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Checked the bottle.

Not Narcotics.

The pills aren't ******** up.

I am.

Hoo boy.

Today was like that really bright frosting you get on kid's birthday cakes.


Good for the soul, bad for the body.

Just a little creepy.

Sweet enough to be too much.

And accompanied with the vague feeling that it will be regretted later

but absolutely wonderful for the moment.



Yay for rest days. ^^

Bikky put me in touch with my inner fangirl today. xD

After guard, we somehow got on the subject of her Jrocker obsession. She said I shouldn't roll my eyes at her, because surely there was some dancer or something out there that I reguarded in the same way.

At first I outright denied it. Then I started thinking a little.

First of all, there's Theresa Ruth Howard, who proved to me that a muscular girl with hips can be a dancer too, by god. She wrote this article, which totally changed my view of myself, and that I really want a certain someone named Pheebs to read.

And while I have enormous respect for her, I realized that I can condense about 90 percent of my fangirlism into one Cirque du Soleil performance. Last year when Taylor took BK and I to Delirium, I remember one specific performer who touched me so deeply that I cried for three days afterwards. He wasn't the main character and he never said a line, but something about his bearing radiated vulnerability and pure innocence so strong that I felt completely overwhelmed by it. And that was from 300 feet away, where I could hardly read his expression.

Although I'd been fascinated by Cirque before that, it was the birth of my addiction. Never before had I wanted so badly to talk to someone I'd never even met. That's how I learned what a powerful thing a performance could be; I'd never thought anything so brief could be so intense, could entirely engulfing. His effect on me was so strong that it became my goal to achieve a performance of that level. It's a goal I've been working towards ever since, and will keep working towards. I have no doubt it will take years, if I can ever achieve it.

So even though I didn't realize it, I'm a terrible fangirl too. If my dream didn't grow out of it, then it was tremendously fueled by it.

And I never found his name. The only time I found any reference to him, even on the official site, was about 2 seconds in this video (which is pretty cool anyway) about the show rehearsal.

EDIT: If you can't see the other video, this one is different but also kinda neat. I always thought it would be the best job. (The person who does the random flips at the end is my idol, by the way xD)

So yeah. I'm a dorky fangirl too.

Big day tomorrow.

If everything goes well, it won't be the biggest.

I'll try to get over my body type and just dance as well as I know how.

Hope the surprises won't be too numerous and too tough.


I've never been to an audition before, so what can I expect?

I'll do my best.

Besides, I'm a frikkin redhead. What can they possibly do to me? wink

Damn.

I haven't gotten up to dance in like... an hour.

It feels weird. ._.

EDIT:

I felt this journal was rather lackluster, and I didn't have the uumph to make a new one. So here.

Just excuse the weird coloring. It's the fault of the paint bucket tool, and only temporary. I'm hoping to make a t shirt.