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The void was there from the start. An empty, gaping hole inside of me. It burned with hunger, yearned for me to fill it. It growled and screamed. The pain was evident. To me, at least.

The realization struck me like a sudden blast of cold air. I was insane. The thought of it made my knees buckle and my head spin. Surely I was not! But alas, I was indeed.

At home, it was a depression, mostly. Sitting there, gazing out the window, I realized just how lonely I was. I realized in what I poor state of mental health I was. I longed to share this with someone, but who would listen to an mental freak?

Yet, in a sick, twisted way that I was barely aware of, my subconscious level needed the insanity. To fill the void, I suppose. The emptiness was still there, but renewed, changed. Different, almost... But not quite.

After I was rejected by my first crush, that's when the waves of mentalness (is that even a word?) really hit me. Depression, mania, hyseria, paranoia, and finally, full-on insanity. I knew it was just a cruel trick from my subconscious, faking a first crush. Yet I was crushed. I couldn't stand the rejection. I was completely and utterly alone. Drowning in my insanity...