Ugh. There was a New York Yankees game today and we drove up about 2 hours to watch them. I didn't really want to go- We left straight after I got home from school and we didn't get home until after 12 in the morning. To top things off, I don't even know how to play baseball, so not only did I find it boring, but I sat in confusion during most of it. It was cold, as well, and I only had a thin sweatshirt with me. All the while I was thinking and hoping of how much I would've ENJOYED the game had I been with Max. I started zoning out, and I started to see him- seriously. It was freaking me out. First I saw him sitting next to me... smiling. Then I snapped out of it and realized I was staring at my brother. -_-; So I talked to my mom about it and she just said "You're fantisizing (if I spelled that wrong, please tell me the correct spelling- thanks <3)" so then I went on to ask, "Is that bad?" and... well, I'm assuming it was, because her response was, "So what's the score?" T.T Oh well, I'd much rather fantisize (sp) about Max than any other thing. I dream about him every night, and I think about him 24/7. Of course, feeling so attached also adds to my fear of losing him. Everyday I can think less and less of what I would do without him. I hope I don't just lose it and kill myself, but... I guess it's unnecessary to go thinking about losing him. I trust in my heart that we'll always be together- or atleast long enough for my emotions to stable out.
Okay, I also found out (and I'm nearly positive) that I'm bipolar. People would make fun of me when I had my "mood swings". They always said I was on my period. (Thanks, guys -.-) But yeah, now I can tell them I'm bipolar =D I think that'll solve the problem.
And it's late (1:50 AM on a school night), and my mind is going all over the place. So before I mix you up by talking about how my dog peed all over the place today, I'll just warn you that I'm about to go COMPLETELY off topic.
Kay- so today we came home from the Yankees game (like I said, around 12:30 AM) and my dog was being all weird. She was happy to see my mom, then when I walked in, she started barking ( that's horrible...). Then after we finally calmed her down and she woke up- we assumed she was acting all strange because we woke her up when we came in and she was still half asleep- she started rubbing her... vaginal region (please don't ask how she managed to do this, it was really weird o_o; ) on the floor. So after "Eww wtf"ing, I realized she was peeing. But we couldn't punish her or anything because we hadn't been home all day to take her out. Then she started jumping up on me (I was careful to make sure she didn't pee on me), and then she ran into the kitchen and peed some more! So I took her outside. She wasn't on her leash, so I just let her run free. Since it was late, no one was outside so it was fine... but she didn't pee -.-; So now we have pee stains on our floor. Yeah, that's the whole story. Sorry it wasn't very exciting o_o;
And on that note, I'm going to say thank you for reading this entry- I really appreciate an audience ^^- and good night. Because I'm tired (kind of) and it's now 1:56 AM... meaning I have to be up in a few hours. Well actually my mom said that I might be able to stay home or go into school late since we got home late. I know I don't want to go to school but I'm not sure what I'll do if I stay home. I'll probably play some FFXI (Final Fantasy 11- for those who play, I'm on Diabolos server, character name: Ferendial.) but... I'm getting kind of sick of it -.- I was supposed to see my counselor tomarrow (I think?) so I'll have to reschedule that I might call the school, though, to talk to him. He's like my human journal- he knows everything about me... about all of my boyfriends (and ex boyfriends), issues with friends, issues with parents, issues with brothers, issues with my past, etc. etc. I have nothing to hide from him. But honestly I'm pretty open about my life with anyone ^^ I'd just rather not write it all down in a public journal 'cause... then I won't feel like it's "my" life anymore. It'll be a public story, like something you would read in a magazine. And I'd rather not have my life become a magazine ^^ But for those of you who don't know me, or are just beginning to know me, please don't hesitate to ask me any questions about... anything (and yes, I mean anything.) . The only touchy topics to me are alcohol, homosexuality and religion, but I don't mind talking about those as long as you agree with me- otherwise I get kinda moody.
(Oh, for the record- I'm emotionally scarred due to family members doing alcohol, so I get nervous around alcoholics... and I'm very religious. And I'm a homosexual. So don't message me telling me you're a homophobic atheist who drinks. Please. o.o;;;;;;;;;;;; )
Okay. FUCCCCK!!!! I'm sorry for ranting. It is now 2:01 AM, and I forgot I said good night all right.
And I'd like to add a special good night for Max, assuming that he reads this <3 Mmk. And now my brother is being a douchebag and arguing that I have to go to bed. Apparently he doesn't agree with my idea of keeping my journal updated >.> So I tried explaining how venting my feelings helps me sleep, and he told me it was bullshit Dx. He's such an a*****e. Awhile back he came home drunk (Yeah, the alcohol again...) and he was like completely smashed. He had gotten hooked (punched) in the face for some bullshit reason (not his fault) and he had to skate home because he got his license taken away. And I WAS THE ONLY ONE THERE FOR HIM D< My mom was asleep, and my other brother was sleeping over a friend's. He passed out on the bathroom floor, so I gave him a pillow and blanket, realizing it was useless trying to drag him out, or even wake him up. And the next day I told him I'd always be here for him and I was always on his side, and that day he was nice to me, but after that he's gone back to his assholeish mood. And I'm sick of it. I can't wait for him to go to the Navy- he's leaving on June 6th- but I think I'm going to miss him.
OMFG Jesus Christ, it's 2:06 now. I'm going to bed. For real this time.
Good night, people. Thanks again for reading <333
I love you Max :3
Okay, I also found out (and I'm nearly positive) that I'm bipolar. People would make fun of me when I had my "mood swings". They always said I was on my period. (Thanks, guys -.-) But yeah, now I can tell them I'm bipolar =D I think that'll solve the problem.
And it's late (1:50 AM on a school night), and my mind is going all over the place. So before I mix you up by talking about how my dog peed all over the place today, I'll just warn you that I'm about to go COMPLETELY off topic.
Kay- so today we came home from the Yankees game (like I said, around 12:30 AM) and my dog was being all weird. She was happy to see my mom, then when I walked in, she started barking ( that's horrible...). Then after we finally calmed her down and she woke up- we assumed she was acting all strange because we woke her up when we came in and she was still half asleep- she started rubbing her... vaginal region (please don't ask how she managed to do this, it was really weird o_o; ) on the floor. So after "Eww wtf"ing, I realized she was peeing. But we couldn't punish her or anything because we hadn't been home all day to take her out. Then she started jumping up on me (I was careful to make sure she didn't pee on me), and then she ran into the kitchen and peed some more! So I took her outside. She wasn't on her leash, so I just let her run free. Since it was late, no one was outside so it was fine... but she didn't pee -.-; So now we have pee stains on our floor. Yeah, that's the whole story. Sorry it wasn't very exciting o_o;
And on that note, I'm going to say thank you for reading this entry- I really appreciate an audience ^^- and good night. Because I'm tired (kind of) and it's now 1:56 AM... meaning I have to be up in a few hours. Well actually my mom said that I might be able to stay home or go into school late since we got home late. I know I don't want to go to school but I'm not sure what I'll do if I stay home. I'll probably play some FFXI (Final Fantasy 11- for those who play, I'm on Diabolos server, character name: Ferendial.) but... I'm getting kind of sick of it -.- I was supposed to see my counselor tomarrow (I think?) so I'll have to reschedule that I might call the school, though, to talk to him. He's like my human journal- he knows everything about me... about all of my boyfriends (and ex boyfriends), issues with friends, issues with parents, issues with brothers, issues with my past, etc. etc. I have nothing to hide from him. But honestly I'm pretty open about my life with anyone ^^ I'd just rather not write it all down in a public journal 'cause... then I won't feel like it's "my" life anymore. It'll be a public story, like something you would read in a magazine. And I'd rather not have my life become a magazine ^^ But for those of you who don't know me, or are just beginning to know me, please don't hesitate to ask me any questions about... anything (and yes, I mean anything.) . The only touchy topics to me are alcohol, homosexuality and religion, but I don't mind talking about those as long as you agree with me- otherwise I get kinda moody.
(Oh, for the record- I'm emotionally scarred due to family members doing alcohol, so I get nervous around alcoholics... and I'm very religious. And I'm a homosexual. So don't message me telling me you're a homophobic atheist who drinks. Please. o.o;;;;;;;;;;;; )
Okay. FUCCCCK!!!! I'm sorry for ranting. It is now 2:01 AM, and I forgot I said good night all right.
And I'd like to add a special good night for Max, assuming that he reads this <3 Mmk. And now my brother is being a douchebag and arguing that I have to go to bed. Apparently he doesn't agree with my idea of keeping my journal updated >.> So I tried explaining how venting my feelings helps me sleep, and he told me it was bullshit Dx. He's such an a*****e. Awhile back he came home drunk (Yeah, the alcohol again...) and he was like completely smashed. He had gotten hooked (punched) in the face for some bullshit reason (not his fault) and he had to skate home because he got his license taken away. And I WAS THE ONLY ONE THERE FOR HIM D< My mom was asleep, and my other brother was sleeping over a friend's. He passed out on the bathroom floor, so I gave him a pillow and blanket, realizing it was useless trying to drag him out, or even wake him up. And the next day I told him I'd always be here for him and I was always on his side, and that day he was nice to me, but after that he's gone back to his assholeish mood. And I'm sick of it. I can't wait for him to go to the Navy- he's leaving on June 6th- but I think I'm going to miss him.
OMFG Jesus Christ, it's 2:06 now. I'm going to bed. For real this time.
Good night, people. Thanks again for reading <333
I love you Max :3
