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heart
 Black Doggie · Tue Apr 19, 2011 @ 05:01pm · 0 Comments |
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Office jokes are my deep dirty secret |
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Impressions from other countries......
Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter
Olympics, these are some questions people the world over are asking!
Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an
International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are a joke but
the questions were really asked.
Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?(England )
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit
around and watch them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA )
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto -can I follow the Railroad
tracks? (Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? (Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to
contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy )
A: Let's not touch this one.
Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a
list of them in Toronto , Vancouver , Edmonton and Halifax ? (England)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the
hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary . Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? (USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ? (England )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
night in Vancouver and in Calgary , straight after the hippo races. Come
naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? (Germany )
A: No, we don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
you sell it in Canada ? (USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female
population is smaller than the male population? (Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? (USA )
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year
round? (Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is
illegal .
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget
its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent. They roam the
city streets eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. Spraying
yourself with human urine before you go out walking will scare them off.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA )
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Black Doggie · Tue Mar 13, 2007 @ 08:16pm · 1 Comments |
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Alright this is wolf at his best... He loves Virginia very much!
Wolf was just very rude to Virginia because his "cycle" is coming, in other words the moon is almost full and well for a wolf this makes his blood a little hot... However Virginia hasn't really caught on just yet...
Wolf- *Sad because he was rude so he thinks of someway he can make it up to Virginia, so he goes and gets flowers* "Virginia please forgive me! I didn't meant to be so rude, it's that my cycle is coming on and... and once a month I get very irrational and I just want to pick a fight with anyone who comes near me!"
Virginia- (( Kinda all sweatdrop and smiling ackwardly and stuff )) *smells flowers* Sounds farmiliar...
Wolf- * Being his cute little desperate self and all "Awwwww" * "But I'll be perfectly, PERFECTLY alright if you keep me away from temptation" (( He's a recovering foodaholic he was using food to replace love, but he's seen the light and is now madly in love with Virginia. Yay! However he still is tempeted by animals and uhhh sexy girls...))
Virginia- *Understandingly* "You know, I get like that to sometimes actually, But-"
Wolf- Ohhhh *Eyes go big as he sees sheep, like this but with drool on face eek .* Look at the sheep... *shifty*
Virginias all - *wha?!?*
Wolf- *gulp. Shifty Shifty* Droppings... >><<>> Ohhhhhhh!!! *Big gasp eyes are huge! eek Like ten times that and then there's Shepperlasses skipping towards Wolf and Virginia, flashing their knickers, no seriously their whores. Stupid slutty sheperdes... why don't they just go ******** a sheep or something **angry angry** Don't believe me now well this is the scene after this image... Poor wolf*
Wolf- *Staring raptrously at young giddy sheperdlass* *Hungrily* Mornin' *Looks her up and down*
Sally-Mornin' My names Sally I'm a Sheperdlass *Behind her is a gaggle of girls stirring about being all lifty skirtness sorta... >><<>>*
Wolf- *Hugrily*Ohhhh! There's no question about that! twisted eek
Sally- My wha't' strong arms you've got! If my door wasn't locked, I'd be scared you'd come into my house and Huff... and Puff... and blow alllllll my clothes OFF! (( See what I mean, talk about a slut... Psh doesn't matter she tottaly gets what she's asking for later in the movie....))
Wolf- *Eyes popping out of head, drooling like mad**Playful and sexy* Rwwrrrhhh!
Sally and girls- Ohhhhh *being all "cute" shocked and "excited" >_>;;**giggles*
Wolf- *Hungry HUNGRY!* "Where do you live Sally!?!"
Sally and girls- *giggles*
Virginia- "Okay let's go!" *has been watching the whole scene, pushes Wolf along* *Smiles acidly at Sally and walks after Wolf*
Sally- *giggles with friends*
Fin
Alright it's in my Multimedia on my profile.... so enjoy...
here's a link cause Profiles are like down ...
]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szQ3yZOpa0E&mode=related&search=
Black Doggie · Mon Sep 18, 2006 @ 06:25am · 0 Comments |
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The begining was meant for something else but I was like... Whateve' it'll do, the rest is the story of course of the mercenary... I'm afraid anyone who actually knows terms for like army and uhhh guns and stuff won't be to pleased with me *cough* Red*cough* Sorry but I can't keep up with that kind of thing >_<;; Anyway this is the tip of the ice berg for the story I'm afraid I wasn't able to work on it for a while because it got "deleted" by my b*****d older brother. Anyway here it is... enjoy... Oh and it needs editing what else is new.
Guess who edited the work for me?!?! SATAH! yes so she edited it so it's good n_n
She scanned the horizon critically. The dew made the land look far from fresh: it made it look drenched in bitter blood. The sun rose, first a murky indescribable colour that was as faded as the land, and then the sky, like the face of a person after a gruelling battle, slowly regained its flushed faint pink: the only thing that distinguished this person from the dead. The sky was, at last, alive.
A crooked smile stretched her lips. She could make out the tents below her, dark green and damp from the humid air. She was down wind of the camp— she could smell fire and dirty bodies. She smelt the sick and death that the air always carried these days in this land. The river bed she was crouched in had run dry weeks ago, when the Japanese had decided to try and weaken their enemy by dehydration. The Vietnamese had struggled over a couple weeks, trying to use a stream for all the thousands that camped in the valley a little over a mile from where she stood.
Her thin, pointed face held an impassive expression as she calculated how this operation was going to work. In her hand, she held a Colt 45. She cocked the well-oiled gun, habitually checking that it was ready for use. She was alone. She had wanted to scout the area and decide what she was going to do. Usually, she was given somewhat of a warning before a job, but they had arrived at her doorstep at three. She had roused herself and was ready and waiting before they could so much as knock on her door.
The copter was a transport helicopter with two M60s one on either side of it, giving off a rather evil glint in the suburban street lights. Lights had flicked on in houses when the helicopter had come near. Scarlet couldn’t help but be upset with the men who were piloting the helicopter. Of all the ways to blow her cover. Being disturbed at three in morning by business hadn’t been on the top of her list.
However, it had been on the list.
She had grabbed her black bag that held her life and opened the door in the face of a soldier about to ring the doorbell. Usually, she went to bed dressed for work so she only had to run out at the sound of the chopper’s approach. Being what she was, she had to be alert 24/7, and so she was a light sleeper.
The soldier at the door stopped, shocked for a moment at her sudden appearance. He quickly recovered and gave her a weary smile.
“Ah, Miss. Blind, good morning. I would like to offer you a job.” His English was accented and she could tell right away that we was Asian.
“Move. We can talk on the chopper.” Her voice was clipped and her order was immediately fulfilled. The man needn’t have wasted his breath on her. No-one who had even an ounce of intelligence would come to kill her after making an entrance like this. An assassin was the only way— perhaps a good con-artist. Being contacted and transported for business this way was hardly classy and subtle, let alone efficient. She would have to send word to have her home relocated... yet again this year, she would be moving. The chopper had already begun to rise when she threw her bag on and grabbed the hand offered to help pull herself aboard.
These choppers were made to transport US troops. She looked scathingly at the few people with her: all Asian and, from the conversations they were having, only the guy that had greeted her at her doorstep knew English. Scarlet looked down at her home she had lived in for the past two months. She had even gotten to know the neighbours. As the lights grew farther away as the chopper rose she looked to the man that had first greeted her. He had been watching her with interest and smiled when she looked at him. He opened his mouth to speak, she cut him off.
“You are never to contact and hire me in this manner ever! I will gun you down if you ever pull this little stunt again!” Her words were calm and to the point: the way she liked conversations to be. She hated how long people took to say simple things and how they dawdled about before getting to business. It was a waste of time. “Now, tell me what exactly it is that you wish to hire me for?”
The man was so shocked, he swore in his native tongue. Scarlet took this moment to listen to the conversations around her. They were quiet and toned low. Not Japanese or Cantonese. Perhaps Korean...
“Miss Blind, I’m from the Vietnamese government”
Black Doggie · Mon Jul 24, 2006 @ 06:05am · 0 Comments |
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:heart: Lots of gore coming soon |
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Coming soon...
Well lately I've been writing lots of war stories... a while back my brother was really into mercenary games... so I've decicded to start a short story about a mercenary, in the war aginst the japs and vietnam. Nothing personal about choosing these two countries and everything it's just... japs.... and vietnam...
edit: actually... making it japs and vietnam won't work I think I'm changing the country... won't matter much does less to do!
Black Doggie · Sun Jun 18, 2006 @ 03:27am · 0 Comments |
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I wrote some more poems... they shall be posted tres soon!
Black Doggie · Tue Apr 18, 2006 @ 07:14am · 4 Comments |
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