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Words to live by.

Heh, I love this show. It's so fun. I mean, of course, Filthy Rich: Cattle Drive.

And, really, would rich people pay for the crappiest deliverable pizza? Dominoes? Ick stressed

But, anyway, Fabian is evil. I mean, you thought Hitler was bad? Or Stalin. They are nothing compared to Fabian. He is self centered, and I'm pretty sure he's a robot. An EVIL robot. I think, in fact, he was created by Paris Hilton. Yes, I am theorizing that Paris Hilton is a maker of robots whose genius equals, oh....I'll say Dr. Wily. Basically, no common sense, but a mighty evil agenda. She is basically creating an army of self-centered, 2000 dollar jacket buying cronies who talk gay but will never leave the warmth and safety of their designer shoe lined closet.

Oh, and yes, this is babble, but I figure it's a better entry than the last one I had, which I deleted sweatdrop

Ignore that last post. I feel a bit better now. But I don't want to delete it, because then I delete the wonderful things Adam said.

You know I feel the same, my love. You give my life meaning, plain and simple heart

I don't even know why I am going to post this here. No one reads this, anyway. Well, Adam might, if I direct him here.

I hate having bad days. But not just because they're bad. But because I'm a wimp. I am always crying. For no reason. Well, not really. I mean, all I have to do is do a little poorly on an assignment, or get told I did something wrong, and I cry. No matter what. I'm a wimp, like I said.

What really sucked about today is that it reminded me how little I contribute. How I'm pretty sure everything would be better if I never did anything. If no one trusted me. I simply have no sense of responsibility. Coach didn't yell at me, but sounded very dissapointed that I didn't at least tell him I wouldn't go to the meet yesterday. And this teacher yelled at me for parking in Faculty parking. I didn't even think they needed those spots since they have their own parking lot. Anyway, I only ever let people down. It sucks. I don't contribute a thing...

Heh, and...Just typing that, I know that...maybe a few people would miss me... and of course I would never, ever do anything to end my life. But, it's hard not to at least contemplate it. I'm not a good person, so there's not much reason to keep going sometimes.

I'm a brat, and I'm so introverted that I get upset worrying about someone noticing I don't feel good and then asking about it. The only person I can talk to is Adam, really... I don't know what's wrong with me. But it sucks. I wish I were better. But, then again, I'd still probably not be happy, since I've pretty much noticed that no one is really happy. If they say they are, they are just lying. I have yet to meet a truly happy person. It's a depressing thought.

(Brat Camp, for the uninitiated xp

ADAM'S Coming! YAY!!!!!!!!!!

(I'm just bored and waiting for him to get settled in his hotel room and call. I really, realllllly hope he calls tonight. And I'm sure he will. I'm just afraid he'll call, and I'll need him so much that I literally run to the Santa Fe in a romantic, but stupid gesture at 11 PM whee )

Well, duh, I say. Oh, and I'm watching House, and she CLEARLY has a thyroid problem. DUH, stupid Doctors.

Awww, but I feel fat lately. And sucky and lazy. And to be fair, I am. Is it bad that accepting it makes me feel better? Because I think wallowing in my own low expectations is pretty bad.

I need to actually want for more in my life. Like I should exercise more. And eat better....


Hmm..and I think that's a different Cameron confused
Maybe I'm crazy.

Wow...6 kids. And, hee, having a pregnant belly isn't what a woman's "supposed" to look like. Well, not always. Gosh, it's not like all a woman is supposed to do is have sex, make babies and bring home money.

And HA! That Australian guy's not wrong, but shut up Cameron, you're only on House's team because you're skinny and pretty.

I just got done crying...I've needed to do it proper for about 4 or 5 days now...

The thing is, there's nothing wrong...there's no real problem...it's just been building for these past days, I guess. I am so depressed...I don't want to move, sometimes. I hurt. Really bad. I don't know why...I just ache. I feel so lonely. I've never felt like this before, so I don't know why.
It feels like...no, I just don't even want to say it. It's so wrong, what I'm thinking. I need to stop. I need to find some way to stop feeling sad, but I don't know what to do. Right now, I need to vent...but what's there to vent about? Adam...and I...it feels like we weren't as close lately, and yet, really, we're closed than ever in some ways. It just feels like...no one really cares. Which, is my fault, I guess. I don't want anyone to really care. I never tell anyone when I really ache, and when I try to, it never seems to work. I'm not an upbeat person, really, and for some reason, apparently, people have to walk on eggshells when they're around me, because it's so easy to hurt my feelings. So, I just don't tell anyone that I care about when stuff matters to me. I'm afraid they won't care. I think... I dunno...this could all be wrong. I can't really think. Maybe I'm just being a drama queen...I bet posting this...will make someone mad at me, but I just needed to vent.

Too bad I'm still not sure what's wrong. No one is mad at me, or anything. I'm not mad at anyone either. I just feel lonely. Very isolated. Maybe I'm just really hormonal, too, and tomorrow I won't feel bad at all. That would actually be really good. It would make me feel silly, though. Am I just crazy? At least then I'd know what's wrong with me.

My biggest fear is I'm doing what I always do...feeling sorry for myself. I probably am, just by writing this...but it's not like I'm sitting here crying for no reason. There must be something. I just...I need something. I feel like there's a big hole inside of me. Why? What in the world am I missing? I wish I knew, but I don't.

MAGIC!

Okay, yes, they are in one of the worst movies ever, (Armegeddon, for your information,) but who the hell cares?! It's Buscemi and freakin' Billy Bob!


Do I have a thing for snarky, greasy freaky little bug eyed guys? Hell yes I do xd

But, Buscemi was a New York firefighter, so that makes him awesome.

And Billy Bob wore Angelina Jolie's blood and had public sex with her, so that makes him nasty.

Either way, I have a man crush on both mrgreen

(How does a girl have a man crush? The same way Billy Bob got it on with Halle Berry...by breaking all the rules of nature.)

Hmm, does this seem odd? Maybe so, but I figure it's better than posting my journal entries with obscenities, as I was planning on doing earlier scream

Hee, as I said just now, I'm a sexy little beast now. My dear Adam let me borrow his stuff, and now my avvy's an absolute doll! I'm also glad he likes the way she looks. Heh, I'm tempted to not give the stuff back. (But don't worry, I will..... ninja ....)

Hmm...let's see...I need to get a job. I really do. Or do...something. Maybe tomorrow I'll actually decide on a topic for my Extended Essay. I think I'll go to the library and look around. I know I want to do English and literature, as that's my forte...

Maybe something with Fantasy? That, or poetry, or something unique and creative, but not impossible.

Time for Cliff Notes!