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I had a good childhood,
A good family,
A good life.
But good was never good enough.

I yearned for misery, for anguish.
I wanted their lives,
Their lives full of blood stained floors.
Their pain gave me inspiration.
Their scars gave me songs.
I fed on their tears, for my own selfish needs.
Grasping onto their heartbreak, so I could feel what they felt.
I wanted to see what all the cutting,
all the sleepless nights,
all the suicide
was all about.

I was sick of living in a peacful haze,
Protected by those who loved me,
But those who I hated for it.

I wanted to feel the real ripping of a broken heart,
The sickness of regret,
The slashing of someones soul.

How selfish I was.
How wrong I was.

I went where they went.
Did what they did.
Wore what they wore.

Finally I was living my dream.

But my dream became a nightmare.
They showed me things,
Things that warped the world,
Things that made illusions in my mind.
I had delved into the pool,
And I knew I couldn't get out,
Without being soaked.

I learnt my lesson that day,
The day I relised I was drowning,
The day I relised this was what I had wanted all along,
But not what I had needed.

Im in the haze again,
Its warm,
Its real.
Even still,
Poison seeps into the haze,
Making me choke when I'm alone.

I learnt my lesson that day.

Please don't learn yours.

-By Me
WEWT
xoxox heart

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