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Well, my friends and I wanted to be track managers, because we had no athletic ability and wanted to still be on a team. So we go to tryouts, all ready to help manage, then the b***h that calls herself head of athletics department says we have to try out. As in literally, get down in the dirt (not really) and run, throw, stretch, etc. Well, Rh and I didn't have our clothes, so we sat out while R ran, poor baby. But then we participated later, and then on the next days we were ready.

I had so much fun trying out! I got to talk to all my friends, and I met some new ones. It was like heaven, really. And then... heart I fell in love...

There's this guy, I'll say his name cause no one's going to know who I'm talking about (Besides N- don't tell anyone, Shadowhuntr!). Shane... heart _ heart He's just soooo wonderful! I've known him for about three years now, and during all my three years in middle school I've had a crush on him, only to be shot down with little trouble. Now, though, I think that this is serious. It was really fast too. I talked to him for two days and then couldn't get him out of my mind.

Am I a hypocrite? I tell my friends that life at this age only seems to be about boys. And here I am, head over heels in love. Gosh...

But back to topic.

Today we found out who made the track team. So there are four of us that wanted to be managers, me, R, Rh, and Cary ( xd ) I see the list, and guess what? R was the only one who made it, but she didn't get manager. eek She got a position in the team. Thats a shocker!

Now I'm pretending to be mad at her, but really I don't care. I mean, Shane didn't make it, what did I have to look forward to? Nothing. Poor Shane. He was the star of the distance runners, he's always been. But he had bad grades in English, so he couldn't be on the team.

But I heard a rumor that he might get on if he gets someone to write a letter, something like that.

Oh well. I could tutor him 4laugh I'm going around tomorrow to tell students about the tutoring thing M, R and I (as in me) are doing. Then I'd be able to spend so much time with him... *sigh*

Its really scary, though. I've asked people if they know him, and they either 1) Don't, or 2) Know him and don't like him. They all think he's really annoying. But I don't see that. He's just so nice and funny and so... wonderful. I asked B what she thought and she was like, "Well, you should look at him without a 'lover's' eye for once and see if he's really as wondeful as he seems.' So... I see him tomorrow, I sit right next to him, I'll judge then.

But I think love is about being able to see the good in someone that is shrouded in bad. So does it matter what the others think?

Its funny, I have a real diary, but I choose not to write in it sweatdrop ....

Today I shadowed at the Governer's school. Oh my goodness. It was long, kinda started off on the wrong foot, but it ended up being pretty cool.

First of all, I had to wake up an hour earlier than I usually do, just so that I could catch the bus that would ship me to the Governer's school. So I'm out there, at 7:15 in the morning, cold, but enduring. Along comes 7:30. I just walked back to the car and was like, "Dad, give me a ride." My bus never came. Dad drove me to the place were I was supposed to catch a shuttle, but, despite my persistant urging, he wouldn't just leave and take me to MLW anyways. Finally he did, though, and I was the first one to get there.

This is were things get interesting. I walked in the building and was about to go to the auditorum when this lady that I recognized from yeeears ago stopped me and we had this conversation, she introduced me to a bunch of other peoples, and then, the principal walked by. He saw my sweatshirt and was like, "Hmm, Brookland. You must be Ashley."

eek The principal knew my name! I was sooooo freaked out but happy at the same time. I mean, everyone was really nice, and that was the warmest welcome I had ever received. mrgreen

So I go into the auditorum and kinda mingle with the students that arrived after me (I was the first one), and then more people started to show, and then, my friend K arrives. I used to be best friends with K, until she got strange, and then, well, you know. But we had a nice talk, and I think she was kinda scared at my hyperness (due to coffee). But it was cool nonetheless.

I think I have a bladder problem- I can't sit still for long without feeling the urge to use the restroom. So I'd been sitting here for more than an hour, and I guess the combonation of orange juice and coffee didn't work, for I started to feel the urge to pee. I dismissed it, thinking that I would have time soon. Then the people started to talk. And took forever. I started to shake, and I was actually worried that I would accidently let loose! eek sweatdrop I mean, I was squirming, and I didn't want to seem disrespectful by interrupting the speeches and just leaving. So I held it. Until finally, WE WERE DISMISSED!!!!! YAAAAY! We separated into our groups and left for our first class- Global History.

There, I had to sit down. But I knew better, I asked the guild to show me a bathroom. Relief. Then I endured a boring class, didn't know anyone in my group, so passes first rotation

God, this is going to be long...

Second rotation. Um. Yah, I can't really remember much sweatdrop . But I remember I did start to talk with my group more, maybe we were all just waking up. I realized the smallest boy in our group acted like a little know it all brat that got on my nerves constantly stressed , Bain and Auri were the reclusive IB kids that I just talked to sometimes in effort to strike conversation (didn't get much out of it), sister girl was really shy and just went along with everything, and then there was Brent. He was cool smile . We were able to joke around, and already, I have a feeling we've become really good friends. Like, we started to hang out in Chemistry and joked around, then I guess we just clicked. 3nodding

Then the best part of the day came: Lunch!

1)The food. God, the food. Some of the best food I've ever tasted in a school (actually, the pizza tasted kinda funky), but for mad prices! But I guess it can be explained, we had large portions.

2)We got to (semi)wander the school. I mean, there is no structure, eat anywhere, anytime, any... who? sweatdrop

3)Well, the shadows didn't really get to wander, there were some scheduled events we could visit. So Brent and I got our lunches and stuff and we traveled to this other room and then we sat on the floor in front of six chairs and waited. Then came the fun. We were treated to improv comedy over lunch. And boy, that was some funny stuff. It would take up more space if I tried to explain it, but wow. Wow.

So lunch ended, then uh.... yeah. We finished up the rest of our classes with little worries. Brent and I joked at everything, Charles was a brat, sister girl had no backbone, and so on.

I guess the problems came at the end of the day (and the beginning, but we're past that). I had to catch a bus to one school that would then take me to my neighborhood were I'd walk. But then, my active bladder problems got me and I slipped into the bathroom while the crowd of shadows was still moving. When I got out two minutes later, everyone was gone eek . I thought I had missed the bus! So I went out and was in search of my bus, found it, thank goodness, climb on the bus and see only four other people. I was like, huh, I wonder where everyone else it. Then I sit, and the girl was like, "Wow, we have extra people today." eek Only two people rode that bus normally, it was five today. Wow.

I had some pleasant conversations as I mingled. Then we got off at me home school, and thats were I got this major migrane in me head. I hate my home high school.. But, long story short, I got home late off of an annoying bus and then had to turn around, go back to my middle school and help coach the cheering tryouts.

About cheering. (God, this is long)

There are about 20-40 girls trying out. The majority of them are fifth graders. The majority of the girls trying out suck so badly, it made me, the coaches, and the other girls groan. The girls had been working on a cheer, chant, and a dance for two days and still couldn't get it, and the eigth graders got most of it in one day. Its not just talent, no, these things were simple. They just sucked.

I was talking to one of my captains and I was like, "Oh my goodness, these people suck," and she was like, "Yes, I know, I'm glad I'm not going to be here next year." Its just craziness. Craziness. Our squad used to be so good! Now its ruined.

And....... I'm done. whee sweatdrop Longest thing ever. But it was worth it.

So much has happened, its CrAzY! The most important thing, however, are the acceptance letters that got mailed to us yesterday about highschools. I applied to one of the top highschools in the state, and to the center at my home highschool. And, fates be praised, I GOT INTO BOTH!!!!

I already know which one I'm going to go to. Governer's school, get ready for me! Woot! Its interesting, too, cause my middle school has never sent a student to the Governer's school before. I'll be (one of) the first! I hope others make it too. My best friend, R, made the waiting list. Number 50. Out of 55. sad So she's probably not going to make it in. I'm going to miss her if she doesn't come with me. But I'm not going to let that get me down, I seriously want to go to this school.

But I've been awfully passive about it. I was hyper for about five minutes after I opened the letter, one hour later, I was acting like it was just any other day, my new, stoic self. Scary. I mean, I'm happy, I just can't act it. Strange.

But on other maters...

My ex boyfriend goes out with this little slut of a whore now. I don't mind saying her name outloud, she's a slut anyways, I'm sure she wants guys to know her name so she can go sleep with them. Denise and I met last year at a "marathon" of sorts I was doing with me mum. I had just walked five miles nonstop, and I saw her fat and lazy a** working a booth. I went up to her with a smile and said nicely, "Hi Denise."

That's where things got ugly. She had nerve to sneer at me. She didn't even respond, but got this attitude with me. I was like, "Oh, well f*ck you too." And from then on, I've hated her. Now that she goes with my ex, those feelings have progresse. I'm not really jealous of her going out with M, but I'm just confused that he would want to go with that slut... ugh.

Anyways, M constantly talks about doing stuff with Denise. He was going to stay after school for a few hours with her, doing... stuff. Everytime he says something like that, I get all bitter and stuff. He doesn't know I hate Denise's saggy a**. But I think he likes to lead me on. Like he'd be "stretching" and wrap his arm around me, he'll play with my hair, he'll rest his chin on my shoulder... I just push him away now, I'm not even going to respond to him.

But everytime I go to the bathroom, I see the writing on the bathroom stalls, and I get this urge to so ruin Denise's life. I seriously want to write, "Denise cheats on M with so and so," and then start a rumor going around and ruin their relationship. And then, when I was talking to R and B, I was like, "Hey B, let me use your cellphone." And she was like, "Oh! We can make M and Denise break up." Then she was mimicing calling Denise and was like, "Hi, is this Denise? Do you go out with M? Cause... so do I."

I really wanted her to do it, but B was like, "I'm not going to mess up a relationship." So we didn't, but I really WANTED her to. So, if Denise happens to be reading this, this is all I want to say..... F*ck you and your saggy a**, slut, and go f*ck with a pig, I'm sure it'll like it, since you look like one. stare

But anyways... xp whee xd

You know, at this age in life, a child starts to notice the opposite sex more often than not. First real crushes, first boyfriends/girlfriends, etc, etc. So forgive me if all I ramble about is boys, I'm going through my "stage."

I'm thinking about asking my ex boyfriend out, but in a way, I'm really fickle, especially with my best friends' crushes. R has a crush on this cute boy in seventh grade, and I'd admit openingly that he is hot. But the trouble really is with my other best friend, B. Her boyfriend... I'm insanely jealous. I've liked him for ever, and yet all he ever looks at is B. It was her first real boyfriend, I can't take him, especially now that they might go back together again. But every time I go somewhere with B and S, I get so jealous, I find myself looking at S so much, I mean, I think I really do like him. But B told me that she doesn't even consider any other guys anymore, it's always been S. I can't steal him. What to do? I'm so confused... this sucks on crap. I just want to get through school with a minimum of social problems like this, and I don't want to hurt the already frail bond between B and I.

Today was okay, stressful, but okay... until I got home from school.

My dad was picking me up since I had a sports banquet. On the way back, he jumps down my throat about how I misplaced the fundraiser money for cheerleading. I finally tell him how I feel, and then I just break down and start crying. So we get home, Dad goes inside, and I stay in the car and cry my eyes out. Then, ten minutes later, he comes back outside and says, "Akina, get inside, I'm not asking you to."

stare I'm here crying like the world is going to end in five minutes, and he has nerve... so I go inside after much persuading, stomp right past my mom, who only looks at me, go upstairs to the bathroom, close the door, and start pacing in the dark, ripping towels off their hangers and crying.

Minutes pass. Does anyone come and comfort me? Noooooo.... I call B and am crying on the phone while she tries futily to cheer me up. I stop sobbing uncontrollably and end up spilling little bits of paper and paper clips on the floor, and scribble all over my mom's work.

Didn't feel sorry either.

But I cleaned up the paper clips and stuff anyway, couldn't do anything about her work, oh well. She deserves it, anyways. Both of them deserve to die in their sleep. Dad was the one that made me cry, but I'm taking it out on Mom because well, I'm a girl. The closest feminine rolemodel to me is supposed to be my mom. But instead of feeling proud whenever I go out with her, I feel the exact opposite. She's cool and all, but behind that false front is an ignorant, arrogant, conceited, spiteful, and just disgusting woman that I have come to hate over the years.

I seriously can't remember a single time she actually comforted me while I was crying. I can remember her yelling at me to stop crying last year, making me only cry harder, but I don't think that counts.

I think I've cracked, though. After I did all that stuff to Mom's room, I was all happy and humming, plotting evil things. Like spilling bathsalts all over my parent's bathroom floor... but that would be a bit harsh, no? I didn't do half of the stuff I wanted to. But I did tell Mom off a bit. smile It felt good, to.