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Well, it's been a damn long time, hasn't it? Six, seven months? I know y'all probably weren't hanging on in suspense, but still. Anyways, lately there's been something that's been bugging me. Y'see, people seem to think that they can just bash any character they choose and nothing's gonna happen. Normally I can tolerate this, but lately it's been focused on one of my favorite characters: Haruno Sakura of Naruto fame. And I'm sick of it. So, for what it's worth, here's my response: my very own rant on Sakura, transcribed directly from my profile on FanFiction.net. It does contain some pretty rough language, so either cover your virgin eyes or click the 'back' button if you can't handle it.
Here we go...

Honestly. When these bitches learn? SAKURA KICKS a**.

I mean, it seems like these days that people are tearing her down for every little thing she does. Even with the advent of Shippuden, there are still people who are calling her weak and useless! It's called HER FIGHT WITH SASORI, sucka!! And Sasori himself--one of the most dangerous ninja ever--says that Sakura is a great kunoichi!

Let's look at the facts. Okay, so at the start of the series, she was definitely not the strongest character--at least not physically. But she did have some merits that were acknowledged by skilled ninja who knew talent when they saw it, like Kakashi. Kakashi does point out that Sakura has chakra control that surpasses even Sasuke's. I will admit that she was the weakest link in the Zabuza Arc--but you can't deny that the girl has courage. Even before the Chuunin exams, she had lived through situations that would make us normal people s**t our pants, and she was prepared to do her duty even if it meant her life. And yes, she does say 'Sasuke-kun!' a whole helluva lot during the Zabuza Arc--but seeing as how he was her teammate/crush and he was in MORTAL DANGER half the ******** time, I think you'd be saying 'Sasuke-kun!', too! So I don't wanna hear that as an excuse for hating her!

It also becomes apparent that even though Sakura does have a massive crush on Sasuke, she is NOT some spineless delicate little flower. I think she flatters Sasuke and tries to act girly around him because that's what she thinks he wants. She's only 12, people--Sasuke is her first love, and she's still trying to figure these things out. But this girly persona clashes with her true self: the willful, outspoken girl who doesn't put up with any crap from stupid, immature boys. That's probably the whole point of Inner Sakura; it shows that underneath the thin veneer of fluff there's a tough girl who has an attitude and a brain and isn't scared to show it. Sakura feels like she somehow has to change herself to appeal to Sasuke, but as she grows she realizes that this isn't the case. During the Chuunin Exams, in the Forest of Death, there's a point where Sasuke is prepared to hand over their scroll to the disguised Orochimaru--but Sakura's got something to say about that. Yes, all you people who think she would never be able to criticize Sasuke because she's a stupid bimbo, chew on this: SHE TELLS HIM WHAT IS ******** WHAT. Sakura says that the fact that Sasuke was even thinking about handing over the scroll is disgraceful; she says that even Naruto, the number one hyperactive knucklehead ninja, would never give up the scroll without a fight. She has enough of a brain--more than enough of a brain--to realize that Sasuke isn't perfect, and she's got enough guts to tell it to him straight up.

And then comes a great scene: the cutting of Sakura's hair. Some people say: "Big deal. She cut her hair, oooh, I'm so scared!" Well, since when was hair-cutting supposed to be taken as a JUTSU? If you thought THAT was supposed to be her secret-weapon jutsu, you're even dumber than I thought. No, Sakura cutting her hair is more symbolic than that. Earlier in a flashback she'd heard that Sasuke liked girls with long hair, and that's why she grew hers so long. Cutting her hair marks a big change in her character--it's the point where she realizes that she has been weak and dependent on Sasuke and Naruto, and decides that she's had enough. She slices off those long pink strands that took so much time to grow, showing that she will no longer be so superficial simply because of Sasuke; she won't let her life revolve around her crush on him any longer. The time has come for Sakura to show her stuff, and prove that she can truly be strong.

I hear a lot of bullshit about the fight scene afterwards, usually from the same people who said 'big deal, she cut her hair'. Well ********! What were you expecting? 'Lyk OMG Sakura totlly has his demnoon seeled insyde her but noone knu bout it! xDlolzroflcopter!' Or maybe, 'She's got the Sharingan/Byakugan/some other wacky-a** bloodline limit even though she's THE FIRST NINJA IN HER FAMILY!!' Well I got news for ya: that would make her a MARY-SUE. Do you want Sakura to be a Mary-Sue? THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT, b***h!! Sakura does the best with what she's got--her brains. Using only the substitution jutsu, she manages to catch Zaku completely off-guard and throws him to the ground; and damn, when she bites him she does not let go. Even as he beats her about the head, even as she bleeds from at least three different knife wounds, the girl hangs on. If that is not courage, I don't know what is.

From there we move on to her fight with Ino. I guess some of you whiny bitches still aren't satisfied with Sakura's skill as a ninja at this point. To see my response to that, see lines 1-4 of the above paragraph. I don't know if any of you guys take martial arts, but I do, and Sakura and Ino's fight was pretty much the only realistic fight in that whole damn preliminary round. There's a brief bit of dialogue between them, and it's not just empty bragging (like in Naruto and Kiba's fight); they're playing mind games with each other, seeing who cracks first and making sure that there's no holding back on either side. But for most of the fight, it's knock-down, drag-out Taijutsu--and that lasts for ten whole minutes. Believe me, that's a damn long time to fight someone full strength. Then we get to the cool part. Sakura manages to make Ino lose it so badly that she attempts her Shintenshin no Jutsu, a technique that would never work in this setting...or so we think. When Ino succeeds in taking over Sakura's body, it looks like it's all over. But as I've said, Sakura is no pansy. By sheer force of willpower alone, she breaks Ino's jutsu--something considered to be impossible. Sakura has invested her whole being in this fight--and by the way, the fight is not over Sasuke. It's about proving that Sakura can stand on her own two feet and that she's an even match for the girl she once idolized. And prove it she does.

In the space between the prelims and the final round, we get to see a gentler side of Sakura's character. She visits Lee in the hospital and brings him flowers, showing that she's capable of compassion. Yes, all you Sakura-haters; Sakura has a heart! Imagine that. She may have been bitchy to Naruto and Lee at the start, but when she learns more about them as people she realizes she was wrong, and becomes their trusted friend. Sakura also works to improve her ninja skills; by the final round, she can release a genjutsu cast by an ANBU-level ninja--not something every genin can do. And her courage hasn't diminished in the least. When Gaara tries to attack the paralyzed Sasuke, she jumps right in front of him with no hesitation, even though she knows she has no chance against Gaara.

But Sakura's emotional strength is incredible. When Sasuke leaves, Sakura tries with all her heart to keep him in the village. If that fails, she's prepared to go with him and leave her whole life behind. She even makes a desperate confession and tells him how much she loves him... but he goes anyway, without her. And when Naruto fails to bring him back, her last bit of hope of seeing Sasuke again vanishes. Just like that, a person who was such a big part of her life was torn from her. This boy who had protected her, who had reassured her, who had been through life-or-death situations with her, was gone. To be able to pick up with your life after that takes remarkable strength of character, and I'm sure it wasn't easy for her. But somehow she made it through those two years, and when next we see her, she has not only survived without Sasuke, but thrived.

Let no one, no one say that Sakura is weak or useless any longer. Through hard work as Tsunade's apprentice, she has become a truly amazing kunoichi. Or did you miss how she reduced a boulder to rubble with a single punch? Were you not there when she saved Kankurou's life with her medical jutsu? Don't tell me that you missed her fight with Sasori. "But!" You whiny little tards may say, "She didn't fight him by herself! Chiyo-obaasama did all the work!" Well, I have to disagree with you on that. Chiyo is a great puppet master, I'm not going to deny that; but if it wasn't for Sakura's skill in Taijutsu, Sasori would have been the winner of that battle. Throughout that battle, Sakura shows her famous determination and sticks with Chiyo until the very end. If she was as wimpy and weak as many of you bitches seem to think, she would have turned tail before Sasori even emerged from Hiruko. But she lent her skills to Chiyo and together they defeated him. "So?" You respond. "She let herself be controlled. What's so great about that?" But I think you forget, sucka, about when the Third Kazekage was out. Using strategy and strength, and with no help from Chiyo, Sakura smashed it to bits. And in the chaos of the Ten Puppets versus a Hundred, Sakura's quick fists were just as useful as Chiyo's puppets. It was Sakura who was packing the antidote that she herself created; and it was Sakura who took a hit from a poisoned weapon to save Chiyo, even when her antidote had run out. And even as she stood there, with a sword run through her gut, she held on, and refused to give in. It was that stubborn tenacity, that fierce strength, that keen intelligence that Sasori himself recognized and commended. He, who had seen so many battles and so many lethal shinobi, knew that Sakura was truly exceptional.

And if you would only open your eyes, you would know that too.


Ladies and Gentlemen, the Defense rests.