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Why torment yourself, when life will do it for you? |
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One of the lines on a show that I was watching was, "Why torment yourself, when life will do it for you?" I thought it was a really good quote, at the time. Then I forgot about it. And started beating myself about the head. Why, you may ask? Because I feel I am failing those around me.
I know it sounds kind of lame, but I feel as if I have to be perfect. Not for me, but for those that know me. its not like anyone says I have to be like this, I just feel obligated to be so. My parents want me to get good marks in school, like any parent, right? But to me, I feel that I need to make at least merit, if not honors.
Then there's my friends. They just want me to be happy, and, I want them to be happy. I don't want them to worry about me, in any way. I can't bear to cry in public, I feal that it puts my load on somebody elses shoulders. I can't do that.
It's not like I have a bad family life. My mum i really cool, as well as my step-dad. And my dad, when he's not working and we are visiting him, is great. I think that's one of major reasons that I feel I need to please them. Meaning, doing better than my best. And that's not a problem. The problem is when I fail, which I feel I do a lot. I know that this is not n original poblem, but I can't talk about it, with anyone, so I feel like it is best if I write it down.
Any comments?
 Moonsong Deidra Fae 475 · Tue Mar 22, 2005 @ 12:56am · 2 Comments |
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Who am I? I thought I knew, but now I'm not so sure. Sometimes I'm really self-confidant, I can do anything if I set my mind to it, then I'll turn around and have so little confidance that its depresing. One minute I'll be your 'average' fourteen year-old girl, then I'll be hitting my friend on the back for some rude coment s/he makes. I used to be so sure of who I was, but... now I'm not. I know my identity, but my 'true' self remains a mystery. I need to talk about it, but I just... can't. You know what I mean? *sigh* At least I can write about it, that's good, right?
Moonsong Deidra Fae 475 · Sun Mar 13, 2005 @ 06:22am · 0 Comments |
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What have I gotten myself into!? |
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I joined something called NaNoWriMo, National Novel Writing Month, last weekend. Basically I have to write 50000 words in one month. So far I have 3302 words. All together now, I"M DOOOOOMED!
Moonsong Deidra Fae 475 · Thu Nov 11, 2004 @ 01:27am · 1 Comments |
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Ok, so my party was a bust. My friends all had something come up, that's what I get for having it on thanksgiving weekend I suppose. But I had a great b-day weekend anyway. On Friday we had a huge dinner to celebrate Kevin’s (a friend of the family) and my birthdays, on Saturday Kevin and I went to see King Arthur (great movie) and on Sunday my mom and step-dad took us to see Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (great play), yesterday we went to a friends house and had thanksgiving dinner and now I have a week off of school smile life is good.
Moonsong Deidra Fae 475 · Tue Oct 12, 2004 @ 09:43pm · 0 Comments |
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Ok, still upset about my friend, cousin, sister (don't ask, it will probably confuse you.). But not as much, and this weekend has started off great, except for the coughing part. I have today off so I am probably going to be on Gaia for quite a while, and I don't have to put up with my sisters! Then i have my b-day this sunday, and the party tommorow, only downside is that a lot of my friends couldn't come 'cause they had other plasn, but oh well, two of my best friends are coming. A friend of my familys is taking me to a movie to celebrate both of our birthdays 'cause his is today. Then I am going to a movie tommorow as well. My friends are going to sleep over and we are going to stay up late watching movies! I borrowed Monty Pythons search for the Holy Grail from my dad so we are going to watch that, and, of corse, we are going to eat cake! Not only that but my two fav. shows are on tonight! xd
Side note: isn't it intresting how life can suck one minute but rock the next?
Moonsong Deidra Fae 475 · Fri Oct 08, 2004 @ 05:02pm · 1 Comments |
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Does life enjoy tormenting people like me? |
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A couple of days ago I talked to a friend of mine on MSN. I've known her since I was born so we are like sisters. She used to live with her grandma, but then she got in a fight and left. So I lost contact with her for about four months. Its not like it was the first time I hadn't heard from her in a while, when she was living with her dad I hadn't heard from her in five years. But this time seemed longer somehow, maybe it was because I didn't know where she was.
Anyway, I was talking to her and she told me that she was waiting for her foster mom to pick her up. She had moved and had not even told me! Then she told me to call her long distance. the only thing I know is that she is still in the same province because of the area code. I know that it probably sounds stupid, but I went to my room and cried for a while, then I called my friend and she helped a bit, mainly by listening.
Have anything lke this ever happened to you? Please, respond if it has, I am still a little upset.
Moonsong Deidra Fae 475 · Tue Oct 05, 2004 @ 09:30pm · 1 Comments |
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Bleh, I am at home sick today so I decided I might as well update. So far I have, slept, eaten, and have been on gaia for about three hours. But, it will all be better tonight. My two favoirite shows are on! Inuyasha and Witch Hunter Robin. Okay... not much else to post, so I will put up one of my recent poems.
I don't know why
I don't know why
but I wish I did.
I wish I knew
why you say
the things you said.
I wish I knew
why you do
the things you did.
But I don't
and it tears at me
it tears at my heart,
my mind, my soul.
I see your hurt
but I don't know why.
You say your fine,
I know its a lie.
Why don't you tell me?
why do you turn,
pretend I'm not there.
I want to help,
but I can't
'cause you won't let me.
and all I do
is ask, why?
Moonsong Deidra Fae 475 · Fri Oct 01, 2004 @ 09:34pm · 0 Comments |
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Well, as the heading says, this is my first post in my journal. I am not that good at headings, so don't expect much. Anyway, seeing as how not much ever happens to me, I will probably only update about two or three times a week.
Today was when we had our student council elections. During and after lunch some of my friends came up to me and told me that they voted for me. That raised my hopes a little bit, but I am still a bit anxeious to see who won. I think we find out tommorow, so I will update then.
Moonsong Deidra Fae 475 · Fri Oct 01, 2004 @ 02:15am · 0 Comments |
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