i am tired of fighting it.. i am tired of living. it hurts just to breathe, to walk, to move. to deal with these pains. to try to reach for that light, that shred of sanity and happiness, floating just beyond my reach as i am pulled deeper and deeper into the enveloping darkness that is depression. i cannot handle it any longer.
people try to help, but they are all so far away... no one is here to hold me, and comfort me, to tell me i am loved, and that i am needed. i long to be treated like a little kid, and just rocked when i cry.
i am not invinsible.. no, i am weaker then most. i cannot deal with this any longer.
with fever burning in my cheeks, i plan with my beloved friend, Housekitty, my escape. my body is flooded with energy at the thought of freedom, and the thrill of knowing i will be away from here, and beyond their grasp. yet i cant leave yet..
in this god-forsaken town, i actualy have some simblance of friends.. Smith, as i told you, may even be able to aid me.. yet i doubt it. but, there is still the chance. i shall mearly ask him for $20, or maybe a ride to the next town, or both. if he will not, then i shall ask Roxie, this older girl, sister to a friend, Megan.
if not, i can alwaysjust wait untill we go on a trip with ROTC. by what they claim, it'll be in about a month. not too far off, considering. i still need money and a place to go.. right? right.. i'll have to consider this. but, still, i am going to. thats all for now.. if i have more to say, i will post it later.
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