mad at me over Flyff, but her PMs were off or something. That bothered me a lot, because I couldn't find any other way of contacting her. She wasn't on Flyff at the time and I finally found her AIM name but she wasn't on there either. Well now here she was in this chat and she got all mad at me. She already knew why I was upset so obviously Kaz had already said something in a biased way to her about me not wanting him to play with anyone else on Flyff, making me sound like the bad person. She got bitchy with me saying something like, "I can help whoever I want on Flyff and you can't tell me who not to help." And then she told everyone in the room to put me on ignore, and wouldn't answer any of my IMs on AIM. And here I thought she was someone nice. Yeah right. I'm so tired of people making friends with Kaz, just to be total jerks to me. About half his friends are like this and I'm sick of it. Well it turned out that the other people in the room didn't put me on ignore, and wanted to know what happened. So I was able to tell my side of the story, the things Kaz had said to me, my feelings on the amount of time he played Flyff and the amount of importance he put in it, and all of that. So at least they didn't think I was some awful person, but Drak left while I was talking, I don't think she ever apologized or even believed me about what I said, but I don't know. It just pisses me off that someone would say that kind of crap to me. He's my boyfriend, and I feel like these things are causing problems in the relationship, and I'm telling him not to play with other people, I'm not telling her who to help and who not to help. I don't see why she can't just respect me and how I feel and find someone else to play with. If Kaz was a reasonable person all the time, this wouldn't have happened in the first place. And the thing is, the PM I wrote to her was well thought out and as nicely and politely as I could get, but her PMs were off and I was never able to send it, and then she had to find this stuff out from Kaz and I had to try to explain it to her under not so good conditions. Which makes me mad because maybe this could have been avoided if she'd accepted my PMs. Her friend did, and she seemed okay with how I felt. I do feel bad about telling people not to play with someone but it's just one person and it is, I feel, for a good reason because I don't enjoy getting yelled at because of a game and other people being better at it than me. I don't see any need for this to happen at all. If he's going to let a game make him angry at me then I have to do something about it. And sometimes I just don't know what to do except get rid of anything that might cause him to get mad at me again. In this case, other people who help him.
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