Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

christmas is always a time for friends, family, feastivity , food ,and fun.. the five f's that most all people look forward too as santa makes his way around. i cant help but feeling like all those things arent great at all. and santa is overrated.
my friends all have jobs, i do not because of transportation. my mom has soo much to pay for as it is we cant even think about a christmas tree or gifts under it, and my ******** rich family doesnt seem to care or notice. the guy i like is having a hard time too, he might get evicted from his house if they cant pay rent this month. what the ******** is wrong with the world.i hate my family. i hate my friends.. not realy, but at the moment i do. i feel so ******** alone and cold that i might as well be that child lost to darkness. and typing this shite can be viewed as a cry for help. take it as you will, im ******** pissed at the world. and the feastivitly thing, okay lets just say its all around me i just dont see it. i dont feel it. its not pretty anymore. it doesnt fill me with hope and joy. i resent it very much. i hate the ******** sound of christmas carols, and fresh baked cinnimon apple pie. it makes me sick to my stomach . but no one sees. no one cares. they all take it im in self pitty and its just a ******** phase. what ever happened to a hug. or an invitation to come over and play some ******** games. no. no time is given to those that drown themselves in the negativily that surrounds them. this is my 17nth christmas and by far the saddest. i dont think i want to be anywhere near anyone when it comes. and i hate that im going to have to be surrounded by all the f's. ******** christmas. ******** all the underhanded backslapping verbal slashes my family seems to love to give each other, ******** all the presents that will nonexistently be sitting under the tree, ******** all the friends that will be together without me cause im stuck in hell with the wonderful ******** family. ******** the fattening food, like i realy need it, and all the ******** fun that wont be around cause im not with the person or the people i realy want to be with. i wish christmas would to to ******** hell....... i apologize for any of the words i may have used to all the sensitive readers i have... but ******** all yall too.