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pills......
I've been on so many pills that my quack of a dr doesn't just prescribe me something anymore he asks, " what do you think you should be on?" of course what I think I should be on eats holes in your brain and makes you grind your teeth and pet people and things and hold onto a balloon because you can feel the music through it.
in cause you haven't guessed. My drug of choice is E, or MDMA......I first did E about 4 or 5 years ago at a rave called Bliss. There were paper maiche mushrooms and someone proposed over the dj sound system and I felt freer than I'd ever felt before.
I studied up on drugs before I did them. I'm paranoid- a hypochondriac and I had to know that I wouldn't die the first time trying it and that I wouldn't become addicted.
I'm not. I've done it 4 or 5 times over the last 4 or 5 years since I tried it. I love hugging people and having everyone around you act nice and the like. I don't feel the need to do it every day, people who do are referred to as E tards as their IQ slowly decentigrades with their brains.
I know enough that if I'm taking E don't take anything else with it except plenty of vitamin C, which for some reason makes the trip (referred to as a roll) better. If you feel it is for you and you try it it will make you loose inhibitions, possibly grind your teeth, want to dance, want to talk, want to feel things with your hands. I've heard people say not to have sex on E but I tried once and didn't have the attention span.... I was like, "Lets go watch porn instead-ooooh that porn star's shirt is pretty, " and more jabbering on incessantly.
Enough about E. I see an APRN, usually once a month. I am on a mood stabilizer, a sleeping pill and an anxiety med. I'm certain the government is watching me. CERTAIN!!!!..... She is I guess what you'd call my psychiatrist. I have another dr I see who I talk to who is like a therepist and he constantly tells me I just have a thinking problem. That's not it. I'm chemically imbalanced. Started trying to off myself at the age of 15. Cried myself to sleep on a good night for years....havn't slept most of my adult life. I have a hard time holding onto a job. Dunno where I'm going from here. I just thought I'd share my legal drug history with you all.... I', going to include birthcontrol since it also affects my personality I guess....?
age 16, Wellbutrin cause I'm a cutter......It didn't work....instead of happy I got ANGRY. not just a little peaved, I was I'm going to punch your F***ing lights out ANGRY.
AGE 17, Effexor, Totally made me happy and totally made me lethargic. I could not move my arm to my face to itch my nose, that's how tired.
Age 19, Lunelle, Birthcontrol shot, had a bf that didn't like condoms. It made me clean alot, someone told me I was nesting cause my Body thought I was preg but wasn't. That drug was discontinued because it wasn't effective. worked fine for me. I've never had a baby. meh.
Age 21, Ortho trycycline. I never remembered to take it. I'm shocked I didn't get knocked up..... didn't really effect me at all cause I never remembered to take it...lol.
Age 21 or 22 they put me on Prozac......which really dosn't do much except make life seem fake.
THEN THE GREAT FORKING OF 22.....I tried to kill myself by stabbing myself in the wrist with a fork.....My mom took me to the ER and I spent a week in the psych ward of the LDS hospital. There I was put back on Prozac and to that they added Zonegran and Seroquil, the latter of which knocks me the f**k out.... for days....litterally. Zonegran wasn't bad....
Nick my horrible horrible EX said since he didn't feel that he needed pills he also didnt feel that I needed pills either. (NOW WE all know that the gov is watching us.....but they do a piss poor job of acting on the knowledge they have because leagally because of army crap, chemical imbalances, and sexual perversion he is sposed to be on prozac too, but no one ever makes him take it.) so I spent a few years not medicated at his disgression and no one elses. When He and I broke up I had a nervous break down and
AT 23, I started on Lithium, Xanex, and Hytrin, Lithium cause I'm bipolar, Xanex as needed (which is frequently needed) for anxiety disorder, and also the Hytrin to make what i did rational as I also have borderline personality disorder.
I started doing good by spring but then by fall of me being 24 I started to relapse hard and
24 we tried Lamectol(which I'm allergic to) ambien, and still xanex......
Currently I take Carbamazapin and Triazolam with my xanex.
oh I forgot somewhere in there I was on a birthcontrol ring which made me loose all sex drive so now I rely on condoms cause I like having the highest sex drive of anyone I know.
now to roll call off what disorders I have....
Bipolar
Anxiety
Borderline personality
hypochondria
anorexia
Bulemia
Inomnia
and I'm Obease.
It's terrible to be me but through the wonders of medication hopefully I too can live a full productive happy active life.
yes I'm aware the goverment knows all this...... but even if I hadn't posted this on gaia it will all be used against me someday for some reason.
 riot kitten · Fri Jan 25, 2008 @ 05:51pm · 0 Comments |
