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So today that I am more confused than ever. I hate this constant feeling of what am I doing in life. Sure i'm in school and my majors are supposed to change. Who knows maybe this time I've really found the right thing for me. I'd like to think I have. I guess I just get confused about all the other stuff in life. I love being with my boyfriend cause he is an amazing guy but sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I were single again. I know that is fairly and while I don't severly lust after any other guys there are a few old flames that have tried to rekindle some stuff and well I don't know. I told myself no, there were reason why they didn't work before and so they won't work know but I still find myself thinking about the what if's. I guees in the end I know I made that right decision but what if he is too perfect for me. Or even more, what if I still having feelings for someone else even though I've tried not to.

Maybe I should just say Tá mé i ngrá leat.
To bad I can't.

Basics:
[Name] Jessica
[Nickname] Lola

[Screen name] Paperflower04
[Birthday] 5-20-86
[Age] 19

[Astrological sign] taurus
[Chinese zodiac sign?] tiger
[Location] San Diego

[Sexual Preference] intelligent men
[Marital Status] unmarried
[Religion] christian
[Eye color] blueish-green

[Height] 5"4

[Shoe size]8
[Parents] one remarried, other...
[Siblings] 1 brother, 1 stepsister, and 2-halfsister
[Nieces/Nephews] Nope
[Pets]1 dog
[In school/graduated] college
[What do you drive] My shoes

Favorites:
black
[Number] 38

[Animal] Phoenix, or a dragon
[Vehicle] the Bus
[Flower] black magic rose
[Scent] bog of eternal stench....
[Drinks] Liquid
[Soda] Root Beer
[Book] to many...
[Band] again to many...
[Song] Chiquitita by Abba but only when I'm sad

Do you...
[Color your hair?] No but if I could black magic rose red
[Twirl your hair?] like to but it probably wouldn't stay
[Have tattoos?] Want one
[Have Piercings?] yes, ears
[Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both?] BF
[Cheat on tests/homework?] Don't need to
[Drink/Smoke?] No!!!
[ Like roller coasters?] some
[Wish you could live somewhere else?] Among the Stars or the rain.. oh you mean realitically, I think North Carolina is beautiful
[Want more more piercings?] maybe one more
[Like cleaning?] Not really but someone has to do it
[Write in cursive or print?] ScribleX10000000000
[Swear a lot?] I grew up in Fontana, take a wild ******** guess
[Own a web cam?] no
[Know how to drive?] No and don't ask sad
[Own a cell phone?] Yes and it's color smile
[Ever get off the damn computer?] Every so often

Have you ever...
[Gotten a speeding ticket?] nope
[Been in a wreck?] Yeap but I wasn't driving
[Been arrested?] No
[Been in a fist fight?] No
[Kicked someone in the nuts?] Yes..but the guy deserved it and I was 9 or so
[Stolen anything?] Hearts, and a piece of chocolate

[Held a gun?] Not a real one...

[Drank?] are you crazy...
[Been so drunk you couldn't remember your name?] what did I just say
[Considered a life of crime?] Still considering
[Considered being a hooker?] no but now that you metion it...
[Cheated on someone? ] no well.. no
[Cried over a girl?] no... well wait yes, when I found out one of my best friends died
[Cried over a boy?] Sometimes I think I still am
[Lied to someone?] I still don't know how my om figured out when I was
[Been in love?] been more like am
[Fallen for your best friend?] to complicated to explain
[Made out with JUST a friend?] Yes...
[Been rejected?] Hasn't everyone?
[Been in lust?] Ah... I'd rather not talk about that one
[Used someone?]Yes, but it ended up we were using each other. ironic isn't it?
[Been used?] Yes...in both good and bad ways
[Been cheated on?] Unfortunately.
[Been kissed?] Yes...but where that's a whole nother story
[Experimented with homosexuality?] Naw
[Current mood] ambivelent
[Current taste] cinnamon sugar
[Current hair] Dirty blonde
[Current thing I ought to be doing] sweeping the floor in the kitchen
[Current cds in stereo] Celtic Wonder
[Current crush] Only Crush, Allyne
[Current job] Subway Sandwich Artist

The last time...
[Last book you read] Catch-22
[Last movie you saw]wow it's been awhile, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory... but in a few weeks RENT BABY!!!
[Last thing you ate] Eggs and Cinnamon toast
[Last person you talked to on the phone] Bekah

Do you...
[Do drugs?] Have you ever heard about my real dad.. Heck No!!
[Have a dream that keeps coming back?] Yes
[Play an instrument?] The piano
[Believe there is life on other planets?] Haven't ruled it out.
[Remember your first love?] don't we all
[Still love him/her?]
[Read the newspaper?]As often as I can
[Have any gay or lesbian friends?] Lots
[Believe in miracles?] They could happen
[Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?] If you put your mind to it

[Consider yourself tolerant of others?] Oh yes
[Consider love a mistake?] No.. cause well .. no
[Have a favorite candy?] yeah, chocolate... mmmmmm...
[Believe in astrology?] not sure
[Believe in magic?] "In a Young girls heart"

[Believe in God?] yes
[Do well in school?] When I'm not being lazy
[Go to or plan to go to college] Yes...to become a librarian and someday maybe own my own used book store
[Wear hats?] not usually
[Hate yourself?]I'd like to think I don't
[Have an obsession?] currently between obsessions
[Have a secret crush?] Kind of secret kind of not secret. Very complicated
[Do they know yet?] Yes...
[Collect anything?] Fans, my thoughts, certain books.
[Have a best friend?] 3
[Close friends?] sure
[Like your handwriting?] Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
[Care about looks?] Not really, Looks help but it's all about personality

Love life
[First crush] 1st grade, Jared Meadows
[single or attached?] Attached
[Ever been in love?] quit all the been stuff
[Do you believe in love at first sight?] or do I have to walk by again (note this doesn't actually work on most females)
[Do you believe in "the one?"] What if I've already found the one
[Describe your ideal significant other] Smart,outgoing, outdoorsy (not to strict with that one), artistic, funny but also knows when to be serious, doesn't smoke/drink/do drugs, has a romantic side and has got to be open-minded.

Juicy stuff...
[Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing?] Yes... but I was in Junior high and it was lame that I don't think really counts...

[Are you a tease?] Yes, unfortunately because that quality has pissed off alot of guys...
[Shy to make the first move?] Sometimes depends on how well I know the person


Are you a...
[Wuss]Sometimes and proud of it!
[Druggy] Hell no!
[Daydreamer] Definately
[Freak] and lovin it
[Dork] Why thank you.
[b***h/a*****e] of 04
[Brat] Only when I don't get my way lol
[Sarcastic] What do you think?
[Angel] the horns are pushing the halo off
[Devil] like I said...
[Shy] Not usually
[Talkative] My friend's somtimes say that they don't think shut-up is in my extensive vocabulary
[Flirty] Only with my BF

Today it was weird, I was so hyper and full of energu and I hadn't even had coffee. Well I had a few sips of some at lunch but even before that. I was just so happy, like nothing could bring me down.. I don't know why either. It got really crazy right as I took my lunch and stayed that way for like 2 and a half hours.. it was well ..crazy . The line kept going and going and just when it would seem to slow down it would get big again. Anyways towards the end it got so slow that Cathy told me just to start wiping down other counters and stuff till 3:30 (my leaving time) so it was pretty chill then . Oh and today I got paid !!!!!! 240.88 to be exact. I now have some fundage, only problem was when I got out of work some people were there selling jewlrey. I couldn't help myself so I spent some of my cash on a new ring necklace and some hair clips. I really like my hair clips though cause the go well with my new cut and my ring and neckalce are cool too. Plus they were pretty cheap. Not as cheap as black market minerals, I miss that place !!! Anyways.. I guess I better get going to math but yeah.. I feel better today than I have in weeks.. anyways..

Later Days

Jess

So alot of stuff has happened this weekend. I'm already on my third week of school. Anyways, it looks like this is it for me and Jim. I wanted things to work so bad because he was great guy but as much as I cared for him I could never feel the same way for him as he does about me. I guess that makes me offically single again . I also got my hair cut. It's so different. I like it though. I've wanted to get it cut so it was all one length for some time now but I was too afriad it was gonna be to short for me to work with. Well I did it anyway. It's now about an inch or 2 longer than my moms which means it just grazes my shoulders. I like the cut but can't wait for it to grow out again. I miss the length. At least I can still put it in a ponytail and stuff. Oh they hired a new lady for our Subway station so they won't need me to work Fridays anymore which is nice because it will give me time to get lab hours done.Oh my mom and I had a mother daughter day on Saturday and went and saw this musical Little Women. I can't believe I got to see Maureen McGovern play Marmie, she has an amazing voice. I'm still kinda bummed that I had to cancel some other plans but she took me to the Cheesecake Factory (one of my favorite restaurants) for a hamburger and what else.. cake. No not Cheesecake cause she doesn't like it but a chocolate mousse cake that was too die for. We split it and still felt like blah afterwards. It was fun. So yeah.. that's the news in my life...

These are some pics taken with Jims Digi camn. I'm posting the links cause my pictures are being a b***h and won't show up right. It was a blast I only wish I could have stayed longer.

Jim held up by Baba Fett

Batman and more Batman

Beautiful fairies

Harry Potter Conjures up a Golden Ticket from Willy Wonka

Hulk Women

Jim and Me

Me and new age Willy Wonka

Red VS. Blue you choose

Storm Trooper Holds up Jim

Strom Trooper Imporsonates Elvis Part 1
Strom Trooper Imporsonates Elvis Part 2

Random Swordfight Image One
Random Swordfight Image Two
Random Swordfight Image Three

A Really Hot Vampire Chick