Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

So...

I decided to scroll around and explore Gaia some more today. I discovered how to view the journals of other Gaia members. As i was scrolling, I ended up reading someones journal that was just so truthful and it reminded myself about a lot of bullshit i heard from past experiences. I was shocked, I was broken, and I was even pissed off. It brought me into a rage. I did not exactly know where all the anger came from, but I did know where most of it was from.

Most of it came from built up emotions that I had from ONE past experience with someone that I now no longer associate with it. (yes, it was that bad) They toyed with me and manipulated me for almost an entire year. I was head over heals for a girl that I thought was some sort of made up fictional character that was derived form my every want in this world. She was perfect in my eyes for so long. To make this entry short, We dated for A LONG TIME, and she even got to the point where I was even feeling love for her. I WAS in love with her. She had even told me that She loved me back. I actually felt her love for me.

Finally, we broke up. I didn't want to. I did not force her to stay with me. I didn't force her to do anything. I let her decide. She had two decisions. Decision one was to stay with me and decision two was to leave me for another. She picked decision two. She did not know the other person, and only left me to get to know the person. That decision she made tore me into a wreck for almost 4 months straight. I could not even talk to her anymore. I had to move on and leave what we had together behind, and so i did. I broke everything we had and just threw it away. It was better for me.

I stopped dating everyone. I promised myself that I would never love another soul. I told myself that I would never be hurt again. I locked myself away so that nobody else could do something like that to me again.

...that was stupid, and I have recently realized it.

I am completly over that other girl and now I am able to move on. I am now able to risk love again. I am afraid I will be hurt again, but I don't worry. If it happens, I will be okay. I am in a relationship right now with a wonderful girl. She is the best person I have ever been with so far. I can not think of anyone that could be better. I KNOW nobody else is better. She may not believe that, but I TRULY mean it. I am totally in love with her, and I hope the relationship goes further. I just want her to know that I am willing to put EVERYTHING on the line, for her. For both of us. If you are curious about who she is, her name starts with a K. I don't want to say her real name on here, but her Gaia charactor is next to mine on my profile.

I am not always the most open person about emotions and feelings, at least people think that. If anyone wonders what I fell or think, they could ask me. I'm not shy to say anything. If anyone wants to know how I feel or think about them, just ask! It doesn't matter. You deserve the truth. You could go ahead and just tell me how you feel or think about me. It could be bad or good. I'm not going to be mad or think differently about you. Everyone is free to express them self.

I also am going to see if I can be friends with that other girl after everything she did to me. I don't think I should be an a** any longer to her, even if she does or does not deserve it.