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A Series of Strange Events (That Led to My Complicated Life)
Not too long ago, I was talking with a friend about my life, and we came to the conclusion that somehow, my life has become strangely complicated. Let me start from the beginning...
For a long time, I was the quiet kid in the class who didn't talk with the other kids that much, if at all. At first, it was because I was really shy, and then later on, it become a mix of shyness and a distaste towards my classmates. My first three years of school were, I guess, pretty typical, and should have led to me being relatively normal, however, after 2nd grade, I began to switch schools almost every two years. From kindergarten to 2nd grade, I was in my first school, but then I switched to a private school, which only last until the 4th. I finished elementary school in one school, then spent half of middle school in the middle school that my original elementary school usually led to. My second half of middle school was spent in a charter school. I spent 9th grade and part of 10th grade in a pretty cool highschool, but then I switched again, to the school I'm in now. Assuming I finish senior year here, I've been to 7 schools in roughly 12 years (I'm in eleventh grade).
So, not only was I shy, but because by the fifth grade most people already have their groups of friends, I was forced into the outside position. I didn't spend long enough time in one school to make any long lasting relationships, and out of three, only survive, but they only really subsist of saying hi in the hallways and the occasional short-lived conversation. I do have friends, but most of them, I haven't known for very long. One, whom I go to school with, I've known for longer (we met through me cousin), but that's one... and I'm not sure how much a friend I should consider her.
The constant switching of schools also caused me to feel unwanted, which was justified a few times, due to people usually not wanting to make new friends, and instead, staying with their old friends. It still happens today, when in class, a few people I might consider friends start talking, and I don't really chip in, because I keep thinking they'll reject me and say, "who asked you?" Once again, this has happened a few times.
All of this led to what I am today; a shy, paranoid boy who's not sure who considers him a friend, in addition to not being sure of what a friend is. That would be enough, but I'm pretty sure that all of this is also the cause of a need inside of me to say I love someone pretty quickly. It might just be because of hormones, but I doubt it.
This, however, isn't why I say my life is a bit complicated. Some time ago, in October I believe, I started talking to a person (well, more like he'd comment on my profile, and I'd reply), and pretty quickly, we became pretty good friends. After a while, I felt as if I was falling in love. At first, I didn't want to, because it had happened before and ended really badly, but then, I felt so happy with him, that I didn't want to give it up. Well, one day, we were chatting, and he revealed to me that he, was in actuality, a she (something I had suspected long before). She then gave me her phone number, asking me to call her the next day. I thought it about the entire day, and after I called her, we talked for more than an hour. Then, I knew it, I loved this girl, and she loved me. Yes, the fact that she lived in the country above me worried me (before I continue, I'll have to mention that the boy I "fell in love" with before this girl also lived in Canada. I've chalked it up to nothing but a mere coincidence, but if you want to make up your own theories, go ahead), but I was delusional enough to believe we could survive long enough to be together one day. Now, more than half a year later, it's a little different.
Since we started talking, I've found out a few things about the girl I love. First off, I'm not her first, nor her only one. Before we met, she already had a girlfriend, whom she is still with. Recently, she also met another boy where she lives whom she has become involved with. I also found out that she already has a soul mate. I'm still not sure what to say about it, nor, even though it's been quite a while since then, am I sure of how to feel about the whole situation, but... I still love her. I know I'm an idiot, a fool... but I love her. Yes, she has some problems, but don't we all? I'd be a hypocrite to... "leave" her just because of her problems. I'm not sure what to consider our relationship, I'm not even sure if she's my girlfriend anymore (due to an email she sent me, and a journal entry of hers I read), but we still go on as it was before.
For a long while, I've been wondering... how is my life going to be? If I meet someone, how honest will I have to be about my Canadian love? How will I wait before mentioning her, or will I even mention her at all? How long are we going to last? Will we be "together" forever, even if we're never really together? Will we one day stop loving each other, and stop talking completely? At my age, most people aren't even thinking about how long their relationship is going to last, and probably don't expect it to last for long anyway... but here I am, asking questions I would have not asked for a long time, had I not moved from school to school so frequently. Yes, that's all my problems originated from. That's where everything that's wrong with me (well, all my social problems at least) comes from...
There's this girl at my school, I met her at a Saturday tutoring thing. I thought she was cute, and I was able to make her laugh, so maybe that mix made me interested in her, for the other times I went to the tutoring, I looked forward to seeing her. Then, I found out that our third class on A-days are only a few class rooms apart. This made me happy, because then I'd get to see her almost every other day. Not too long ago, my third class was moved to a classroom right across hers (it has since returned to its original location, however), and it was that day that I talked to her some more. Then, at a career fair, I saw her, and talked with her until we had to go back to class (though, some people I knew came up to me and interrupted our conversation). I wanted to start seeing her more often. Last week, I found out that, as part of her dance class, was going to be in a dance show. I took the chance, and went to the show. While it was entertaining, I was there for her. After the show, I waited around for a while, and got to talk to her. I forgot to ask her, but tomorrow (it's an A-day), when I see her, I'm gonna ask her if she uses a chat service or something. Hopefully, if she does, it means I'll get to talk to her more often, which, once again hopefully, might lead, possibly, to us being a relationship. I don't know all that much about her (aside from her name and some of her interests), but I want to learn more. I want us to become boyfriend and girlfriend, even if it only lasts until senior year is over (I'll be leaving the state for college).
That, my friends, is why I think I have a strangely complicated life. Somehow, I ended up in a bad place, which I'm sure will affect my future relationships. Whatever happens, I will never be normal, in terms of my social life and my relationships, both with friends and romantic interests. Because of everything that has happened so far, I'm expecting most of my relationships to fail or never fully develop. Or, maybe, if I create a relationship with the cute girl, my life will get change directions, and my future won't seem as bleak as I currently expect it to be.
Whatever the outcome, I'm sure that if anyone ever finds my life interesting enough, all of this will warrant at least a chapter in my biography.
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