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June 29, 2007
Last night was horrible. I don't understand why Kaz would do this to me. I was in a chat with people and Kaz wouldn't come in because he was playing Flyff. Well that's fine, if he doesn't want to come in he doesn't have to. But people were kind of wondering where he was, so I said he was playing Flyff, and Solomon said something about how he thought Kaz was addicted to video games, and I agreed with him, because lately Kaz has not wanted to stop playing Flyff. It's Flyff all day and all night, and I know it's because he wants to get to level 75 but it's getting to be too much at once. He always wants me on and gets upset if I get bored with it. So today he played with someone else helping him, which was fine, it gave me a break and I would rather be in the chat talking to people than on Flyff and getting half distracted by that chat. But then when he finally got off Flyff and came in the chat, the first thing he said was, "I blame Vicki". I couldn't believe he would say that, and what's more, I didn't know what he was blaming me for. I just get so sick feeling every time he blames me for something, and everything had seemed to be going fine so why was he blaming me for things again? No one else knew what he was talking about either and he finally said it was for me slowing him down on Flyff and keeping him on longer. And then he went on to say how the person who helped him today was so much better than me and how bad I sucked and stuff... The same thing he did to me not that long back when he said he was replacing me with someone and we got into that fight in the middle of Flyff. x.x I thought when we got that cleared up that he didn't think that way anymore, I thought I was helping him out just fine, not letting him die, healing him, buffing him, I thought everything was fine. And then he goes and does it again. Every time he plays with someone else supporting him he says that they're so much better than me and that I'm horrible, and he gets mad at me and really mean about it. He argued about it for half the night and I told him no more Flyff for a week. I really would rather it be for a month, but he refuses to do that, and I don't want him yelling even more. But I think it's time he takes a break from this game because it is becoming the most important thing in his life and it's becoming something that he's yelling at me for not being good enough at. After this week is up, I'm not letting him play with anyone else but me, at least not anyone else supporting him. I'm afraid the same thing will happen and I can't let it happen again. I think he'll quit playing with me at all on that character because he'll decide that everyone else he plays with is much better, or he'll choose them over me when I want to play, and then he'll be on there for hours and ignore me to play this game. And I've seen things like this happen to too many other people, where their boyfriends or even husbands sit and play an MMORPG all day and pay no attention to them. Kaz really likes video games so I worry about something like this happening, and I've been so glad that he's never been as bad as that and I don't want something like that to start with him. If he can't take a break from this game for a week, then he's got a problem. The worst of it is, he almost caused me to not get to go with my parents to Miami today to see my grandparents who live down there. My grandma is really bad off and no one think she has very long left to live, and I wanted to go and see them, and it's been about a year since I last saw them. My parents don't like to take me if I get upset over anything, because they're afraid I'll bother people or something, and Kaz got me really upset tonight. I got to go though, they finally let me go but I was so scared I wouldn't get to. When I got there she wasn't even awake, and she looked awful. She looked pretty bad before, but this was way worse. And my granddad had forgotten all this stuff about me, like he didn't remember when my birthday was, or how old I am, or even that I wore glasses. I know I didn't wear them when I was younger when they lived here, but I know I wore them the past several years when I went to visit them. But then my other grandma who's okay forgot how old I was that one time too, so I guess it's just from being old. But other than that he at least seems okay. It's not like he's forgotten who I am or anything, apparently my grandma forgot who everyone is. Later that day they had to call an ambulance to come get her because she was having trouble breathing or something and some doctor who was supposed to come to the house never came. So they took her to the hospital, she was still asleep when they took her and my dad and uncle went with them and they've been gone all day today. And my cousin got some new dog. He's a puppy but he's huge. So now their other dog is jealous and stuff... These people just seem to get pets whenever, even when they still have other ones around. I feel bad for Lucky because my cousin is with the other dog all day and doesn't pay attention to him at all... Or anyone else for that matter.
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