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...I feel less incompetant? I used to have lots of self-esteem, oh yes. I was self-confident and smart and talented at one point in my life. But I don't feel like that anymore. I feel small, stupid, hopeless and without direction.

I'm not doing well in school, at least not well enough for my parents. I had a dream last night, the only thing I remember really well is that I got my midterm report card and I received a 37% in math and my parents locked me in my room. I don't know which I would rather, to be able to live up my parents expectations or to have them lower theirs to my level.
I wish I was better at music, my range sucks and I'm not sure how to get better. I want to quit my job, but I don't really mind having it and I need the money. I don't spend enough time with Scott. I want to play rugby but I don't know if I'll be able to at this point. I thought I knew where I was going with my life, I sat down and thought about it on a more realistic level and realized I don't know where I'm going at all.

I hate these bouts of self-pity and angst. I just wish I had more time.