You know you love me ^_~
Autumn Orchard
Community Member
|
Posted: Tue Sep 12, 2006 @ 12:54am
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
5 years..
Five years….
I was a sophomore in high school, first period. I was in my computer information systems class, surfing Neopets while pretending to work on my MOUS certification work. The kid sitting next to me had, by chance, gone onto cnn.com and saw the breaking news on the front page. He pointed it out to me, and I pulled off my headphones and shrugged.
“Aren’t the World Trade Centers in a no-fly zone?” I asked.
“Yea probably.” He responded. We figured it was some kind of malfunction with a plane, and thought nothing more of it. I moved on to second period, I was in a computer academic program and had my first three classes with the same people. Geometry was next. I remember going to the bathroom, and I thought it odd that all the classrooms I passed had their TVs on. At this point I was curious as to what was going on, and brought it to the attention of my Math teacher when I got back. He looked kind of irritated with me- as if I was trying to get out of the lesson or something. But maybe ten minutes later, our principal came on over the loudspeaker, telling all the teachers to turn on the TV. Less than a minute later, the second plane hit, and we all watched in shock, none of us really sure what to think. Every TV station, and radio station was the same thing. None of us really knew what to think, but we all knew something was really, really wrong.
I don’t think anything could have prepared us for what the next few days would bring.
|
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Autumn Orchard
Community Member
|
|
Posted: Wed Aug 30, 2006 @ 01:13pm
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
funny :/
Its funny how quickly things can just blow up in your face. You think everythings going just peachy, and then...boom. Its all gone. Just like that. Sunday afternoon at work, I was sick beyond all reason. Puking, dizzy, all that crap. I thought it would pass, so I didnt call and ask someone to come in for me. (I work in home healthcare, if you didnt know, and at this point I was already at work.) The old lady who I was working with asked me what was wrong, and I told her. She told me to go lay down on the daybed in the next room.
Apparently at some point an on duty RN stopped by and assumed I was asleep. Which is something I would NEVER do. I dont even feel comfortable sleeping at night when Im ALLOWED to.
I got a call the next day, pretty much telling me I was fired. It hit me like a ton of bricks. There goes my somewhat stable little world. The boat was already rocking when my mom said my parents would be splitting up, and now Im afraid I may have completely fallen out.
I didnt go home until after 10 monday night. Thank God Sami was willing to put up with me that long. On the way home that night, my mind finally began to wander.
Did God make some flaw in me? Am I not a whole person? If I am, why can I seem to do absolutely nothing right? failed school, failed work, failed relationships.....I began to think about running away somewhere, where I knew no one, and just start over.
I also began to wonder if it was even worth my being alive.
Dont freak out, Im not at that point. I know that if I did that, things would definitely never get better, but the thought did cross my mind. Sad, I havent been this bad in years.
And the funny thing is, I cant even cry. The tears just wont come any more. I thought they might after getting this all of my chest, but that knot in my chest is still there, refusing to loosen of give even in the slightest. I almost feel like a part of me is dead, like Im finally giving up, and theres nothing left to do except put on my smiling face, while my soul curls up into a little ball and dies in its prison, sad and alone.
**As a side not Id like to add that my manager refuses to speak to me about the job incident, and will not return my calls.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
