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Well, so much for me "thinking" my financial situation was about to pan out...OH, I also found out that I spent a lot more money then I had thought. The day after payday I bought Shadows of the damned and a 360 controller charger. $90. I look in my account...looks normal. I pay off 2 student loans, about $300. I look NOW compared to what it was after I deposited my check...-$600. WTF am I spending?! Why can't I save money? THEN THIS s**t HAPPENS?!?!?!?
I mean, sure, this was preventable. I should be able to keep my rage in check. Its just a videogame, but Goddammit it''s the only think I'm good at.
In highschool I had magic: the gathering but once I got into college EVERYTHING about that started to get competitive. EVERYONE had recreated a deck that won national tournaments and in a few years I gave that up because it wasn't fun and you had to pay big bucks to get the best cards...then Reach came along. I was never the best but I always thought I held my own. And then this happens...I'm not playing Reach for awhile...I need to get out of videogames in general. Start doing SOMETHING else.
I've been thinking of starting to try writing. Hell, maybe I might try making movies; its what I got my degree in a year ago and haven't done s**t with thanks to my location and student loans keeping me where I'm at...
It was a strange feeling, after my TV broke. I didn't rage, get up and break more stuff...I simply quit the game, got up, picked up the broken plate, threw it away, came back, turned off the XBOX, unplugged the TV and brought it in the spare bedroom. Then I started to write this...I don't want to go to therapy but how do you deal with having such a bad (in my mind) situation happen?
I mean, Jesus...before it was car repair (when I thought my financial situation was looking up) and my dad borrowing money every other month since then...he owes me a good $3,000. I hope he starts paying that back soon, too. I'm a miserly b*****d. Going through college I always had this plan that I would be saving up $10,000 in my savings, move to Austin, and do film after I graduated...what happens? My dad (weeks after buying a new truck, first one in 20 years) gets laid off my last semester, gets a new job in another city, now has a TRUCK payment, rent, utilities, and more insurance for me. His old job had great and cheap health coverage, now I pay him about $270 every other month or so for that and maybe every 3 months SINCE then he's borrowed about $500 because all the bills pile up and are due at the same time.
My bank account has done NOTHING but drop since I graduated college. Can't find an entry level job in my city; don't have the funds to move out of my parent's house and get my own place...and now I break my TV. There (LITERALLY) goes next week's paycheck. ALL of it. I get paid almost exactly $500, give or take, every 2 weeks. God, sometimes I don't care enough to do anything. Wouldn't mind if I ceased existing. I need something to happen, something new to do...Reach has been my life since September; never felt right until I played some. I'm a NOBLE, for Christ's sake.
So, please. Help. Anyone have any advice on what I can do to (hesitate to say this) turn my life around? Reach has obviously (to me) cost me many precious hours I could have been doing other things, like looking for another job in my field or shooting movies, finding my first girlfriend. CHRIST, everything had been wasted on Reach... sad
 Kaiser Khorosho · Sun Jul 17, 2011 @ 05:50pm · 0 Comments |
