The path that I'm walking - I must go alone. I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown... Full grown... Fairytales don't always have a happy ending do they? Do they...? And I foresee the dark if I stay...
Where do I begin? What do these words mean to you, if you can't comprehend the smallest feelings of emotion that compel me to write this? There's this lack of comfort, this sense of... Irregularity. I feel out of place, sort of in a daze, and does that make any sense to you? Like this life that I'm living is no longer my own, but the story of a character in a novel - as if I picked it up recently from Border's. I suppose maybe this awkwardness is due to the fact that this is Gaia I'm writing on, and not Xanga. Or maybe it's the fact that I'm here on Gaia, playing and doing something that's not even real to me. Does this make sense to you?
Reader, who are you to judge me? Who are you to know who I am - what I do, how I feel? I don't believe you'd judge me to begin with, as you have nothing to go on but this profile and this journal. But can I trust you with my innermost thoughts, things that I want to explain, but you - whoever you may be - may extort that and exploit that. Here, there really is no way to be anonymous, is there? Not when so many friends of your's know you're here.
How do I explain to you that this doesn't feel real? That when the summer ends, and I awake to my alarm clock saying it's time for school... That this will all feel like a dream? How the friends that I see so frequently will disappear from my life for a time that is unknown, and how a boy that I love so much may walk away as soon as he enters the school campus? Can I tell you of my insecurities, things that I don't yet want to face, but with the countdown at 21 days left of summer... I've got to start realizing that there's no way to prolong my time here.
I feel the need to sit, curled up beside my window, watch a storm passby then go out and dance in the lingering mists. I want that sense of renewal, or maybe even that feeling of freefalling. Because... these days it feels like I'm grasping for each and every minute - and though my time will be spent here for my last year in high school... It seems that when summer ends, so will this peaceful life that I find myself living.
It's all temporary, isn't it? And before I know it, along with my friends that have been taken away, he will be too. The "Koon"s, the hugs, the naps, the inside jokes, will be gone just as quickly as I got them back. And everytime I log onto this God foresaken site - I realize that.
Ame Kurayami Community Member 
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