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	"Today I was dirty, wanted to be pretty." I am going to do whatever the ****** I want here. Wether it be ranting my heart out, putting up a short storie for work, poems, or just putting something stupid like lyrics to my favorite song. GET OVER IT! ****** losers....

	So.Stupid.
	So.Stupid.


Ugh!!! So I finally relized why people hate Lanzer so ******' much. He is so ****' busy updating Gaia and all that st with pretty stuff he doesn't pay attention to important stuff. Like the ****** inflmation of st on Gaia. Well you know what would solve this problem. DELETING BANNED ACCOUNTS ******!!!! I am dead serious. I have seen accounts. With the COOLEST st. In there siggy. "Blah blah blah this b*h did somethign wrong so we kicked there a out." Okay??????? Delet the ******' avvi and release the items out into the market at a price. **** don't just leave this avvi there to taunt me?! God damn and people wonder why st is up in the 1 million gold st. Ugh. And yet he refuses to re-release donation items? That also infuriates me. I mean. Yeah, they are special and a one time thing. But if you maybe just maybe deleted accounts that haven't been online in YEARS we would have more ****' items on the market. I mean st lanzer himself could sell the ******' items. He has his head up his a makign pretty boys and new mascots and not paying attention to what old timer Gaian's are wanting. Better st, Get rid of the n00b start items, and delet old unused accounts then we will have more ****' space!!! Ugh.... Kk I think my ranting is done for now. But it could return >.> Suicidal_doll** · Wed Aug 09, 2006 @ 08:31am · 1 Comments

	Amazing night.
	Amazing night.


Last night I got married on Gaia to the most amazing guy ever. heart heart Scott heart heart We are going to have tones of cyber babies. giggle heart I am sooooo happy now and it makes me think of when he can finally get here and we can live together and do dirty things everyday xd That is awsome. heart heart Scott is amazing and I love him more then anything in the world heart heart Suicidal_doll · Mon Aug 07, 2006 @ 01:26pm · 0 Comments

	Ugh....sickness....
	Ugh....sickness....


So things are going great. Me and Scott are able to talk more freeley about what are relationship needs and every other day I am getting out of the house and going with my aunt. The down side. I am ******' sick. With god knows what. My Grandma Jean is coming monday, I have a dentist apointment Monday and I feel like utter st! To top it all off I think my period may start soon. Yeah so emotionally I am doing great. But physically I am sucking a right now. Why does god hate me >.<!!!! I heart You Scott! At least your here to make me feel better damnit. Suicidal_doll** · Wed Aug 02, 2006 @ 09:14am · 1 Comments

	Today was ****' st!!**
	Today was ****' st!!**


Today was ******' HORRIABLE!!! Let me tell you why. Alright so first off my Mum wants me to "Baby-sit" at this thing she has in the trailer park where teenagers come to hang out, when I got to get the keys because we forgot them and are going to need them for lock up she pulls me into the kitchen and makes me feel stupid and like I cause the problems in her and my step-dads relationships by my Jewerly. What she doesn't understand is the reason I wear so much is it averts peoples eyes from all the scars that I have I don't feel like they are staring at scars they are more like staring at bracelets. So I call up Scott and am crying on the phone for about and hour spilling out a bunch of st that I haven't ever really shared with anyone and I don't even tell him fully the things because to tell you the blunt honest.....there ******' horriable. I upset Scott so bad with these things that he got sick. This all happened because my step-dad is massive dk and can't accept me for who I am so he feels the need to change me. And while my Mum is yelling at me she is saying st like I don't respect her and I don't do st for her I have done so much st!!! When we moved here I looked at the positives I was so mature about it my Mum was proud of me. I am ****' MISERABLE! here I have no friends I never leave the house I am constantly alone no matter what the **** I do. I have left this house TWICE TWICE!!!! All summer and the last time I left I came home depressed because I had a horriable time! But I don't say st to my Mum because I know she will pull the guilt card that we all make her life miserable. They aren't going to be together much longer. My Grandma ((From my Mom's side)) Is coming on the 7th and I know my step-dad is going to act like that is killing him the entire time and then right after she leaves his parents are coming for god knows how long and they didn't even PLAN THIS st OR CHECK IT OUT WITH MY ****' PARENTS AND I CAN'T ****' STAND MY GRANDPA BECAUSE HE IS SO TOUCHY FEELY AND Ugh......And then John ((Step-dad)) Tells them that if they plan to leave they should do it on a weekday because he has to drive overy by the airport for work during the weekdays. But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO they plan it at 5 **** 30 in the morning ON A GOD DAMN SATURDAY! THEY ARE SO ****' INCENSIDORATE! I can't even STAND!!! Them.... My eyes still sting from crying so much and my wrists are now naked because I took all the jewerly off. That made my Mum feel guilty because when we came home from that teen night thing you could tell I had been crying and I wouldn't talk to her really and I could just tell she felt bad. I hope she feels bad. Because I am tired of not being seen for the st I do. For being 16 I have done so much st for my family already and I am just tired of that st being shoved aside and then when my Mum and John get in a fight over something I wear or do I get a ******' guilt trip saying I don't appriciate st and I don't respect st.....I want out of here so bad right now and It isn't even funny. If I had a place to go I would go there and move there and never come back..... Thank god for Scott or else I would have probably hurt myself tonight...... I love you honey heart ..... Suicidal_doll** · Sat Jul 29, 2006 @ 07:58am · 1 Comments

	Problems
	Problems


Recently there has been a lot of problems in my life, I'm not even sure what they all will end up to be even a week from now. I love you Scott and I'm glad that you're always there for me, but sometimes I need a little more fun in my life, and if I'm attached to you it's hard to go out and do some of the thing that I've always wanted to do. Please remember that I love you Scott, but I really don't know how well this relationship can work out. I want to always be with you but we've never even touched before. Please just give me some time to think about a few things going on. I love you, and I don't want to lose you. Suicidal_doll · Thu Jul 27, 2006 @ 04:31pm · 8 Comments

	The Birthday Massacre Lyrics!
	The Birthday Massacre Lyrics!


Three Songs I really like from A band called the Birthday Massacre. The video I have this month is "Something to die for" Which the lyrics will be listed here. "Promise me" We don't know what time we'll be there But we won't show up till later It will all look so much nicer After all of us arrive Promise me to pass the time Dance with me on plastic tears Kiss me We won't feel alone Till morning when we disappear Though we all want to be noticed There's no need for competition Cause there's just no way of knowing Where the camera points tonight Promise me to pass the time Dance with me on plastic tears Kiss me We won't feel alone Till morning when we disappear We don't listen to each other Cause we're all too busy talking We'll tell lies about each other Cause the truth is such a bore With the threat of dawn approaching And our interest quickly fading We will stumble home together As we did the night before Promise me to pass the time Dance with me on plastic tears Kiss me. We won't feel alone Till morning when we disappear "Something to die for" Tighten your tie boy You’re something to die for But don’t hold your breath now You’re just killing time Tonight you can dream boy Imagine a whisper If you can keep secrets Then I’ll tell you mine. Remember a promise you couldn’t hold on to Though it brings me to tears now i need you to know Look in my eyes boy Nothing like yours now It seems that a lifetime Is passing us by. So open your eyes... This is forever but it won’t last long This is a memory that fades away in neverending In the death of all that’s long been said and done before, We’ll wish that we were something more. Stop wasting time boy You’re late all your life boy They won’t have the patience For someone like you Your memory’s fading I’ll love you forever I’ll try to remember I’ll try to hold on You’re standing alone boy Waiting for dreams boy Waiting for something To make them come true Don’t ever leave boy I’d miss you too much boy I’ll never forget you As long as I’m here "Lovers End" Hands cover whispers of the lovers fright fear. Clocked renditions of that autmn night digging up Rumours of the kids in the park. What awful things happened in that dark. Take just one last dare. Pretend you dont care till twilight falls. Wait theres something else here. And I cant stop my tears. I've never ben so scared. In the cellar burid 6 feet deep. The lover's shaken from a dreamless sleep. Nails slawing splinters from the ceiling and floor. Shrieking like the witches till his stitch are sore. Calling for the other searching. For her lover secrests she discovers. Drain her face of colour. 1...2...3...4... Underneath the cellar floor. 5...6...7...8...Lover will suffocate. Suicidal_doll · Tue Jul 25, 2006 @ 03:38am · 0 Comments

	Love love love love love.
	Love love love love love.


Okay it isn't that I dont love you fully I do....that is an excuse I have made up for something much more pressing on my mind. Things are rushing so fast and I am 16.....it is far to fast for me. I am not ready to sit down and have a family the moment things are possiable. There is still so much for me to see and experiance.....I love you as much as I have ever loved someone before and I don't want to lose you but.....I am far far far to younge to be engaged. As for me flying over the edge about Krystal that I am deeply sorry about you had nothing to do with that and I wasn't upset with you over it in the least. I was upset at her for coming into my life and bringing up the massive insecurities I have even though I know how much you love me baby.....it is just I have been hurt by ever guy that has cared for me like you do, or I have cared for them and I am just so scared of getting hurt again....in my mind everything is prettier and better and more loveable...........That just scared me to death that you wre going to leave me for a girl that you could physically touch......I keep putting you through hel and the reason is that your doing a lot of the same things you did last time we had this problem. Being extreamly clingy and telling me things that make me kinda uncomfortable....they stress me out because in my mind I am not great enough of a person to be the reason to live and wake up. st I sometimes don't even want to wake up and I sometimes don't even want to live....... I hope you read this soon baby and I can clarifiy on anything you need to. But I love you Scott and that thing about not loving you fully was a hurtful lie......I think I have told you I tell hurtful lies to push people away and I really need to stop that...... Suicidal_doll** · Sun Jul 23, 2006 @ 09:09pm · 0 Comments

	Horns.
	Horns.


This is just a log to let me know how much I owe on my Horns of the Demon that I am paying off weekly and how much I have already payed. I have payed 108K for the horns so far and the guy wants 250k for the horns. Meaning I have 148K left to pay him. @.@ Then I will be working on Fuzzy Penguin quest and chained wallet quest but this is top priority for the moment. Suicidal_doll · Thu Jul 20, 2006 @ 11:15pm · 0 Comments

	Fancy mancy!!
	Fancy mancy!!


My honey bunneh dressed up my Avvi all sexy. I just think it is his fondest dream to see me like that. I heart Scott!!! I hope my like my avvi baby ~.^ Suicidal_doll · Tue Jul 18, 2006 @ 07:37am · 1 Comments


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Mhm, I do want a lot of expensive items. Care to help me out with them? I will love you forever. Just married Pakuun on Gaia and I am lovin' it.

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