Okay....well....it would appear I have another angry entry to add to my journal page. They should write a book about me, I swear. It will be called "Will She Ever" and it will be full of phrases that say things like "Will she EVER have a journal where she's not complaining?" or "Will she ever get off her a** and solve her problems?" It'd sell for MILLIONS and then I'd be ritch and die a lonely rich b*****d. >____>
So....to recap the last few weeks of my life, here it gooooes~
-Ignored
-Stressed
-Depressed
-Devistated
-Frustrated
-Enraged
-Hurt
-Grateful
-Unworthy
-Gleeful
So...yeah. It all started when my friend got a girlfriend. His girlfriend is also my friend, and I was happy for them. He finally found a girl that he could be happy with, and I was really happy for him. Who wouldn't? He was my best friend, and he had found something that made him happy. When he's happy, I'M happy. Why? Because we are best friends. Or, at least, that's what I thought....
My whole social life was practically going over to his house after school. We would play video games, find stupid stuff on the internet, and listen to music and stuff. It was, I must admit, one of the best parts of my life. He might not have known this, but the time I spent was him was practically the only thing that kept me sane. It gave me an excuse to let go, leave my own house (for once) and participate in the outside world. I'm not sure if he got sick of me or what....but this is how things turned up.
He doesn't even say hello to me in the hallways at school anymore. From best friend to nothing in less than a week. He stopped letting me over, stopped making attempts to see me in between classes, nothing. The only time we ever see each other is the beginning of school, lunch, and after school at our lockers. The only time we talk durring the two classes we have each other is when I innitiate the conversation, and even then it doesn't last long. It's like I'm an afterthought or something.
I should be happy for him. He has a great girlfriend now, and that's awesome. Now I'm just angry. Angry at him, angry at her. I don't even care if they read this or not. They're constantly making out with each other. Sure, they're a couple. I understand that. But when your best friend turns around to make out with his girlfriend when you're talking to his face, it's taking things a bit far. ********, everytime I see him, they are together. If they aren't glued together at the lips, they're clinging to each other, and vice versa. I just....I don't know. Everytime I look at them, I want to throw something at them. I get so angry. I shouldn't. But I do. Does that make me a horrible person? I guess so. I don't want them to break up. That would just be mean. But...I want things to go back to how they were. I want my best friend back. Does that make me a jealous friend? I don't think so. Is it too much to ask for to just have him notice I exist again? If so, let me know.
Other than this, guess what? I'M AN IDIOT! I'm failing two courses in school because I am a complete s**t for brains. I'm lazy, I procrastinated, and now it's landed me in s**t. If I don't pass these two courses...I might not have enough credits to pass with my friends. I need to graduate highschool. I don't care if it's with lousy marks (though I'd prefer higher ones...) but I NEED to pass. I can't dissapoint my family like that. If I graduate, I'd be the first female on my mother's side to graduate in at least 4-5 GENERATIONS. Pressure much? My mom and dad say I'm the most intelligent person they know, but I know that is bullshit. I'm imaginative, and I'm creative. That's it. I can't do math, I suck at remembering formulas, I can't put names to faces in history, and I can barely play a minor scale in band. I'm completely useless except in English. I can write, and that's ALL I have going for me. Maybe I'll become a writer, maybe I wont. Maybe I'll end up living on the streets. I don't know. Whatever...
The ONE course I excel at, and it ******** me over. Durring the written portion of my English Final, some ******** punk-a** grade nine kid pulled the ******** FIRE ALARM. During a FINAL EXAM! What the ******** was he thinking?! I'm gunna find him, hang him by his intestines, and set him on ******** FIRE! We all had to leave the building, and take a nice pointless stroll through the college right next to our school. When we got back to do the test, NO ONE finished. I lost my train of thought, and I did poorly on it. ******** kid....
The next day, TODAY, the exam screwed me over AGAIN. We were logging onto computers to type up the final assignment of the exam. We all are given a special account to log into that only has microsoft word. That's great. Whoopdiedoo. The thing is, no one can log on. Crap. We eventually fix that problem. Yay. However, bad news. I and another student STILL can't log on. ********. Why is always me?! Anyway, my english teacher is also angry, because it's just one thing after the other. 20 ******** minutes into the exam, and we FINALLY can log in. 20 minutes behind everyone else, I'm positively FUMING. I can't think straight, and it shows. I only typed two and a ******** half pages. But wait! Joy! There's MORE! When I go to print, GUESS WHAT? Error. A big ******** error pops up that basically says "******** you. Log out. NOW." It closes word, and logs me out. It was a good thing I saved right before hand. Otherwise someone would have died right there and then, I was that frustrated. After fixing the problem (I had to print to a different location...) I finally hand it in. It's finally over. I can breathe a sigh of relief. Wait. No I can't. Once I've handed in the exam, someone informs me that we need to have a word count at the top. Uh, wut? I'm sorry, I wasn't in the same computer lab as everyone else because the system was being ******** RETARDED. I'm just about ready to freak out, and my English teacher is trying to calm me down. She tells me it doesn't matter about the word count for me because I didn't know. AMAZING. One thing went RIGHT today!
Then, right after school, my dad calls and says "PASSPORT PHOTOS. NOW." I don't even get a chance to brush my hair or anything. Joy. I look like a tard in my passport photo. >___>
So yeah. I'm failing Biology, and the Final Exam is in...oh... 11 hours. I'm studying, unprepared, frustrated out of my MIND, and bound to fail. I need a 60 on this exam to pass the year....right. Like that'll happen. I need to study, so I need to finish this up.
...
Oh look, HE'S logged on MSN. And...go figure....he says not a word to me. I'm off to study, and then maybe, JUST maybe, this retarded body of mine will allow me to sleep.
So....to recap the last few weeks of my life, here it gooooes~
-Ignored
-Stressed
-Depressed
-Devistated
-Frustrated
-Enraged
-Hurt
-Grateful
-Unworthy
-Gleeful
So...yeah. It all started when my friend got a girlfriend. His girlfriend is also my friend, and I was happy for them. He finally found a girl that he could be happy with, and I was really happy for him. Who wouldn't? He was my best friend, and he had found something that made him happy. When he's happy, I'M happy. Why? Because we are best friends. Or, at least, that's what I thought....
My whole social life was practically going over to his house after school. We would play video games, find stupid stuff on the internet, and listen to music and stuff. It was, I must admit, one of the best parts of my life. He might not have known this, but the time I spent was him was practically the only thing that kept me sane. It gave me an excuse to let go, leave my own house (for once) and participate in the outside world. I'm not sure if he got sick of me or what....but this is how things turned up.
He doesn't even say hello to me in the hallways at school anymore. From best friend to nothing in less than a week. He stopped letting me over, stopped making attempts to see me in between classes, nothing. The only time we ever see each other is the beginning of school, lunch, and after school at our lockers. The only time we talk durring the two classes we have each other is when I innitiate the conversation, and even then it doesn't last long. It's like I'm an afterthought or something.
I should be happy for him. He has a great girlfriend now, and that's awesome. Now I'm just angry. Angry at him, angry at her. I don't even care if they read this or not. They're constantly making out with each other. Sure, they're a couple. I understand that. But when your best friend turns around to make out with his girlfriend when you're talking to his face, it's taking things a bit far. ********, everytime I see him, they are together. If they aren't glued together at the lips, they're clinging to each other, and vice versa. I just....I don't know. Everytime I look at them, I want to throw something at them. I get so angry. I shouldn't. But I do. Does that make me a horrible person? I guess so. I don't want them to break up. That would just be mean. But...I want things to go back to how they were. I want my best friend back. Does that make me a jealous friend? I don't think so. Is it too much to ask for to just have him notice I exist again? If so, let me know.
Other than this, guess what? I'M AN IDIOT! I'm failing two courses in school because I am a complete s**t for brains. I'm lazy, I procrastinated, and now it's landed me in s**t. If I don't pass these two courses...I might not have enough credits to pass with my friends. I need to graduate highschool. I don't care if it's with lousy marks (though I'd prefer higher ones...) but I NEED to pass. I can't dissapoint my family like that. If I graduate, I'd be the first female on my mother's side to graduate in at least 4-5 GENERATIONS. Pressure much? My mom and dad say I'm the most intelligent person they know, but I know that is bullshit. I'm imaginative, and I'm creative. That's it. I can't do math, I suck at remembering formulas, I can't put names to faces in history, and I can barely play a minor scale in band. I'm completely useless except in English. I can write, and that's ALL I have going for me. Maybe I'll become a writer, maybe I wont. Maybe I'll end up living on the streets. I don't know. Whatever...
The ONE course I excel at, and it ******** me over. Durring the written portion of my English Final, some ******** punk-a** grade nine kid pulled the ******** FIRE ALARM. During a FINAL EXAM! What the ******** was he thinking?! I'm gunna find him, hang him by his intestines, and set him on ******** FIRE! We all had to leave the building, and take a nice pointless stroll through the college right next to our school. When we got back to do the test, NO ONE finished. I lost my train of thought, and I did poorly on it. ******** kid....
The next day, TODAY, the exam screwed me over AGAIN. We were logging onto computers to type up the final assignment of the exam. We all are given a special account to log into that only has microsoft word. That's great. Whoopdiedoo. The thing is, no one can log on. Crap. We eventually fix that problem. Yay. However, bad news. I and another student STILL can't log on. ********. Why is always me?! Anyway, my english teacher is also angry, because it's just one thing after the other. 20 ******** minutes into the exam, and we FINALLY can log in. 20 minutes behind everyone else, I'm positively FUMING. I can't think straight, and it shows. I only typed two and a ******** half pages. But wait! Joy! There's MORE! When I go to print, GUESS WHAT? Error. A big ******** error pops up that basically says "******** you. Log out. NOW." It closes word, and logs me out. It was a good thing I saved right before hand. Otherwise someone would have died right there and then, I was that frustrated. After fixing the problem (I had to print to a different location...) I finally hand it in. It's finally over. I can breathe a sigh of relief. Wait. No I can't. Once I've handed in the exam, someone informs me that we need to have a word count at the top. Uh, wut? I'm sorry, I wasn't in the same computer lab as everyone else because the system was being ******** RETARDED. I'm just about ready to freak out, and my English teacher is trying to calm me down. She tells me it doesn't matter about the word count for me because I didn't know. AMAZING. One thing went RIGHT today!
Then, right after school, my dad calls and says "PASSPORT PHOTOS. NOW." I don't even get a chance to brush my hair or anything. Joy. I look like a tard in my passport photo. >___>
So yeah. I'm failing Biology, and the Final Exam is in...oh... 11 hours. I'm studying, unprepared, frustrated out of my MIND, and bound to fail. I need a 60 on this exam to pass the year....right. Like that'll happen. I need to study, so I need to finish this up.
...
Oh look, HE'S logged on MSN. And...go figure....he says not a word to me. I'm off to study, and then maybe, JUST maybe, this retarded body of mine will allow me to sleep.