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I have been screwing things up since the day I was born, and now that I'm 15, seems like it's my epicenter of horrible... I'm about to bust out in tears and cry because I don't know what to do. I'm in love with my first love, but then again, it's always going to be like that whether I love someone else or not. But I seem to have grown to love him, as family. I Freaking love him, I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but not with a wedding ring.

Now I'm dearly missing the one I recently let go because... I don't know... The way I felt for him was just starting to grow into fondness when I seemed to of lost interest. But now that I've let him go, I can't stop thinking about him, and it seems that the feeling I felt I've lost have grown even more. But I'm not sure if I try to make it work with him again, if I'll end up with the same conclusion as before. I want to call him and talk to him so bad....

There is someone I feel I should of never messed with, because they are confused, and if I'm not in for the long haul then I don't need to mess with them, but right now, I'm as confused as they are, so I don't want to ******** their existing relationship up. I like him, but I like other more, and I don't want to hurt this person.

help?
doesn't seem like I can keep going on the way I have been