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So like, I play www.kingdomofloathing.com , yeah? I started playing 23 days ago, and ascended today, with my lvl 15 Seal Clubber. I used the following equipment:

Hat: Wolf Mask
Weapon: Wand of Nagmar
Pants: Furry Pants
Accesory: Flaming Talons (x3)
Familiar: Barrrnacle level 25ish.

Ahaha, so the first form was easy, I just used normal attacks on her. She has around 300 health I guess, and I was doing about 30 damage a turn. Unluckily, I could only hit her around 50% of the time, so it was going to be a long battle. Luckily, my barrrnacle latched onto her, slowing her down, so she could only attack for every 3 out of 4 turns or so. Also, she could barely hit me anyway, as my moxie was 38, and her moxie is based on my own. So after a long, but relatively easy battle, I got onto her 2nd form.
Her 2nd form was this thing:

She hit me for 12 damage every turn, and I only had around 150 health left, so I had to kill her quickly. I used a lunging-thrust-smack each turn, which had the same chance of hitting as my normal attack, however this did around 70 damage a turn. I took her down quickly, but with only a few health points remaining. I moved onto her third and final form, which was this:

A floating sausage. Normally, it would hit for around 30,000 damage per turn, easily enough to kill me instantly. Thanks to my Wand of Nagmar however, I was able to summon a sausage eater, which took care of her no problem.
I ascended, taking my 20 lb Cheshire Bat with me, to boost my meat and stats faster. I took the Meat-Smithing skill on with me, allowing my to make some kind of income in my new life.

So now I'm a level 5 Turtle summoner, which is going well so far, I miss being a Seal Clubber sad I WANT JAIME TO POLISH MY CLUB K. :[ When I ascend next, I'm planning on going for an accordion thief, and then maybe a clubber again. Or a Pastamancer... I just don't know. D:

Anyway, if you haven't joined KoL yet, do it. Now.

So, it's about time I updated. For my fans, y'see. All my fans...

If you want an autograph or a signed picture, just drop me a line and I'll give you the hookup. Gotta keep the fans happy.

Also, I'm releasing a new CD on the 23rd of June, it's called "Bitchez n' der s**t," and I really think it's my best work yet. It fuses melodic hardcore, rap metal, and nu-country, and all the critics gave it 10 out of 10. Pretty much if you don't buy it, you're a sucker.

Finally, I'd like to thank everyone who has supported me during my trial. This is for all of you who believed me when I said "I was just inspecting that boy's a** boil," and "I kept my alcohol and porn stash in a safe place, it's not my fault he stumbled across it," and also "During those cold winter nights, we had to conserve body heat." I mean, really guys. My acquital is the biggest thing since Nelson Mandela's release. In fact, ******** him. This is the biggest thing since the fall of the Berlin Wall. Because I'm bigheaded enough to believe my legal matters are as important, if not more so, than the collapse of the Soviet Union, and the end of Aparthied in South Africa. I think a lot of people agree with me on that, too.

Anyway guys, enough of that. I'm going to go hang out at an orphange, and see if I can pick up a few more kids.

The Basic Stuff
Name? Dan
Age? Ummm 17
Height? Short, like 5 foot something, or something
Weight? No idea. :]
Birthday? November 24th
Birthplace? Cheltenham
Current Location? ... Cheltenham. :[
School/Grade? Chosen Hill, year 12.
Zodiac Sign? Sagitarius
Chinese Zodiac Sign? Something really pathetic, like rat or like goat or something
Righty or Lefty? Left handed
Haircolor? Brown
Eyecolor? Brown
Skin Color? Purple

About You
What's Your Family Situation (Parents, Siblings, etc)? Mum sister brother.
Any Pets? Yes
If So What Are They? 3 cats
Favorite Relative? Don't have one :[
Least Favorite Relative? EVERYONE. :{D
What's Your Heritage/Race? English, Irish
Political Affilation? None

Love & Sex
Sexuality? Straight as an arrow. 8D
Are You In A Relationship Now? Yess.
If So, With Whom? Jaime. <3
For How Long? 6 months this tuesday
Are You In Love? Yes.
Do You Have A Crush On Anyone? Anyone like your mom? Hawhaw. ;D
Ever Had A Crush On Someone Of The Same Sex? No thanks. D:<
How Old Were You When You Had Your First Kiss? 15 I think.
Virgin? Yah
If Not, How Old Were You When You Had Sex For The First Time? N/A.
Was It Enjoyable? Very much so
What's The Farthest You've Ever Gone? Ummm Germany. What's this got to do with love and sex?
Where Do You Most Like To Be Kissed? Ohhh... ;D
Best Love Quote? I love you

Your Friends
Best? Jaime
How Many Do You Have? I could probably count them all on one hand. n_n
More Guys Or Girls? Kind of even
Love Them All? Ahaha. You're kidding, right? :]
Any You Wish You Were Closer To? Not at all.
Oldest? Don't know
Newest? Not sure
Pen Pal? Nope.

Friends And Words: Associate Them
Screw that

This Or That
Boxers or Briefs? boxers, briefs are all like tight and gross. :[
Thongs or G-Strings? There's a difference?
Shorts or Pants? Pants
Shoes or Barefeet? Depends
Books or Movies? Movies, require less effort
Night or Day? Night
Dark or Light? Dark
Mountains or Beach? Mountains, I went up the highest mountain in wales once! Then went back down again. Ahhh, what a fun day out.
Snow or Sun? Snow
Pepsi or Coke? c**k. I mean, coke.
Guys or Girls? Umm, both have their uses I guess
Swim or Surf? I can't swim and I can't surf. When I go to the beach, I always dig holes and build sandcastles. :'D

For or Against
Gay Marriage? Indifferent
Abortion? Depends, like if the baby is perfectly healthy then there's no reason for it to be aborted, but if it's going to be born retarded or ugly, then maybe that's for the best. I dunno.
Bush Getting Re-elected? Doesn't/didn't really effect me, but I don't see him as a terrible leader, and better than Kerry. John Kerry's chin scared me.
Suicide? No, there's always alternatives, like ummm whatever. Screw that, if you wanna do it then do it.
War? Only as a last resort
Pants? Against, ******** pants.
Clothes In General? All I can say is, thank God for clothes.. It'd be so gross if fat people walked around naked. :'[
Penises? I always thought it was pen0rs. :'D

Favorites
Color? Blue purple and pink
Number? 7
Holiday? Probably just Christmas
Season? Autumn, winter, or spring. Any except summer, really.
Movie? I don't knowww, too many to chose from.
Book? Harry Potter or something
Magazine? PORN
Food? Pizza. :}D
Drink? Dr Pepper
TV Show? Futurama or Peep Show or Spaced
Song? Changes Frequently, probably "A Year and an Ocean" by the Khayembii Communique right now, though.
Band? Joy Division, The Smiths, Cap'n Jazz or Hot Cross. Too many to choose from. :[
Computer Game? Uplink
Video Game? Chrono Trigger 4eva
Anime/Manga? Don't watch anime
Shirt? Just a blue shirt that I've had for about 5 years, it's awesome
Pants? My ripped up BMXing jeans
Actor? Kevin Spacey or William H. Macy
Actress? Liv Tyler
Singer? Ian Curtis or Jamie Stewart (From Joy Division and Xiu Xiu respectively)
Flower? Pfft, ******** that. Daffodil. :'D
Scent? p***s
Animal? Anaconda
Cookie? Chocolate chip.

The Future
Want To Go To College? Not sure yet
What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up? Dunno.
Want To Get Married? Yes
Want To Have Kids? Yes
What Would Their Names Be? Aslan and Kaorin. :'D
How Many? 5000
Where Do You Want To Live? Somewhere in America.
Where Do You Want To Get Married? Doesn't matter, what's important is who I'm marrying.
How Do You Want To Die? Heart attack

More Stuff About You
Piercings? No thanks.
Tattoos? Nope
Smoke? Nevar >:{D
Drink? Nope
Do Drugs? Nope,
Skinny Dip? Nope
Greatest Fear? Lots of stupid things, like zombie cats, and old people.
Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate
Go To Church? Nope
Religion? Agnostic
Scars? lots
CDs Owned? Only about 70
Collections? None.
Like To Be Naked? Depends ;D
Ever Eaten Sushi? Nope, poor fishies. :[
An Entire Case Of Oreos? Whenever I get the chance (Which isn't often) ;_;
Been On Stage? Yes
Danced In The Rain? Yep
Kissed Someone Of The Same Sex? Ew, cooties. :[
Weirdest Dream? One where I seal was coming to "get" me
Best Dream? I'm not saying here. ;[
Saddest Dream? Not saying that, either
Dream You Most Wish Would Come True? Not tellin' ;D
Think You're Attractive? Nope.
Shoplifted? Nope
Been Caught "Doing Something"? Something like what?.
Weirdest Makeout Place? Umm, none
Like Thunderstorms? They're awesome. CRASH. :'D I want to be struck by lightning.
Favorite Shoes? Just my shoes.
Favorite Quote? "Jar Jar Binks makes the Ewoks look like ******** Shaft!" - Tim Bisley from Spaced
Best Advice Given? "Try not to do anything stupid"
Worst Advice Given? "Just be yourself"
Favorite Song Lyric? Dunno
What Quote Says Most About Your Life? Something about every day being the same or somethin.
Glad This Is Over? No, I'm bored. :[

Gawsh.
I really wanna play Quackshot for the Genesis. :[

I reported someone for saying "shoot yourself" to someone in a thread. The mod replied telling me it wasn't really suicide encouragement, so no action was taken. Because apparently it wasn't directed at anyone. So that means I could make a thread called "Kill yourself" and they could take no action, right? I mean, I'm not directing it at anyone specifically, just people in general.

So seriously, the new mods SUCK. Go learn the ******** rules, retards.

So many cunts have posted in my journal. I just wonder what's the point.
Some b***h told me I shouldn't be swearing. Yeah, ******** that.
Then some retard's gone through like every entry and posted "This is really boring" for like entry. If it's so boring, piss off, knobhead. :D

I'm going to pretend that I got really drunk and had a great time on New Year's Eve.

So, I had a great time and got really drunk on new year's eve. :3

I figure it's been a while since I last updated, so here it is. I hope you're ready for this.



I'M SO ******** BORED.

So, that's me for the next month. Have fun.

So I was talking to someone earlier, and She was like "Okay, bye"
And I was like "Why, where are you going? D:"
And she was like "Nowhere, I just don't want to talk to you anymore"

Well, okay then. Goodbye to you, too.

And I can tell things are going wrong already. Oh well, no surprise.

And I just quit being a moderator.