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why does it hurt when someone hurts you..
the physical pain is nothing more than
your emotions focused on one thought of your body..
so why does it hurt?

Life sucks sometimes, throwing you the stupidest stuff... Letting everyone knwo that I am still alive is still apart of life... Haha... to those of you who know me. I am barely on even still... Sorry for worrying you if you did worry. My grandmother is in the hospitol... it kinda sucks... but she should be ok... I am just hoping for the best, but I am prepaired for the worst...

Theres someone, who's really close to me... Closer then close.. I just want to be able to hold her... yet... I almost ******** up... I guess you could say I fell inlove with her. Its amazing, how quickly you can break something, and it takes forever to build... Really amazing... I'm sorry to her, yet I don't feel thats enough... I can't stop saying it to her... I even shead real tears for the first time in a long time... Whats happening to me... What is it... What is it that keeps poking at my soul... The one thats barely there...

uh oh, I gotta go to my dad's house for a week on saturday... I'm scared... he creeps me out sometimes with his stupidity.. >_> <_<

Its been a while sence my last post in my journal so may aswell do an update. I would like to report that I have beaten the game called metal gear solid 2 in under 2 hours. wink I am a huge fan of those games. heart heart heart Anyways, I have also beaten metal gear solid 1 in under 4 hours... sweatdrop I'm not so good at that one. Most people think I am a game fanatic because I sit there and beat games quicker then them. Truth is I can do it because I don't consentrait on the games themselves. whee but really, I look at them when they play games and their all like eek . but then I play the game and I'm just sitten there watching waiting. Then its over. I reicently beat kingdom hearts in under 14 hours. Yay!!! blaugh I rule. Lol, I have beaten kindgom hearts Chain of memories in under 20 hours too. ^-^ It took me 32 hours to beat em both the first time. xp but anyways. I can't wait for kingdom hearts 2 to come out. I will kick a** in that game. but everyone thinks that I will be shocked that I can't beat it in under 20 hours... I think I will be able to in the first try. 3nodding Enough about games. I am doing quite well, have stoped cutting and working on stopping my smoking. ^-^ I feel sooo good about my relationship too. Everything around me is going quite well rather then the hellhole it used to be. I am quite changed by the fact that everyone around here is just so down all the time. I figured I would be the first to be happy and everyone else started to aswell. I am in my perfect little world now. Lol, the only thing I have trouble with now is school... I was homeschooled but after this year I am going back to highschool and going into the 9th grade, I should be in 10th. stare With this all said and done I will now click submit and smile some more. whee

I HAVE NO SOUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!































the real secret is that I love the dark... Afraid of nothing but the light.

Thinkin of re pickin up the blade... Even though I set it aside.... May aswell pick it back up but who knows... I will give it till the end of the week before I make my final disision... Whatever though.

I'm starting to smoke again... Its better then cuttin myself... I stoped cutting so whatever...

What if everything I worked for just suddenly droped.
Enough of that... Why can't I just do work. Do my god damn school work. I do not get a choice. I have to do it but why can't I? What if I did do it?