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Why do you even bother?
You can be a real friend
if you can't even tell the truth
because you're too scared
of what people will feel
about how your friends
might see you
about how they might be hurt
even though
the right thing to do
is tell them the truth.

The asses
that sign offline
while you're having a fight
because they don't
want to deal
with the facts
they're the same as the cowards
but they insult you
then get offline
so you're left to stew
well ******** you
assholes
that don't deserve
to be called
anyone's friend.

Why can't
all these people
just stay the ********
out of my life?
One after another
and sometimes together
they just invade
the two timers
and the dogs
that keep their tails
between their legs
and those that
might as well
just stay at home
because no one could
stand their s**t,
they close in on me
and I can't take it anymore.

I'm tired of crying
and pulling at my hair
and feeling my heart
squeeze so tightly
inside my chest
that I can no longer
breathe
just because
they upset me so
and I can't stop
the shaking in my bones
the shivers that run
all over my skin
as I wish to hurt
something
someone
sometime
just to vent
with the words
that I can't speak
anymore.

Please just die.

I feel so far away
imagining something, someone else
with my hand in my pants,
breathing heavy.

You have dark little fantasies
hidden behind your eyes
but I can see them when they meet mine.

I can see it all
hidden behind your eyes
underneath every lie
here is where it hides.
Dark little fantasy
dreaming, breathing
it�s never enough

We�ve all got our dark little fantasies
that we never show
afraid of the way that people think.
I can see your teeth scraping your bottom lip
when you�re looking in my direction
inspiring my own dark little fantasy
imagining you between the sheets
metal biting into my wrists
teeth mark all over your neck.

I can see it all
hidden behind your eyes
underneath every lie
here is where it hides.
Dark little fantasy
dreaming, breathing
it�s never enough

It�s too hard to explain away
the scratch marks on your back
angry, red, raised
skin collecting under my fingernails.
We�ll never escape
these dark little fantasies
needing them as much as we need ourselves.

I can see it all
hidden behind your eyes
underneath every little lie
here is where it hides.
Dark little fantasy
dreaming, breathing
it�s never enough

Sweat, blood, and tears
falling, sliding
slick, wet, and hard
gliding
skin over skin
in this dark little fantasy.

I can see it all
hidden behind your eyes
underneath every little lie
here is where it hides.
Dark little fantasy
dreaming, breathing
it�s never enough

I look away
having seen it all in your eyes
wondering
as I sit here in my clothes
did you see your reflection in my eyes
or did you see
my own dark fantasy?

I can see it all
hidden behind your eyes
It�s never enough.
here is where it hides.
Dark little fantasy
dreaming, breathing
underneath every little lie

<center><img src="http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b168/potterpuffs/colourbar.gif">
<br>Potterpuffs are love</center>

This site is SO adorable! Well, it's an LJ actually, and it has the cutest little HP characters in 'Puff form. You should just, go there, and look at them, because they are SOO cute!

We're a whole new species,
forget the sheep,
we're black horses,
running wild and free.
Taming us,
taming me,
you'll never find the way
to put reins on me.
Bits will never work,
I'll bleed
before I'll submit
to your rule.
If you can find us
you'll not understand us,
to see it in our eyes
is an impossibility.
You know us
and yet you don't,
because
you'll never recognize
the fire within.
Forget the sheep,
we're the wild black horses,
free as the wind we seem to ride upon.
Feet pounding,
heart resounding,
the feelings in my chest
so tight I don't know if I can breathe
the air is so thick,
you'll not catch me,
you'll not find me,
recongnition will never dawn
on those who don't believe
it's an impossibility
for you to see
me.

Okay, because I don't want to drag anyone else into this, I'm going to rant about it here.

Yumie, I'd like to point out I'm not the only b***h in that conference tonight. Tsuki isn't out to get you, she's not trying to destroy your person, or who you are, or have a personal grudge against you. She disagreed with the way you played Michiru, and I agreed with her, but I don't necessarily agree with her rule. There, that's it.

Okay, Tsuki took me off the crew members for a bit because we had a fight. Yes, a fight, not a stupid spat. It was all over a misunderstanding because I was trying to show her why we did so much in OOC. I was trying to save your a**, thank you, and let myself get banned for it.

Tsuki is my ******** friend and the way some of the things got said made me feel like she was being attacked, my natural instinct was to stick up for her, and for how I really felt. I had a problem with you guys because it felt like you were talking behind her back and plotting against her. You keep saying you wanted all the fact but there weren't any facts, only opinions.

As for yelling at Pyro for being so polite, I'm sorry, I just feel like I'm a stranger when people speak to me that way, and I consider her to be pretty close as a friend, at least close enough that she wouldn't have to worry too much about offending me. I didn't realize she'd been stressed out and was just doing that to avoid making any mistakes. I'll apologize to her in the morning.

As for having to have the last word, well, maybe I do. I don't happen to be the only one though. How many people do you know that DON'T want the last word, seriously? Everyone has to have the last word. And you want to know WHY I have to have the last word? Because when a person speaks to you, generally the cogs in your head turn, and when those cogs turn, they send things through your brain that often needs to be voiced, or typed in this case. That's why I journal, period.

Why am I in a foul mood? No clue, other than the fact that I'm an insomniac and lucky to get six hours of sleep every night. Actually, in the last 48 hours, I've only had about five hours of sleep. This doesn't excuse my bitchy behavior, I still did it and did not need to, but I'm trying to give a bit of insight.

I've felt like crying all day, at the slightest of things, and have cried a bit earlier, a long with some stress from another guild. It's not like it was Pyro's or Yumie's fault, but I'll point out again I got defensive when I thought they were attacking Tsuki, even when they had stated they were not. Statements can be false, and though Yumie thinks I have this opinion because I don't have any trust in any of them, this is not true. I probably have more trust in them than some of the people I actually know. I also happen to know that being scorned a couple of times tends to rub a person the wrong way, and Yumie and Tsuki have certainly had their troubles.

Sorry, but even with trust in people, there is suspicion. I can't help it, I've certainly been rubbed the wrong way by people I thought of as friends.

On another note, I've feeling sorry I even bothered to apologize to Yumie because she ended up putting me in a worse mood. I feel bad for what I did, so I wanted to let them all know I really didn't mean to be that rude, since at the time it hadn't seemed so bad in my mind. Anger and all that clouds judgement, and it's hard to look at yourself and realize your faults.

I'm a stubborn, hotheaded, rude b***h at times, but who the hell isn't? I ******** remember a time when I got called a couple of rude things by a certain 'adult' just because she found out the truth about her girlfriend. I said some bad things too, but who was the one to apologize? The 'teenie bopper' thank you very much, the fifteen year old that's apparently much more forgiving than the eighteen year old she's managed to get into a billion fights with.

I don't hate Yumie, in fact, most of the time I like her a lot. She's fun, and smart, and has some great ideas, but at other times she's just cold, mean, and as immature as I can be. Yazu is more mature than either of us, and Tseng knows when it's best not to interfere. Pyro did the smart thing to avoid getting us all into a gigantic fight with each other, she left so she could get some more sleep.

I should have done that, I admit that too, and I don't blame my stupid actions on anyone but myself. Again, I state, I was a major b***h, I admit it, not much more I can say. I wasn't thinking anywhere near to clearly at the time, probably still am not but my head is a lot clearer now. But I can admit my mistakes and try to make them up to people, but it's the only way to learn. It's likely I'll never go into a discussion like that again, I'll be more open, and I'll be more willing to sit back and listen without making assumptions. Nothing I can do to change what's happened, so I'll live with the consequences, and b***h about them here.

See you.