By: Ramza the Fox
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, something happened. However, that has absolutly nothing to do with this story.
This story takes place in the nearby future of that one year. But I can't really remember that year. It was a good year. Space travel was now at a premium, and almost everyone owned a spacecraft. New planets had been discovered, as well as new life. But I'm getting ahead of myself, I think. Let's start this story somewhere around the start.
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It all started when war broke out among the Space Pirates and the Galactic Federation. THe Space Pirates were an alliance of all the Pirate crews wandering space. The Galactic Federation was the universal union of the colonized planets and space. This is the story about two Pirates, a Cat and a Hedgehog.
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Kei was busy repairing a conduit in the baths of the Pirate Starship Azgarde. The conduit controlled the hot water to the men and women's baths. He had just finished fixing the conduit, when a voice came over the intercom.
"Kei, come to the Storytime Room when you're done!" said the voice.
Kei looked up at the intercom and sighed heavily. It was his turn to tell a story in the Storytime Room. He was going to tell a scary story about an Elf boy with no help.
Kei dropped his wrench and began to head for the Storytime Room, when he ran straight into a young Cat boy. It was his best friend, Raditz the Cat. Raditz was a yellow Cat with very curly hair. He was wearing the standard uniform for a Pirate soldier. This consisted of a cyberplastic breastplate and red jumpsuit.
Raditz was knocked back quite a ways by their light impact. He was slammed into a bulkhead and fell to the ground. Raditz then ran at Kei and lightly bumped into him again, sending him flying through a window and jettisoning himself into outer space. However, he had an extra life, so he was ok.
"Hey! Big fat little lady!!!" yelled Raditz as he stood two inches from Kei's air.
Kei raised an eyebrow at Raditz' statement. "I'm not a... whatever you said. I've got to go to the Storytime Room." said Kei.
"But it blew up five years ago five years from now!" stated Raditz.
"Huh?" questioned Kei.
"We're in the middle of a battle, you know." stated Raditz.
"We are?" asked Kei.
Only then did he notice all the explosions and alarms. Kei then startd running down hallways that always seemed to lead to the same place, and actually did, but it was funny to watch, so no one told them that they were running in circles. They eventually got to the bridge, somehow. Kei ran up to the Captain of the Azgarde. He was a tall old man named Orlandu Blossom. He was wearing a spandex shirt that showed his musculature. He was also wearing brown jeans and boots.
"Captain Blossom, what's going on!?" aksed Kei.
Orlandu looked at Kei, then gave a low "hmph!". "We're being attacked by the galactic Federation for cutting in the line to get to Dante's Pizza. The fact that they caught on to us must mean that there's a spy in our midst!!!" yelled Orlandu.
"Yeah, because they couldn't have seen us do it or anything..." stated Kei.
Orlandu glared at Kei. "You're awefully quick to be pessimistic... Maybe you're the spy." said Orlandu.
"It's sarcasm, not pessimism." stated Kei.
"Alright then, who is the spy?" asked Orlandu.
At that moment, Raditz started jumping up and down, waving his arms in the air. "Ew, ew, me! Pick me!" yelled Raditz.
"You're the one who stole my cookies!!!?" yelled Orlandu. Orlandu then button mashed, jettisoning Raditz into outer space, but, luckily, he was sucked into a blackhole. "Takes care of that underwear thief!" stated Orlandu.
Suddenly, the Azgarde was rocked by another explosion, which caused a random underling that no one cared about to explode into rainbows.
"What hit us!? yelled Orlandu.
In response to this question, a green and black Echidna walked up to Orlandu and pointed up. This caused Orlandu to look up. There, could be seen a woman in chinese fighting cloths.
"I'm not a woman!!!" yelled the woman, "I'm a man!"
The woman was latched to the ceiling, like some kind of ninja, mainly because she was. She dropped down in front of Kei and faced Orlandu. After a moment, they charged at eachother. The woman drew a chinese lonsword and slashed at Orlandu, somehow missing horribly. Orlandu pulled a small box out of his pocket and then the battle hardened Captain quickly got down on one knee. He openned the box, revealing an engagement ring.
"Will you marry me!!!?" yelled Orlandu.
A hand reached out and grabbed the ring. "Yes!!!" yelled Raditz. Orlandu then punched Raditz in the face, jettisoning him into outer space. Raditz was then hit by lazers, sending him flying off screne, but he still had five stock left.
The woman seemed shocked and touched. "I don't know what to say!" stated the woman, befudled.
"How about your name?" asked Kei.
"It's Kazuki! Kazuki Miamoto! And I... wait... I'm a guy! You can't marry me!" yelled Kazuki.
"But you're so beautiful! You can't be a man!" said Orlandu, "You even have a girl's name!"
"I hade wierd parents..." stated Kazuki, "But I'll take that ring!"
Kazuki stole the engagement ring and vanished, laughing, in a puff of smoke. However, when the smoke cleared, she was still there.
"Where did she go!? I can't see her!" exclaimed Raditz.
Kazuki then ran out of the room and left the ship.
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Meanwhile, on the Galactic Federation ship, their Captain was just having fun telling people what to do. The Captain of the G.F.Dauntless was a blue Hedgehog with no pants. His name was Sonic. The only clothing he was wearing was a pair of gloves and shoes. "I love the sweet breeze here! It's far out!" said Sonic.
Suddenly, a man with short messy black hair walked up to Sonic. He was a mildly tall man with swirled red eyes. He was wearing a black leather t-shirt and a fishnet shirt under it. He was also wearing black pants and shoes. When he stopped walked, "Underworld" by: Nobuo Uematsu started playing in the background. His name was Isaac Sun.
"Where is that music coming from?" asked the man to no one in particular.
"Hey, Isaac! You're looking awesome today!" said Sonic, "Have you thought about my offer?"
"No, and I never will! I'm not going to be your gay lover! yelled Isaac.
Sonic had been pestering Isaac about Isaac being straight. Isaac calmed himself and sighed.
"I have received word from Kazuki. He failed to assassinate the Pirate Captain." said Isaac.
"That pretty little thing never was very good at getting the job done." said Sonic, "Tell the men that we're pulling out right now. Let's get this overgrown bucket of bolts out of here!"
"Yes, sir!" saluted Isaac.
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As the G.F.Dauntless started to pull away, Orlandu ordered the launch of the most powerful weapon that the Pirates had, the D.S. Stylus.
The D.S. Stylus flew at the retreating ship, but missed and hit a small planet instead. This caused the planet to turn into a Super Massive Blackhole that sucked everything into it. However, everyone used a one-up shroom to return to life, including the Super Massive Blackhole. This turned the Super Massive Blackhole into a Sandwich.
The Galactic Federation ship then made a haisty getaway, while the Pirates were distracted by the Sandwich. The Sandwich then hailed the Azgarde.
"Who are you and what did you do with my teeth?" asked Orlandu.
"I'm Mike Jones! I'm Mike Jones!" siad the Sandwich.
"Alright! We get it! You're Mike Jones!" yelled Kei.
"No! I'm a Mushroom!" yelled the Sandwich.
"Eh?" questioned the green and black Echidna.
Then, suddenly, a light appeared in the middle of the Azgarde's bridge, then a man in white robes, with long brown hair and a goatee walked into that light. The light then slowly faded away.
"It's Jesus!" exclaimed Raditz to the green and black Echidna's hand.
"Nay!" said the strange man, "I am Mark Skinner!!!"
"Aw..." sighed Raditz.
"What do you want?" asked Kei, "And don't say cookies."
"I have come from the Real World to tell you something of great importance!" proclaimed Mark.
"Great importance!?" asked Orlandu, "Hurry, tell us what it is!"
"Very well..." stated Mark, "I... am a MexiJew!"
Everyone was silent for a moment after that. Then Mark broke the silence.
"I am also supposed to tell you that you have unlocked the Sandwich Galaxy!" proclaimed Mark. After that, Mark imploded and dissapeared.
"Then off we go to Sandwich Galaxy!" cried Kei.
"No! We go to Dante's Pizza first!" yelled Raditz.
"Then it's decided! We'ew off to Dante's Pizza, then the Sandwich Galaxy!" commanded Orlandu.
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The Azgarde had soon landed at Dante's Pizza. Kei immediatly sat in the front of the resturaunt. He liked the view from the window here. Raditz quickly sat across from him.
"You really like this spot don't you?" questioned Raditz.
"Yeah! Just watch and you'll see why." said Kei.
Both Kei and Raditz looked out the window. For a while, nothing happened. However, soon, stars started exploding and it began to become dark.
"What's going on!?" cried Raditz.
"The end of the universe!" claimed Kei.
"But, then how are we still alive!?" asked Raditz.
"You got sucked into a blackhole and you're asking me how we're alive?" asked Kei.
Then a man with short straight silver hair walked up to them.
"So what do ya want?" asked the man. He wasn't wearing a shirt, but had a pendant around his neck. He was, however, wearing a pair of black pants, boots, and fingerless gloves. He had a piece of pizza hanging out of his mouth and seemed to enjoy just sucking on it.
"Still not wearing a shirt I see, eh, Dante?" stated Kei.
"He'd look stupid in a shirt though." siad Raditz.
After that comment, Dante shot Raditz in the back of his leg, jettisoning him into outer space. Luckily, he had been shot in the back of the leg, so he felt cool enough to survive.
"Are you gonna order or will I have to shoot you?" questioned Dante.
"I'll have the Devil Special." stated Kei.
"Gotcha!" exclaimed Dante. Dante then walked off to make the pizz. However, before he went to the back, he stopped and looked toward a stage in the middle of the back wall where bands would play, the music always being Rock of some kind. "King, start the show! We've got customers!"
After Dante yelled a bulbous man who could only be described as Elvis walked onto the stage. After a couple sound tests, Elvis began to sing "Blue Suede Shoes". A few cheers rose up from the crowd gathered inside of Dante's Pizza, but most of the assembled Pirates preffered other types of music than Classical Rock. However, no one booed Elvis.
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Many Pirates had gathered at Dante's Pizza. This was a natural occurance, seing as Dante's Pizza was secretly a hideout for Pirates and Outlaws. The Pirates and Outlaws had been working together for millinia. However, the Outlaws were more covert than the Pirates, usually working in one to five man groups. Very few of the Outlaws were even recognized as such by the Galactic Federation.
Kei looked around and immediatly noticed a meeting of the Captains. He couls easily recognize a few of them.
The first Captain he recognized was Miles "Tails" Prower, the youngest Captain known in history. He was a yellow Fox with two tails. He was wearing a lab coat and a black t-shirt and a pair of black pants. The second Captain was Sanic Smith, the most Emo Captain of them all. He was a purple Hedgehog with long spiky hair with an Emo fringe. He was wearing a shirt with the Chiodos logo on it and a fishnet shirt. He was also wearing trip pants and black tennis shoes. He had multiple earrings and lip rings. The third Captain was an Echidna named Gathoid Zane. He was a red Echidna with strange eyes. He was wearing a Vader shirt with a fishnet left sleeve. He was also wearing black pants with a red stripe and black Pirate shoes. The fourth Captain was Ramza Valentine, the most ruthless Captain known to the Galactic Federation. He was a black Fox with red highlights and red eyes. He had long straight black hair with an Emo fringe. He was wearing chainmail with belts wrapped around his waist. He was also waering belts all over his arms, black pants, a waist cape, and metal greaves. Another Captain was Orlandu Blossom.
Kei couldn't quite tell who the rest were, so he didn't think about it. Soon, Dante arrived with Kei's pizza. The Devil Special pizza consisted of Dragon's Blood as sauce, Catapelas Cheese, and pepperoni.
"Thanks, Dante!" said Kei. Kei looked at Dante and noticed that he was starring at the meeting Captains. "What's up Dante?" asked Kei.
"I'm wondering what their talking about." said Dante.
"Their talking about what characters are going to be in Super Smash Brothers: Mild Disagreement!" said Raditz.
"Oh, that makes sense! Maybe in your world." said Kei.
"Um, Kei... I think they really are talking about that..." stated Dante.
"Oh..." said Kei.
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The Pirates had finished their meeting and were now setting sail. Kei, Raditz, and the green and black Echidna were about to leave for the Azgarde, when Dante walked up to then. He was now wearing a red gunner's coat and had his sword, Rebellion, and his two pistols, Ebony and Ivory, in a holster on his back. He looked as if he was ready for war. He walked up to the small group of Pirates. The green and black Echidna then looked up and him and grinned, but said nothing. Dante backed away from him a little nervously.
"Hey! I'll be coming with you guys." stated Dante, "I want in on the fun."
"That's nice, but shouldn't you stay here in your resturaunt? Besides, you're an Outlaw, not a Pirate!" said Raditz.
At that moment, the green and black Echidna did a backflip, jettisoning Raditz into outer space, but, luckily, he got hit by a passing duck.
"The resturaunt can take care of itself, and my girls'll be here." stated Dante.
"Well, we're gald to have you!" claimed Kei.
The Pirates and their Outlaw friend then boarded the Azgarde, which soon launched for the Sandwich Galaxy, but little did they know that there was a stowaway.
"Thank you, thank you very much!" said Elvis.
[to be continued]
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