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These things are so ridiculous! We train with them day in and day out and it drives me nuts! I seriously wonder why I even continue training and using a lightsaber when these things kill so easily and I'm a pacifist, damnit! I swear, I wanna just quit this whole order and go and live a nice life elsewhere. I mean, even the rules suck! No attachments to anyone; parents, lovers, no one!!!! We can't even make money! I have to hide whatever money I do get so I can get some decnt clothes (which I'm working on). It is so agravating!!! You know, if it weren't for this journal I would be the most emotional jedi there is. We're not even allowed to be angery or scared. How stupid is that?! Force! I'm am getting so ticked!!!!